A Worshipful Heart

Afraid to Love

If you hate emotion go ahead and quit reading now. I am going to be nauseatingly open and vulnerable in this post. I'm in the midst of trying to process some things God is teaching me and I've decided to take the chance and address some of what I'm struggling through here on my blog.

I attended a women's retreat this weekend and we watched Beth Moore's DVD series on "Loving Well". The first point that was made was simply that to love well we must be assured that we are loved well. As a minister I know the importance of leading, ministering out of the overflow of my own relationship with God. I cannot lead others somewhere I am not going. In a similar statement Beth stated that God is never going to do through us (outwardly to others) what we will not allow Him to do within is or to us. In view of these thoughts, I am sharing this struggle with you all.

It occurred to me this weekend that I am afraid to love. I am even somewhat afraid to be myself. It began as a whisper in my heart as I was listening to Beth teach and it just reverberated louder and louder all weekend - I was forced to face an unpleasant truth about myself. I have become somewhat afraid to love others. I hate to see that in print. It's so ugly. Yet I must admit that it is true. I am terrified of being hurt again. I am afraid that I will offer my love and it will be rejected. Or maybe I should say that I am afraid I will offer myself and  be rejected. I don't think I have always been like this. I used to bounce through life, very honestly and expansively offering my affection and care to those I encountered. I love people and I enjoyed getting to know those God brought into my life. I enjoy doing things for others and I love doing life together. But something has happened to me along the way, most notably during the past few years. There have been some notable moments of criticism from friends and even a slow realization that some people meet me and actually do not even like me! (Imagine that!) And yes, there are friends that I have purposefully reached out to and tried to love on - and it seems to have only irritated them, not actually built a relationship of love. I feel like I failed in those relationships. Additionally, leading worship is a very public thing and not everyone likes how I do that of course. All of these things hurt. In ministry you don't just do a job, you don't just give time, you give your heart. And when these things happened to me, tender soul that I am, I felt personally rejected. Right or wrong, these are the honest feelings I struggled with and I guess I still struggle with it.

I realized that slowly I had begun to hold back a part of myself, afraid to show you all of me for fear of what you would think or say. If I am really myself, will you think I talk too much, laugh too loud? Will you think I am too emotional or too sensitive? Will I get on your nerves? If I share something on a Sunday morning or even with my team will you judge me? Will you cynically dismiss my thoughts? Will you take the time to actually see my heart? Will you like me even when I am not strong or even when I totally mess up? Obviously this is terribly self absorbed and I don't even think that these thoughts are fully formed and totally conscious, I think I just realized that I have a bit more of a shell than I used to. I realized that in some part of me I was holding back more than before. I realized that I didn't feel as safe as I used to and I felt more defensive than I had in a while.

This makes me so sad - for many reasons, but mainly because I see so clearly that I have so far to go. I realized that I must allow God more access to my imperfect heart. I want Him to have His perfect way in me and I know that fear is not God's perfect way! I know that this fear limits my ability to love others, to love you, as both God and I desire. I have often thought in the past year that God was trying to teach me to simply learn to rest in His love for me. I know that I cannot earn that love. I can never be good enough to make God love me more. And I think this is where we get stuck with humans. Most of us have been taught through human interaction that others will love us if we please them. To be honest we rarely experience this faithful, biblical, unconditional love from others - maybe our mothers, hopefully our spouses, in a few rare friends. So we are scared. Or at least I am. Quite simply I learned this weekend that I am afraid that I will never be good enough to "keep" the love of those around me - of you, my friends. So now what do I do about it? How do I conquer it? How do I put myself out there without this care and concern? How can I truly become the woman of God that He has designed and purposed for me to be with this nagging anxiety and insecurity in my heart and head? How I can quit being so horribly self focused?

I'm not sure but I guess I do it one day at a time, one step at a time, one moment at a time. I must determine to be real, to be me, to let the real Jan shine through. I must determine to reach into your life, to give you a hug, to take a risk even through these feelings. As Beth said, I must choose to love simply because I AM LOVED, not so I can BE loved. I suppose that most of all I must rest my fear and anxiety in God's perfect, unfailing love. I must risk........and that takes faith most of all doesn't it?

Home Again

Well, we are home again. We're busy doing laundry, unpacking and fighting jet lag! I just wanted to say how much I have enjoyed sharing this adventure with you. I have enjoyed your comments - on this site, via email and in person. As I would walk through each day I would think of different friends and family members that I wished I could share a particular piece of my adventure with. I would see something that would amaze me or make me laugh and I would tell myself "I need to remember to write about that!". It really made the experience richer to share it with you, my friends and family. In a small way I felt like you were with me as I climbed the tower of Notre Dame, sailed across the Alps, hiked to Mer de Glace (when I kept meaning to call back home to the "Green Room" but kept forgetting!), walked down Champs Elysees, marveled at the view from the Arc de Triumph, ate my first chocolate religuese (sp?), strolled along the Seine, and biked at Versailles, ate ice cream on Ile de St. Louis, watched the artists on Monmarte and gazed in amazement at the perfume counters in Galleries Lafayette! Truthfully, you were in my heart. Thank you for welcoming us home again with open arms. As much as I absolutely love to travel, it is always nice to welcomed back and to know that I was missed! We all want to know that we matter!

To wrap up my observations about France I will leave you with one thing that touched me. I know it's a cultural thing but I it's a custom I would love to adopt. I think the world might be a friendlier place if we greeted one another as they do in France, with a kiss on each cheek. I watched people do this as they arrived at work, as they met on the street, as they said Au revoir. It touched something deep within my heart. I am a very demonstrative person and I love to touch and be touched by those I love! You may not know this but my mother's family is from France (they left in the Hugenot persecution around 1550 so it's been awhile!) so I wonder if it's just a genetic thing for me? Anyway, I loved the open expressiveness of their affection and was moved by that.

I am thankful for a safe trip and Phil and I are already wondering where we can start planning to go next! Thank you for your prayers! A bientot!

Day 7 in France

Well here I am, on my next to last day in Paris! Daniel and I started our day today with a kind of honest to goodness American breakfast. Chocolate, juice, ham, an egg and croissant were included - as well as a cucumber and some lettuce with some kind of dressing on it. That part wasn't very American! After we ate we strolled down Rue Cler, a pedestrian market street near our hotel. We stopped in the stores and looked around, buying some local products such as muesli (I'm a big granola fan) and Blackberry Honey from Auxerres, which we drove through on our trip to Chamonix. We also decided that we were behind on our chocolate tasting so we stopped in a chocolatier that has been in the same family for several hundred years at the same location. One of the reasons we are behind is because I can never figure out what to order - I don't know what anything is! I was adventurous today and ordered florentines and they were really great. I plan to bring some home along with some truffles from our other neighborhood chocalatier - actually there are two I haven't even tried! Daniel wasn't feeling well so he decided to rest while I went shopping. I walked over to Place de la Concorde (where there used to be a very busy guillotine and now there is a ferris wheel and fountains and a little Washington monument! I strolled down rue Rivole and rue Honore, in and out of all the tourist shops (selling scarves for 2 euros made me wonder who they had stolen them from) mixed in among the big names. I went into the most expensive of perfumeries and smelled their perfumes (a fantasy of mine is to one day own a true French perfume) and wandered into clothing shops and boutiques just to look. The 2007 Rugby World Cup is being held here now so signs for that were plastered everywhere. Another thing that was everywhere were gypseys. I had never seen an honest to goodness gypsey before that I know of. I walked for blocks and blocks, amazed that there is enough money in the world to keep ALL of these very expensive stores in business. Some are very humble and some are outrageously expensive and they sit side by side in this area. I somehow got on a road that went diagonally (Place de la Opera for those of you who know!) and ended up at the Opera Garnier. I knew that the department stores were right behind this so I went into Galleries Lafayette and it is unlike anything I have ever seen. It was beyond words - and I only saw one floor out of seven. There was every kind of perfume in the world it seemed and the smell was heavenly. Every designer was represented in handbags, scarves, jewely, clothing. And above it all is the most beautiful stained glass dome ceiling! I bought some soap and was proud to be able to afford that! After my walk on the wild side I hailed a taxi and went back to the hotel to meet Phil. We decided to head up to Monmatre to see Sacre Coeur Basilica and the artists in the square. As we climbed the many stairs to walk up Monmatre, we saw beautiful views of Paris and Sacre Coeur ........and heard a guy with a latino accent singing "Hotel California" to admiring audiences. We peeked into the basilica but there was actually 6:00 mass going on (isn't it odd that we could walk around in it during that?) so we didn't stay. Instead we headed to the artist's alley. I'll be honest, I expected it to be bigger for some reason. Maybe we arrived late, but while there were about 30 artists, I expected (according to pictures and reports) at least a 100! We managed to talk Daniel out of having a picture of himself drawn to give April as her souvenir from Paris (joke here!) and then I settled down to the serious business of choosing a picture to take home with me. I finally chose an oil painting that included the Seine and the Eiffel Tower and we sat down to eat. I finished first and wandered off (cell phone in my pocket!) to look around at the shops. I had ordered a coke with dinner and as my dinner was only 9 euros didn't ask the price of the drink! Big mistake! Phil saved the receipt to show me that we had paid 8 euros for a glass of coke! However, in my defense it was over a full cup of ice and it was delicious. I told him he should be happy he doesn't have to buy me wine!

Last day is tomorrow!

Day 6 in France

Wednesday was Phil’s first work day so he got up early to take the train to Massey. Daniel and I decided to eat our pastry on the run and we walked down the Seine to Musee d’Orsay. On the way we were approached twice by scam artists wanting to “sell” us a “gold” ring they found on the ground. It happened a total of 3 times in one day so Daniel and I must look really gullible! This museum is full of impressionistic art works by Monet, Manet, Renoir, Van Gogh, Degas, and many others. I even found some new favorites! I loved the landscapes most of all as I just got a feeling for a place as I looked at the painting. I have already seen some of my favorite paintings by these artists actually hanging in the U.S. in the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC. After feeling a bit “museumed out” we went walking down Saint Germaine-des-Pres in search of Café Deux Magots. This is a café frequented by Hemingway, Picasso and none other than Jim Morrison. We went in and had sandwiches for lunch, watching the people walk by. All cafes in Paris that I have seen have ALL seats oriented for watching the street! We then wandered down Rue Jacob and found this wonderful store with fabric items and bought some gifts. Then we found a pottery shop with pottery from the south of France. Since I collect pottery from all over I was thrilled to be able to take some home from France. We wandered in and out of several shops and then crossed the Seine to see Saint Chappelle, a church renowned for it’s stained glass walls. It used to be the church for the original palace and sits in the center of the Justice Dept. now, which is really odd. The lower sanctuary is very medieval looking (built in the 1400’s so it should)  and it was for the servants. The upstairs chapel was for the royalty – and the king himself. Louis IX (I believe – there were a LOT of Louis’s!) had Saint Chappelle built to house religious relics, namely the crown of thorns. He purchased this artifact and it is brought out only time a year at Lent. Obviously we don’t really know if this is the real thing but it’s interesting anyway. Apparently collecting religious artifacts was a big thing back then and sort of gave a king power in some way. Sadly, after the Revolution in France, this church was “Secularized” and used to store papers. It has now been restored although I don’t believe services are held there anymore. After this tour Daniel and I walked around to the end of Ile de Cite and sat in the park at Pont Neuf and fed the pigeons and wrens, then caught a taxi home. My feet are beginning to hurt me from so much walking. After Phil’s return we took a cruise down the Seine on a boat that boasted that it held 1000 passengers!! I’m not sure I would have advertised that way as it seemed like a minus and not a plus to me. Again, we were in the middle of a group of people from many different countries touring Paris. We all oohed and aahhhed together at Paris by night, all lit up in her glory! The Eiffel Tower is especially beautiful and sparkles at the top of every hour, which was worth the price of admission. All in all, another beautiful day in Paris!

Day 5 in France

Tuesday we visited Versailles. We got up, hit the patisserie (of course) and, as our desk clerk told us, caught the “quickly train” to the suburbs, where Versailles is located. We followed the absolute throngs of people from around the world who were going to catch a glimpse of the most incredible palace in all of Europe, the monument to the decadence of Louis XIV in particular. We started with the chapel, which was covered in gold gilt, much like the rest of the palace. We were told that later in life after outliving three of his heirs, he became a religious king. Of course if you know your history you know that this was in the time period where kings were believed to rule by divine right from God – they believed themselves to be emissaries from God to those on earth. So in the chapel, Louis sat in the balcony with his family facing the altar and the servants, etc. who worshipped down below faced him (away from the altar). That really disturbed me! Anyway, we moved through the very crowded rooms of Versailles admiring all of the incredible paintings, wallpaper, mirrors and just really over the top decorating! In Marie Antoinette’s bedroom I actually thought I might become dizzy from all the different patterns and gilt and almost every ceiling had a picture painted on it. We moved kind of quickly to the gardens but we made a severe tactical error at this point. I went to the bathroom (where I waited 20 minutes to get in) and did not take my cell phone. This was a mistake. We got separated and it took us an hour to find one another thanks to a sweet little British lady (she looked like my idea of Miss Marple in Dame Agatha’s books) who offered me the use of her phone. After we reconnected (this really is a BIG place) we explored the gardens, walking down by the canal and the tree mazes. We stopped to recover and ate a wonderfully healthy lunch of crepes and waffles with chantilly (whipped cream)! I will admit that Phil ordered a jambon and fromage baguette but he did eat part of my waffle!! We were sort of short on time so we decided to rent bikes to explore the rest of the grounds, but it’s so big we didn’t even make a dent. We loved riding the bikes – the weather was gorgeous and the views were so pastoral and serene away from the crowds and the overwhelming gilt. After we exited we hiked back to the train station, this time fighting our way through many people trying to sell us Paris scarves and little Eiffel tower key rings for 1 euro each. What a miserable way to make a living! We took the train back to Paris and crossed the Seine to begin our walk down that most famous of all avenues Champs Elysees. When we first crossed the avenue to begin walking and I looked up (amid lots of traffic) and saw the Arc de Triumph it was a stunning sight and I took a picture while Phil dragged me across the street. As we looked in awe at All the stores in front of us we decided what our first stop must be. The bathroom! We found this kind of store called “WC” that looked like a day spa where you paid 1.5 euros to go to the bathroom, with an attendant and everything. I was happy to pay, I was thankful for a clean bathroom. You could pay 25 euros (this is about $31) FOR A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER with designs on it! After our stop at the WC we began our traipse down the street, peering in the designer perfumeries and Sephora, where I was surprised to see that Bare Escentuals has just started being sold in Paris, touted as the #1 makeup in America! I can easily buy more colors in Huntsville than in the biggest Sephora store in the world. I thought that was funny. We also stopped in Monoprix, sort of like an upscale Target. The French love their dogs and they take them everywhere. I’ve seen people take them into hotels, restaurants and a woman had hers with her in Monprix! We visited the Virgin Megastore, looked in the Pugeot and Mercedes showrooms and looked into McDonalds which had it’s own patisserie! Finally we arrived at the Arc de Triumph with it’s now famous traffic circle and went through an underground tunnel to get to the center. We climbed the 284 stairs and were surrounded by spectacular views of the city of Paris. The sun was setting and we just hung around and took our time and saw the sunset as well – it was stunning and peaceful all at the same time, a moment to remember. Oh, and for dinner Daniel and I had this really great Quatro Formaggio Pizza at this little Italian place near our hotel!

Day 4 in France

Hi! I apologize for the weirdly poetic style of editing to my two previous posts. I had to cut and paste and typepad apparently didn't like that. Oh well, here I am back in Paris after our trip to the mountains. We had a less eventful day today because we spent alot of it in the car. However I do have a few adventures to share. We started our day by visiting the patisserie (this is about all the shopping we've done!) and ordering one of several things. We dropped into a grocery store called "Petite Casino" ? and went in to get some cokes. By the way, Pepsi is no where to be seen in France, which is sad for me. No Mountain Dews! We saw a funny thing in the grocery store - they had 6 packs of potato chips in the refrigerator section. I don't know why. Then we pulled out, turned on the handy GPS Phil has named NELL and headed back to Paris. We passed what was probably the most complete view of Mont Blanc and glacier Gaunte from this vantage point but when I stopped to take a picture I couldn't even get it all! It's really beyond words. We only stopped once to get a quick lunch and to buy gas. I got excited at the idea of a fountain Coke with ice in it so I ordered one with my quiche to "take away" and the guy put the coke IN MY SACK in the cup, but there was NO ICE. My hopes were dashed for a coke over ice! We arrived in Paris and the excitement really mounted as we missed a turn and had to drive around the Arc de Triumph not once but TWICE. I thought I might really wet my pants. I have no idea what the rules are but we obviously don't know them. It was - to put it nicely - exhilerating! Phil did manage to get us to the car rental place however without a wreck and we only had one policeman yell at us. (I don't know what for) Oh well, it's a memory to share. We checked into our apartment rooms and then headed to the Eiffel Tower. It started to rain while we were in line but we went up anyway. It was beautiful in a hazy watercolor kind of way. People from all nations were crowding on the elevators - a real UN of everyday people hurrying to the top of one of the most famous structures in the world. When we came down it lit up and was so beautiful. A taxi ride later and we were eating at Cafe Nisoice and enjoying Profiterilles de Chocolate Chaud for dessert! Daniel did a wonderful job asking for things from our waiters in French. Now I have to go to bed to get some sleep because tomorrow we think we'll go to Versailles if it doesn't rain too bad. It's our last day with Phil! So sad! I did discover some great perfume tonight in the pharmacy that I hope to go back and get later. It was yummy and probably much cheaper than Gaultier (which I'd love to have but cannot imagine that I can afford!).

Au revoir! Beintot!

Day 3 in Paris - Sunday

We headed out at 8:00 am for the lift to Aguille du Midi and our up close views of the famous

Mont Blanc

. We were all dragging a bit today and the knowledge that we were getting up at what felt like midnight to us made it worse. We got in line with a whole lot of really outdoor junkies who were on their way to do ice and snow hiking and rock and ice climbing. I felt like such a total tourist and a bit worried about how cold we would be in our sweatshirts and jeans when I saw them in their full weather gear. We all piled in the lift and away we went. At Plan de l’Aguille (halfway to the top) we changed over to our next lift and things really got interesting then. WOW! The views were incredible. I really cannot describe what we began to see at this point. Mont Blanc is one of the highest points in the

Alps

. At the top we got off and immediately noticed one thing – we felt a bit woozy and out of breath. Well, we were at 3777 meters! We sat down in the café and had THE BEST chocolate croissants! They were simply marvelous and we even went back and got more. We checked out the views from the terrace and then took an elevator to the Summit Lookout, which is at 3842 meters which is 12602 feet to you and me. The views were absolutely breathtaking and as I walked up the edge of the railing that looked onto

Mont Blanc

I did what I do so often when I am confronted with God’s incredible glorious creativity and power. I cried. The verse that welled up into my heart was this: “When I consider your handiwork and the works of your hands, what is man that you are mindful of him?”.  I stood there looking at one of the most awe inspiring sites I have ever seen I was confronted once again with the majesty and might of our God, and I was once again humbled by His love for me and His knowledge of ME! The God that created these mountains created me as well and knows me by name. It was a precious moment with God. From there we took a little cable car over to

Hellbronner Point

,

Italy

. We silently glided over hikers, snow caves, snow campers and Glacier Gaunte and past simply unbelievable views of

Mont Blanc

and the Alpine mountain range. (I think I am kind of adventuresome but have NO desire to camp in the snow) We shared our cable car with a lady from

Germany

named Heidi. Daniel looked at her and said (in French) “Good day. How are you? My name is Daniel.” She just looked at him in confusion and then said “I’m Heidi – from

Germany

”. We got a laugh out of that. We exited in

Italy

and were above the clouds so there weren’t any views, but there was a statue of Christ up on the look out that said “Christ Premier de Cordee”. I am not sure what that means – I’ll have to look it up unless one of you knows Italian and can translate! Phil had a great cappucino and I had a cup of what tasted like pure chocolate syrup. We swooped back down and got off at Plan de l’Aguille to hike over to Mar de la Glace, another glacier. We hiked through a mountain meadow and saw so many gorgeous vistas that I cannot even begin to describe them. We were told that this hike took 2 hours 15 minutes. HA! It took us 4 hours, with stops for lunch and to get our breath. At first it was easy but then we steadily climbed again til I honestly thought we were gonna climb the whole mountain again! When we finally drug our poor bodies onto the train back into town we had hiked about 7 miles – and be certain that they were seven mountainous, rocky miles! We unashamedly ate pasta for dinner and crepes for dessert and all had to soak in the tub! All in all a glorious day together! Tomorrow back to

Paris

! Phil only has two more days and then he has to work.

Day 2 in France - Saturday

Day 2 in

France

This morning we got up EARLY and headed to the car rental place to get our car for our adventure in the French countryside. We piled in the car with our handy GPS and away we roared into the

Paris

traffic. Phil is pretty fearless and didn’t seemed too upset over things that would have made me very nervous. We spent most of the day on the interstate but decided we wanted to find somewhere to stop for lunch. I looked this up in the Rick Steve’s book and we decided on Beaune, a medieval city that had a Saturday market and a very beautiful town square. It is in the Burgundy area of

France

, well known for Burgundy wines and Burgundian cuisine and is near

Dijon

, which I had to explain to Daniel was a place first then a mustard. We drove around the walled part of the city looking for a place to park. Finally we settled on a parking garage. There was one place left and I’m just glad I didn’t have to pull a car into it. It was tiny. Daniel and I clambered out and Phil – after much maneuvering – parked the car. Then he realized that he could not get out! So he rolled down his window and crawled out the window! Daniel and I thought this was the funniest moment of our day. We made our way to the town square and when we were walking through the streets Phil commented, “This looks like

Disneyworld

”. To our eyes more accustomed to modern architecture the medieval pedestrian streets with the beautiful window baskets of flowers did indeed look almost fake, just like you would see at Disney! (I suppose that this means Disney did a good job creating their little areas) We walked through the shops, bought some local spice bread and cookies and then we hit the market. We saw a lot of sausages for sale (this was so gross to me), beautiful flower stands, fruits and vegetables and mushrooms and olives and cheeses. We stopped and got some cheese and some Cassis jam (like a blackberry/grape flavor) and of course Phil bought some coffee. For those of you who are Agatha Christie fans, you may know that Hercule Peirot drinks a Cassis liquer, so I thought that this “specialty” of the region was some sort of liquor. In this small town not as many people spoke English so we had fun trying to communicate about this. Finally someone showed us a picture. They were very good natured about it and that was a friendly experience. We also looked over the “antique” stands, which I loved and after much debate over what I could actually fit in my suitcase to bring home I didn’t get any antique china (which I collect) but got an old book of Romans in French with a pearl inlaid cover. The vendor threw in an old rosary for free. Daniel bought a bow (for a violin) and I sent Phil over to haggle over some small aperitif glasses that I use for communion. (really I do!) I collect those so I’ll enjoy using them and remembering our fun in the French market. We had such a good time experiencing a true slice of French life. We were about the only ones there without a basket doing our weekly shopping.

Then it was back to try to get out of the parking garage (Phil again climbed through the window to get in) and we were on our way. Next stop – Chateau de la Rochepot and a scenic drive through vineyard country to get there. It was a beautiful drive, so different from anything I’d ever seen before. We went to the castle and knocked on this door over the REAL moat and went inside. We saw the bedrooms (cold and dark) and the gardens and kitchen and dining areas. They had their own chapel as well. Daniel thought this was the coolest thing ever and it was well worth our time. A “serendipity” stop – one we had not planned on, just decided kind of on the spur of the moment to do. We headed out down cobbled one lane streets to try to relocate the interstate. We drove in the general direction and amidst much good natured arguing we finally found our way out. We were on such little streets and they twisted and turned so much that our poor GPS was completely confused. We went on to

Chamonix

, traveling through increasingly mountainous terrain. We went through many tunnels and over many viaducts to get to this valley town. We went to a recommended restaurant to eat genuine Savoyan food and then crashed for the night. We had had a full day!!!

First Day in Paris

Bonjour! Well, we've just completed our first day in Paris and I think I am still stunned. I am finding it hard to actually believe we are here. Phil keeps saying "Can you believe we are in Paris?". I keep answering, "Actually, I can't". Our day started on the plane. We flew all night and I woke up just as we were flying over Europe somewhere, right as we were beginning to see a thin slice of red on the horizon. We were flying into the sunrise, which was really beautiful and reminded me of watching the sun rise over Haleakala Crater on Maui. Very surreal and almost spacey looking. We landed about 8:15 Paris time and walked right through customs. I did not see them checking anyone's bags, which is a bit bothersome! We got into a VERY long line for a taxi and waited and then we rode into the city. This took much longer than I thought it would. At first I was a bit disappointed because it looked like any American city except for the motorcycles roaring between cars and everything being in French. When we got closer to downtown though we encountered some traffic situations we don't normally have and I held my breath as we circled around the Arc de Triumph. Whoever designed this obviously never dreamed of the automobile. There are no lanes and many, many cars weaving in and out going who knows where in a kind of automobile derby free for all. I finally just closed my eyes as our driver darted through cars going in all directions toward an exit. We arrived at the Hotel de la Tulipe in the Tour Eiffel area. We dumped our bags and immediately set out to find a patisserie.

We found one and Daniel impressed us by easily greeting the clerk and ordering in French. The pastries were yummy of course and we continued our stroll down Rue Cler. After a short rest and lunch at an outdoor cafe, we were ready to tackle our first sight seeing. We managed to buy chocolates and metro tickets and make our way to Notre Dame. It really is very impressive. It sits in the middle of the Seine River and is just so huge, towering above all other structures there. We walked by the booksellers stalls and got in line to go in. When we entered the first thing that struck me was the light. The light reflecting through the stained glass windows above and the warmth of the hundreds of glowing votive candles below. So many prayers, so many hopes, so many lives represented. As we walked around this church that took over 200 years to build (just the center) I was amazed at the patience and vision of a people that would choose to give their lives to build something they had no hope of ever seeing completed. They knew they would never worship in that church yet they built it anyway in the heart of Paris. As I watched a couple light a candle, then kneel and pray, I thought of how cavalierly we tend to come into our own place of worship. There was a great reverance there that was humbling to be a part of. We sat and listened quietly to a children's choir sing and tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of this beautiful place of worship with so few true worshipers to come in. (the French are mostly very nominal Catholics) That saddened me, yet I did feel a sense of God's holy presence in that time.

We went out to get in line to climb the tower and we almost lost Phil at this point to the creperie that was across the street. He finally agreed to climb the 400 plus stairs with us if we'd go immediately afterwards to get a crepe. So up we went and it was quite a climb. But when we got to the top - WOW! what a view. All of Paris was before us. It was so beautiful. We climbed all the way up in these narrow worn stairs and were just stunned by how amazing the view was. After we finally made our way back down to earth we collapsed in the creperie, crepes in hand, to recover. To be honest at this time we were just beat. We did wander a bit more, looking at the views, walking along the Seine, but we were really done in. So back to the hotel we went to get ready for tomorrow - our trip to Chamonix via car (pray for us!!!) and the French Alps!

Keep reading! We're having the adventure of a lifetime!

Almost on our way!

Well, we're almost on our way! I can't believe it! Tomorrow morning we set off for our adventure together. Now, granted, we'll spend all day tomorrow flying or in airports, but we'll be making progress towards France, we'll be together and even this is part of the adventure. Flying and waiting don't bother me too much because I welcome the chance to sit and read, to listen to my iPod, to walk around and look in all the airport shops, to just sit and talk. We're still together and it will be a good mental break from work as well. So pray for us and I'll update as we go! We are all thrilled at this opportunity. Au revoir for now!