A Worshipful Heart

One more thing....do you Twitter?

If you do, you know what I mean. I'd love to stalk you...uh... I mean follow you. So let me know your user name! You can click on my link to the right and sign up to see how boring my life really is some days!

If you don't, check out the Twitter website. I love keeping up with what everyone's doing all day, even if it's mundane. It's a great way to stay connected.

For some this is boring, but I love knowing that Richard took his girls fishing this afternoon or that Pete's boys were playing with sparklers, or that Josh and Anne had internet issues!

So come on, send a tweet! (and read below for my main blog entry)

Technorati Profile

Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th of July! Although I always associate this holiday with going to the lake and skiing and eating someone else's cooking, this year we'll be doing something a bit different. We're staying home. I'm not sure I remember doing this hardly ever! Our folks are all out of town so we'll be right here grilling ribs and chicken, making blueberry cobbler (thanks to my friends who picked blueberries for me!) and homemade ice cream. Maria will be coming home and we might try to go see some fireworks somewhere.

But our biggest task is to lay laminate flooring in one of our bedrooms. We've never done this but Phil is so talented in building and fixing things that I know it will go great. (as a trivia tidbit, we actually built almost all of our first house) We've almost finished ripping up the carpet! Now I know that doesn't sound like a vacation, but we are excited at the thought of getting it done and accomplishing it together. That room will look much nicer when we're done.

On Sunday I am excited to be visitng my friends at Cross Point church in Nashville, Tennesee. We've become friends through blogging so I encourage you to check out their blogs and meet them for yourself!

Jenni Catron - Executive Director at Cross Point and a fabulous woman in leadership. We have similar passions for encouraging women in leadership. We'll be going to lunch with Jenni after church on Sunday!

Pete Wilson - Pastor of Cross Point. His transparency on his blog makes me laugh sometimes and think always.

Anne Jackson - Author of "Mad Church Disease", master blogger and newly arrived staff member at Cross Point (not sure of her title!). Anne's blog led me to all these other folks in the blogosphere! I googled a year or so ago about "pastor burnout" and found her book blog. I've been an avid reader of flowerdust ever since and am eagerly awaiting her book.

Brandi Wilson - Pete's wife and the mother of three boys. Her blog makes me laugh as I remember the years when my children were small. (and challenging in different ways!)

So what are your plans for the 4th? Please fill me in!

Sabbatical's Almost Over

Today I realized that I only have 2 1/2 weeks left of my sabbatical. I really felt a bit panicked as I thought of all the things I desperately wanted to get done but probably will not! We still need to clean out two closets, put down new flooring in a bedroom and get everything ready for Daniel's senior year of school and well, have some more fun together! There are still questions unanswered, wounds unhealed, books unfinished and scrapbooks undone. I have found that my thoughts have turned more to work than I would like. I find myself considering what I will do my first week back, what I need to read and plan while on my study break, and what issues I will face when I return. I'm afraid that all the things that were crowding my mind before I left are now starting to come back to my consciousness. And to be honest I'm a little bit afraid. Will I feel overwhelmed? Will I have new problems to deal with? While I was away the pain of the past two years seemed much farther away and much more dim. Will it all come rushing back when I have to get back to work? Will I be able to hold on to the peace I have felt these past three months? Will I still hear God's voice as clearly or will I lose it in the midst of the noise of too much activity?

I don't know. So I ask that you pray for me. It will be a bit of a transition and adjustment. I want to comd back and live life differently. I need to continue to hear from God about how to do that.

Travel Wish List Part 2 - International Travel

I have been to seven countries outside the U.S. and have always enjoyed seeing different parts of the world, getting a taste of another culture, meeting people who may live very differently than I do. My experiences in traveling to Israel, France and Germany were very enlarging and exciting and yes, educational. I learned so much as I was stretched in some new ways and exposed to new things.

Here are my top choices for international trips I hope to make one day - the first few are in order, then I've just listed what I want to see!

1) Italy - I just want to go all over! Too many places to list. It would take a couple of weeks.

2) Ireland - Ireland captures my imagination. I want to go to Ireland, hear the music, see the dancing and wander out in the countryside and see the places where Christianity was first introduced into the western world.

3) Great Britain - I want to see the Lake Country, where C.S. Lewis lived and wrote, shop in the markets in London, and have tea! And of course I want to see Big Ben!

4) Greece - Did you see "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"? The scenery in this movie inspired me to see Greece.

5) Switzerland/Austria - still wanting to do the Sound of Music Tour and eat Sacher Torte in Vienna and see the Swiss Alps! (I've seen the French Alps but I wanna see it all!) I also want to hike with Phil here.

6) Scotland - gotta buy me a Boyd (my grandmother's family name) tartan and see the Highlands!

7) Fiji - can you say beaches?

8) New Zealand - I saw "Lord of the Rings" and fell in love. It looks mystical.

9) Prague, Czech Republic - I want to see the old city, supposedly one of the most beautiful in the world.

10) Holland - to see the tulips of course

11) St. Petersburg - I hope to take Maria here one day. The architecture is amazing to me.

12) A safari in Africa somewhere.....to see those animals running wild would be amazing.

12) Maybe Turkey on a tour of Paul's missionary journeys....

I'd love to go back to Israel as well.....it was hard to soak it all in. I'd love some more time there!

The more I travel the more God gives me a heart to see the nations know Him and worship Him. There is so much scripture about seeing the nations worship and it comes alive to me when I travel outside the boundaries of my own country.

Psalm 86: 9: "9 All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name. "

When I travel, I remember that God is God over the whole earth, that His creation and work is so much bigger than I can conceive here in my world in Madison, Alabama. As I travel and meet people from other countries, God softens my heart and deepens my desire to see the world come to know Him. Traveling brings the world a little bit closer.......

Oh the Places I'd Like to Go......U.S. Edition

I am borrowing this idea from my friend, co-worker and trailermate Alison. She is travel mad like I am!

I have been to many, many places in the United States. As a child we traveled all over, with one particularly memorable trip through the Badlands and Yellowstone. Phil and I got engaged on a trip to Montana. We've traveled quite a bit in our 24 years of marriage and continue to consider seeing a new place a grand adventure. Alison is a bit ahead of me, but I have been to 38 states so far and hope to see them all one day.

Here are some of the places in the US that are at the top of my wish list......some of these I saw as a child but don't really remember.....and they are in no particular order.....and yes, I grouped some together.

 1. Outer Banks, North Carolina (been to NC. not the Outer Banks)

2. Oregon - coast and Multnomah Falls and Cascade Mountain Range

3. Alaska!!! - Denali, Glacier Bay, Kenai Fjords

4. Yosemite National Park AND the Redwoods - California

5. Glacier National Park - Montana and Colorado

6. Yellowstone National Park and The Tetons - Wyoming, Montana and Idaho

7. The Florida Everglades and Keys

8. The Adirondacks and Niagra Falls, New York

9. Vermont in the Fall

10. Boston and Nantucket/Cape Cod, Mass

11. Hike Down into the Grand Canyon and stay at Ghost Ranch - Arizona

12. Sanibel Island, Florida

What place in the US would you really like to see?

New Life

It was an honor today to share in the joy of my good friends, Josh and Michelle Britt (Josh is our Student Pastor and Michelle is one of our worship leaders) as they welcomed Caleb Matthew Britt into the world and their family. Having a baby is a momentous event in anyone's life - one that is filled with joy, perhaps some pain, excitement, anticipation and a little fear and anxiety too, if we're honest. When we have a baby - first one or not - our lives are touched in a special way and we are never the same. I don't know that I truly understood what love was until I held my daughter in my arms for the first time. Being a parent helped me understand God's Father love for me as never before. Conception, pregnancy and birth are so mysterious - we know the scientific facts, but we still cannot fully fathom how a child comes to be, to live inside it's mother (which is a truly bizarre and fantastic experience for us mothers) and then to leave that comfort and live in this world. We see through the conception and birth of a child once again how utterly amazing our God is.

I've had the wonderful experience of being with three different women during the birth of their children and there is nothing like the moment when those precious babies made their appearance. We cheered the moms on, held the hand of the dads, prayed fervently and were - in the end - an eyewitness to the creative power and glory of our God.

Jesus called coming to know Him and entering into the family of God being "Born Again". I thought about that today as we waited. What parallels do you see between our physical birth and our spiritual birth? One that I thought of as we gathered at the window to take about a thousand pictures of Caleb is that I know God greets our "spiritual birthday" as a moment of great joy. He has longed for that day. He lovingly awaits our arrival as we turn to Him. I'd love to hear your input on how these two events - physical and spiritual birth - relate to one another. What can we learn from the birth of a child as we consider our own spiritual birth as a child of God?

Today was a good day. I loved sharing this event with the Britts. I loved getting to see sweet Caleb and to pray for him yet again.

Josh and Michelle, our family rejoices with you. We praise and thank God with you. We appreciate your sharing this momentous event with us. That is what doing life together is all about! Josh, as I watched you with Caleb I saw a picture of how tenderly and lovingly our Heavenly Father holds and loves us. Thank you for that glimpse into our Father's heart for us.

So - everyone - share your insights!

Daddy Josh holding Caleb

Mommy Michelle looking in the window at Caleb

Who is Influencing You?

God sends people into our lives in His own timing to help us grow, to challenge us, to teach us, to speak into our lives and to help us journey with God. Most of the time these people are involved in our way in a personal way but sometimes their influence comes through teachings and books. I've even met some great new friends in the blogosphere and have been led by God to think from some different angles because of their writing. God uses these people's wisdom, insight and experience to help us grow and learn and even become more like Christ. As John Donne said, "No man is an island" - and we all grow together.

Through the years I've been influenced by coaches, pastors, friends, authors, songwriters, teachers, other leaders and of course my family.

So who has influenced you and taught you and encouraged you on your journey with Christ?

A Grief Observed

 Yes, I totally ripped off this title. But it is so apt for what I want to share with you about my journey. I've been trying to share - one tidbit at a time - some of the things I learned as I walked through the past couple of years. I've read (don't remember who said this) that "an unexamined life is not worth living" and as I struggled through this difficulty I tried to examine my life and my heart and learn from the whole experience. It was painful and at times I just wanted to shut my eyes tightly, put my fingers in my ears and sing really loud, pretending none of this was happening. But one of the main things I learned is that no matter how much I might hate it, grief will not be denied - it will have its way in my life. My part is to allow it shape me so that I am more like my Savior.

In the aftermath of our pastor's wife's (and my friend) death, I felt a huge amount of grief. But as I've written before here and here, I had to put on my minister's hat and keep on going. I really never had a chance to stop. I wanted to help our pastor and - in his absence - I felt very responsible to keep things going at church. But the grief would catch me unawares and overwhelm me at odd times. Sometimes I felt horribly sad and sometimes I felt very angry - both at her and at God. I would be standing at the mirror, in the quietness of the morning, putting on my makeup and tears would just course down my face - uncontrollably. I realized that it hit me anytime I was alone and still. When I was not distracting myself with other things, the grief would come - as it should. Even though I tried valiently to press on and take care of everyone else, my own grief could not be denied. In the following months we lost about a third of our church body and eventually our pastor as well (who was a long time friend). By then I was struggling with grief on many, many different levels. My grief was no longer simple. Many days I could not tell you exactly what I was grieving about - the loss of a friend through death, the sadness I felt over a friend leaving our church, losing a ministry team member, losing our pastor, or even the perceived loss of a dream. I just grieved and grieved and grieved. And I did not want to. I wanted desperately to be strong, to stand firm, to lead with courage. Inside I just wanted the pain to stop. I grieved what once was, what I once had, what our church was once like. For a long time I think I simply did not want to face the truth, thinking that if I worked long enough and hard enough, I could fix things or keep things from continuing to go awry.

I learned a hard lesson about grief through all of this. As I've said, it simply will not be denied. It will have its way. It will happen in its own timing and in its own way. It will happen when you least expect it. Grief does not need our permission and we cannot control it. It simply is. If we think we are in control of our grief, we are deluded. I now believe this with all of my heart.

Grief feels horrible because it continually brings us face to face with the truth that we want so desperately to deny and even escape. When I ran from my grief, I denied reality.

The reality is -

Life will never be the same. We will never be the same.

And we will have to figure out how to go on.

In the midst of that, grief keeps us from staying in denial and - even though it is painful - this process is from God and it is intended for our healing. Through grief we work through our loss and hopefully - at some level - we surrender our loss to God.

I've also learned that this takes time. I can read a book about it, listen to teaching about it, pray about it, but ultimately grief has it's own timetable. I can't deny it but neither can I force its hand and rush through it. It just happens.

I had to learn to accept, to surrender, to even embrace the work grief was doing in my heart.

I'm reminded of a song from Susan Ashton called "Stand" -

With visible breath, I'm calling your name
With visible tracks, I'm finding my way
With a sorrowful heart, I honor this pain
And offer these tears to the rain

In a moment of truth at the top of the hill
I open my arms and let go of my will

And stand with my face to the wind
With the storm beating down on this sacred ground
If I stand for the grace that I've known
For what I believe
Then I won't stand alone
No I won't stand alone

There's a new pair of eyes to embrace all I see
A new peace of mind and it comes quietly
There's a joy in my heart that you've given to me
And I offer this soul's melody

So I beat on my chest till my song has been sung
And I cry like a wolf at the top of my lungs

And stand with my face to the wind
With the storm beating down on this sacred ground
If I stand for the grace that I've known
For what I believe
Then I won't stand alone
No I won't stand alone

 

Who is Out There?

Tonight I don't have much to say, so I thought I'd find out whose reading this thing. There is a point to this - I'm trying to make some blog decisions! Please help me out friends! Here are the questions:

1) name

2) where are you from?

3) how did you find my blog?

Just hit "comment" below and let me hear from you!

California Pictures Posted!

I hope you'll take a moment to browse through my favorite shots from our trip to California last week. We were on the Monterey Peninsula with a short stop in San Francisco. You can click on the link to the right entitled "California 2008" or go directly there here. Enjoy!