I've Been Broken

If I could use one word to describe myself the past few years it would be BROKEN.

If I could conjure up one image that would help you visualize the work God has done in my life it would be a torn up paper doll all put back together, with a little red, beating, tender heart that is glowing with light. And I can honestly say that today I am glad I have been broken. I couldn't say that all along, and I say it with a bit of fear now. But in my heart of hearts I know that I am a very different person than I was 2 1/2 years ago, I know that being broken launched a revolution in my life and heart and I will never, ever be the same. For this I am very thankful. Because of this I can thank God for this season of life and His work in me. Because of this I was eventually able to embrace the brokenness and let God work in my life though it.

This is a hard word to accept. We would prefer to run from it. Believe me, I fought against it. I spent months "just waiting for it to be over". I just wanted to move out of the darkness of despair and grief and onto the sunny days of hope and victory!

The honest truth is that when I was broken I felt like I was stripped bare and exposed. 

I got to see myself as I really was. I had to face the places in my life where I was needy, and difficult, and addicted to approval, and - worst of all - fooling myself. God exposed many vain affections in my life. I had to accept that there were many places in my heart where I was unlike Christ. And that was painful.

But it's the best thing that could have happened to me.

All of my crutches in life were taken away from me. Everything I thought was stable seemed to be uncertain. I was at the end of myself. I had one stronghold - no more pride, no more thinking I could handle ANYTHING, no more resting in my own abilities, I felt totally alone - I could only hold onto Christ and His love for me. It was humbling. It was revealing.

And God used it in a mighty way.

Although it was a place and time of deep emotional darkness for me, it was also a place of transformation.

There were hidden riches that God mined in the despair of my brokenness.

Craig Groeschel, pastor of LifeChurch.tv, explored this topic in his post "You Will Be Broken". This discussion enabled me to think of how revolutionary the past two years have truly been for me.

I have come out of this knowing that there is a work God does in our life through brokenness that shapes us in ways that are simply not possible otherwise. It matures us and deepens us.

Now I truly believe that brokenness is necessary for deepening spiritual formation. I don't believe God makes bad things happen, but I do believe He uses them and allows things to occur in our lives that might draw us closer to Him. Did God cause my friend to take her life? Of course not. Did God cause many of the difficulties we've faced at church? No. Man alone creates enough issues. But has He used it? Yes He has.

Undoubtably.

So, have you been broken?  How did you know you were truly broken?

Have you gotten to the place that you can thank God for that time of brokenness?

Comments

[Jenni Catron]

Jan, it was so great to spend some more time with you today. Your heart is a beautiful reflection of the love and passion you have for God. You inspire me!

[Alison]

I thought about this a lot when Craig did all those posts on this topic a few months ago. Truthfully, I'll have to answer "no". The hard part now comes when they started to talk about the "dangerous prayer" or whatever they called it. That's a hard prayer to pray!

[Jan Owen]

@Alison, yes, it's hard to open yourself up to whatever God might use to shape you. I wouldn't want to go through it again. I guess now I can see the beauty that emerged. I'm not sure I would have had the courage to pray that prayer either......

[A.]

I'm broken now. Tonight, I think I finally broke. I thought I knew the kind of brokeness God calls for, but I think this is another facet, dimension, or the real thing... or something else entirely. I don't know... I could say so much more, but I won't for the time being. You know when only a few words or a sentence can't even be enough to describe it...?

Thank you for this. It gives me hope in the struggle to be truly free in Christ & yet broken for His Kingdom. I think right now I'm broken "personally," & I want to be changed to be seeking His kingdom first. Like what you went through, God's revealing a lot of stuff to me about me. It's ugly & I'm broken because of it. But I've got to trust that He won't leave me here -- & your post gives me that hope as well even in the downpour.

[Jan Owen]

@A.Thanks for sharing. I will continue to post about the riches of brokenness, etc. so I hope you'll continue to read. I'll be praying for you.