Things I'm Learning

I wanted to quickly share with you all a couple of things God really led me to deal with on this trip. For those of you who know me, you know I've struggled to learn to relax. (that's an oxymoronic statement, huh?) I've tended to fill each day up, constantly referring to my "to do" list, and worried about all the things and people I had to keep organized - I just could not seem to turn my brain off. In the last few months, God has been leading me to relax a bit more, showing me how I need to rest in Him more and more and to trust HIM to act as well. As I was flying over to Kauai this time, I was reading a book and the author talked about "honoring the sacredness of this present moment" - in other words, paying attention to the gift of NOW and being fully present in IT, instead of living in regret for the past or anxiety for the future. For a worrier like myself, this was a challenging statement to consider, but I felt led by God to really take this to heart while I was away with Phil. Given what all I've been working through, the past and the future are ALWAYS on my mind, so this was a struggle for me. Whenever I was tempted to make a list, or worry about a future struggle, or even to remember a painful relationship, I remembered that God had given me the gift of that moment and I was going to be thankful and honor it, enjoying all God was giving me and doing in me RIGHT THEN - the warm drowziness of sleep, the beauty of the sun shining on the water, the joy of being with Phil. In doing this I found myself more aware of the blessings of God, the wonder of being with Him, and the beauty of His creation. In this way I didn't allow regret, worry and anxiety rob me of the joy of life! I also gave Phil a gift by doing this - I was truly with him, my thoughts were not elsewhere and distracted. I gave him the gift of my full attention - and it was wonderful.

Another funny thing God spoke to me about is somewhat related. All of you ladies can relate to this - when you are 42 years old and go to the beach with many younger women around it's hard not to absolutely obsess about all of your physical flaws. There was one moment I thought, "I wish I had at least ENJOYED being thin and fit and young!".  I felt embarassed alot of times and worried about how I looked. God really brought me up short on this train of thought as well, so I spent time thanking God that my body is strong and healthy. No it's not perfect and aging really is humiliating, but it's a fact! Just like I don't want to let being ill keep me from living fully, I also do not want to let my own low self esteem or a lack of confidence keep me from experiencing all of the riches of this one life I have to live. So I jumped in the water with my boogie board and adopted an "I don't care" attitude. I was thankful for the opportunity and I didn't know anyone anyway! This was just another way I had to learn to relax, let go, focus on thankfulness and the present moment. And a great blessing of this was that I got to swim with the turtles! That wouldn't have happened if I had stayed on shore!

To further my journy into relaxing, today Phil and I bought a Wii! I'm gonna have to practice up......

Comments

[Alison]

I hate to tell you, but a Wii is not relaxing. You will be sore! Happy, but sore! :)

[Amanda]

Jan, wow....

I just returned from a retreat this weekend where I finally have been determined to leave all my worry, anticipation, etc. behind. God has been telling me to relax in Him, "live in the moment of now," & trust Him more for MONTHS, & I just haven't been able to. This weekend I finally dropped those burdens & am determined not to pick them up again!

I was praying today that God would help lead me to what I CAN do when my mind trails into worries or trying to anticipate Him (something He made me realize I need to stop doing!) & your blog entry was a blessing to me for that! I am going to start thinking about the blessing of whatever NOW I'm in at any given moment.

I'll be praying for you as well in this. :) I am so thankful that God led you to post this in the timing you did. He is sooooo faithful & beyond!

[JohnnyJ]

Thanks for this post, Jan. It addresses a part of what I just posted about on my blog (Yes, I'm back after a Facebook-induced three week break). I need to swim with a turtle today!

[Jenni Catron]

Jan, I can relate to so much of what you talked about in this post. Thanks for helping me process some of the things that God is trying to teach me right now.