A Worshipful Heart

Worship Confessional - When God Takes Over

Today I want to blog my worship confessional in a little different way. Instead of sharing our order of service, I want to share about a special moment in today's services that showed me once again how little control I as a worship leader really have .

I've often said that the most important ingredient of a wonderful time of worship is worshipers with a passionate heart for God - people that come ready to worship make for an incredible time of worship. I've learned through the years - and it's been humbling - that I have no real idea of what makes a moment of worship powerful beyond the simple fact that God chose to move. I'll have people tell me that "worship was powerful today" and I will be no more prepared on that day than on any other day. I will do the same thing - essentially - week in and week out and there are some moments that feel supernaturally powerful and some that feel, well, sort of painfully awkward and flat. I've never really understood why some weeks feel utterly normal and other times we have moments of worship that transcend our abilities, our planning, our skill, our ideas, everything that we might bring to the table.

I had one of those moments today. Following the sermon, Brian led us in the song "Offering" and in the second service particularly this was just a sweet time of worship for me. I don't know what happened but as I sang I just started crying. This has been - in the past - a sign that God is moving, although I don't always understand what is up. As we sang, people began to stand to their feet and worship. There was a holy hush and it was obvious that the Spirit was moving among us.

We then went into "Revelation Song" - which I led - and there is just something about that song that paints such a vivid and truthful  and BIG picture of God that it draws me to worship so outside myself. I find this song both rewarding to lead and difficult to lead at the same time. Rewarding because it's a privelege to lead others to sing such an awesome song of worship - and to get a front row seat to see them connect to God while doing so. Difficult because I honestly just want to kneel, or lay on my face when I'm singing it and - let's face it - it's hard to lead worship from the floor. So today I had this feeling of intense holiness as we sang, so overwhelming that I felt compelled to take off my shoes while we sang it. I thought of God's word to Moses as He appeared in the burning bush, "Take off your shoes, for you are standing on holy ground." So I very ungracefully kicked my shoes off and continued to lead, although I would have honestly preferred to have crept off the stage and laid down on my face in a corner somewhere.

We then moved into "Bless His Name" (Vineyard) which starts out very slowly and worshipfully and then it really kicks it into high gear. I love the chorus: "Come let us sing for joy, let us shout aloud to our King. Come, let us worship God, lifting holy hands, bless His name." I could see our crowd really trying to "sing for joy" - there was some dancing and movement and people's voices really rang out on this one. I was reminded as we sang these two songs back to back that worship in heaven will be all these things: reverent, joyful, and LOUD and UNDIGINIFIED and perhaps most importantly, our worship will - at that moment - be UNSELFCONSCIOUS. Worship will no longer be about us at all, it will only be about our unadulterated response to being in the perfect presence of God Almighty. We will no longer care if we stand up for a long time, or if we fall out on our faces before God, or if we dance and leap joyfully!

Today I got a taste of that. I don't know if others felt it or not but I just felt like I couldn't respond in a big enough way to God. I couldn't dance good enough or jump high enough or sing loud enough - I wanted to worship God with all of who I am but felt constrained by my very human body. There were moments that probably were not a very pretty sight, movements that were not graceful or beautiful to anyone but God as I longed with all that I am to shout and sing "yea God!".

Have you ever had moments like that? Moments where your desire to worship was just so overwhelming that you no longer cared how crazy you looked or sounded?

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but here's my description of today's worship when we sang "Bless His Name" in the second service: It made me want to kick my heels off and dance. (and I did!) It made me want to dance and jump! It was worship that required a sports bra! There was no sitting still, no observing, it was a full out participatory event. ( a note to all male worship leading friends: be thankful that supportive undergarments are not on your list of concerns as you lead worship!)

So, how was your Sunday? Share how God spoke to you!

This post is a part of "Sunday Setlist" over at FredMcKinnon.Com. Go see what other churches did this Sunday in worship!

What I Learned From Biking....

Recently our family got new bikes. To be honest, it's been years since I've done any serious biking. Sure, I've rented a bike or rode around with the kids, but the past few weeks we've been biking 10 miles several days a week. We're training to do a two day biking trip in the fall. When I was just biking with the kids, or tooling around on a rented bike, I never really learned how to use the gears. Now that we're biking for miles at a time and going up and down hills, I've learned the beauty of gears. The other day, when I was flying down a hill and shifting into a higher gear to take advantage of the momentum, Phil looked at me and said something profound: "You know, we could probably learn alot about how to live life from riding these bikes!".

So I've been thinking about that as I have geared up and down, climbing hills and breezing down inclines. I've thought about how easy the first mile feels and how difficul the last 1/4 mile can be. Here's what I've learned from biking:

 - Don't push to hard at the beginning if you want to finish well. In other words, pace yourself.

 - Take advantage of the downhill momentum to prepare for the next uphill climb.

 - Sometimes the moment it really burns and you're tempted to stop is the moment when it levels out and eases up a bit.

 - The hill you can handle when you're fresh and life is good will seem impossible when you are tired and exhausted. The hill hasn't changed, but your ability to climb it has - your reserves are depleted.

 - Therefore there are moments when the best thing you can do is get off the bike and walk a bit or sit down and rest and get a drink. There is no shame in this. Sometimes a little rest is all it takes to finish strongly.

 - If the terrain was the same all the time and all the roads of life were paved and flat it would indeed be easier, but it would also be more boring. Without the strain of climbing the hills we'd never know the thrill of flying down the other side.

  - Momentum makes all obstacles seem easier to overcome than they really are. Climbing uphill makes each obstacle seem harder to overcome than it really is.

 - The more I bike, the more I am able to bike. Endurance is built up over time and takes discipline. The ability to stick with it for the long haul is borne out of experience and being in shape. If I'm not healthy and strong, I won't be able to go the distance. If I don't learn from my experiences, I will make mistakes that disqualify me. If I don't stop and rest when needed, I will not be able to finish the course at all.

 - If you get distracted and take your eyes off the trail you could have a wreck. And your wreck could hurt others and not just yourself.

 - It's always more fun to bike with a friend. And their company is sometimes what motivates you to keep pushing on.

Bet you didn't know there was so much to be learned from riding a bike!

What steps are you taking to be able to "finish well"?

Hallelujah, God is Near

Last Thursday night we held Daniel's High School Graduation Ceremony and Celebration at Monte Sano Lodge and had a great time with family and friends. I was particularly moved to hear our parent's prayers for Daniel, to hear Josh (Daniel's Student Pastor) share, and to hear what Daniel had to say himself on his feelings about this new chapter of his life. It was all so touching and was a moment that I will long remember as a night that made all of the heartaches, sleepless nights, questions, and uncertainty of parenthood worth it. Phil and I both had an opportunity to share special challenges with Daniel as well and then I shared a song that I had written especially for my children. All in all, it was a wonderful evening of celebration with family and friends.

 

 

Isn't this a beautiful setting for any ceremony? To all the family and friends who joined us for this evening - thank you so much for sharing this moment with us.

I did really well - no real tears at all during the ceremony. But on the way home I cried as I listened to "Hallelujah, God is Near" and realized that these words so perfectly communicated how I felt about this evening. In the faces of those we love and hold dear, in the words of those who care about Daniel and our family, in the laughter of family and friends, in the sweetness of the memories held in the community of family and those who now feel like family, in the hands of those who pitched in to help, in the remembrances of the goodness of God, the best thing I can say is this:

"Hallelujah, God is near....."

And I am thankful.

When have you felt the presence of God in your life lately?

We're So Proud of You Daniel!

 

This is my son Daniel. He is my youngest child, and he is such a great joy in my life.

Today we'll be celebrating Daniel's graduation from high school.

 

Eighteen years ago Daniel entered our lives as a sweet cuddly baby. It seems like only yesterday.

Time really does fly......

Congratulations Daniel!

What's Your Challenge?

For some reason this has been a challenging time of my life. Not in a horrible way, just in the sense that I feel like I have things coming at me from all sides - work, home, and just personally. I feel the need to stay in constant prayer, which is a good thing. I feel like my future is so hugely unknown (I've never been an adult without children at home!) and this is causing some deep reevaluation for both Phil and I. It seems I'm entering a new phase of my life in many ways.

My challenge at this time has been one of focus. Even though life seems to be coming at me at light speed, I've been trying to stay focused on the things I know God is directing me to do. Even when it's been difficult I'm trying to carve out the time to really pay attention to the work of God in my life and to obey.

Slowing down in the midst of the wildness of real life, listening intently to the voice of the Spirit, and then taking deliberate steps, one small one at a time, to obey - and not to get distracted from doing so.

That is my challenge.  What's yours?

What Can We Learn? or "You Must Be a Liberal Part 2"

Last week I posted about an experience I had on an airplane last year with a gentleman who exclaimed, "I think you must be a liberal because you are nice!" Read the story for yourself.

After this post I had tons of conversations with people about what this might mean. For the most part Christians tended to believe we are simply painted in a negative light by the liberal media. While I have certainly seen this slant on the news, I think we need to be careful not to just skip right over this experience and this gentleman's comments with this excuse. I think we have more to learn than that.

A couple of readers expressed something that was simmering in my own heart, something I hate with all my heart to admit. Like my seatmate on this airplane, I too have seen the judgmental and angry face of the church - and my family has been severely wounded by it in ways that continue to affect us and break our hearts. His comments stung because I believe there was a kernel of truth in it that we need to really pay attention to.

Dan Kimball wrote a book a few years back called "They Love Jesus But They Hate the Church". I saw Dan share about his book at the Arts Conference at Willowcreek in 2007. I'll never forget the real video footage they showed where they asked random people what they thought about Jesus and what they thought about the church. Their opinions of Jesus were surprisingly positive. Most admitted to praying, to believing that Jesus loved them, or at least was a loving man. While they may not have held 100% true beliefs about Jesus Christ, there was no denying that their perception of Christ was a positive one.

What was sad was what they thought about the church. When asked about Christians, they used these words: "sexist, hatemongers, hypocrites, mean, judgmental, unforgiving, etc." It was SHOCKING. And while I'll agree that we don't get the best press, I think it would do us - and the world around us - a world of good to look within our hearts to see if maybe some of that bad press is well deserved. It seems obvious to many around us that our actions and words might not always reflect the love of the Savior we say we follow.

I'm going to be really honest here. Much of this "disconnect" shines most brightly in our own relationships with one another. Who hasn't been hurt at church?? Which of us has not been guilty of being the wounder?? Sometimes relationships with one another seem like the hardest, most challenging place of all to live out the good news of Jesus Christ. Yet Jesus himself pointed out that our love for one another would prove to the world that we are HIS disciples. (John 13:35) It is our love for one another - how we treat one another, both those we know and those we don't - that will proclaim the GOOD NEWS loudly. And you know what? I have experienced THIS truth more often than the pain. I love the church. I am committed to serving the church. I believe in the church.

But as I watched these people being interviewed I was saddened beyond words. I saw in their faces and heard in their words a desperate plea: "Show us Jesus in how you live. Show us Jesus' love. Show us Jesus cares about us. Show us that this Jesus is REAL. Show us grace."

So I urge you to search your heart tonight to see if any of these accusations might be just a little bit true....and if so, I urge you to learn from them, to pray about it, to ask forgiveness when necessary, and then to walk in love.

This is not about liberal vs. conservative. This is about us caring enough that someone was wounded that we're willing to take a long hard look inside and to go out in the world a more compassionate person as a result. May we have the courage to stop defending for a moment and instead to learn and grow in love and grace.

Worship Confessional: The Comfortable Monster

We completed our series on "Monsters: What's in Your Closet?" today at The Brook. This week Brian preached on the Comfortable Monster. The text was from Haggai. Here is the main thought that struck me hard today:

 - Sometimes we have to let go of what is comfortable in order to take hold of the new thing God has for us.

 - Our first prayer must be that God will do a new work within our own heart!

This message hit me hard for a number of personal reasons. I have much to think and pray about now!

Here's what we did in worship -

1. Majestic

2. Indescribable

3. I Stand Amazed

Welcome and Time of Fellowship

Graduates Recognition - Our student pastor, Josh interviewed our graduates.My son Daniel was recognized in the first service and it was a bit of a tearful moment for me!

Sermon - Brian used a video on comfort during his sermon that was really good!

4. Hosanna

5. Sing to the King

I thought worship went pretty well today. The first service was a bit quiet, which is not unusual but the second service was a bit more lively! We had a couple of small musical errors, and I flubbed the ending of "Hosanna" in one service. I hate it when I make mental errors! But overall, I thought things went well.

I was particularly struck - in light of the sermon - by the line in "Hosanna" that says "Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause, as I walk from earth into eternity..."

So how was your day?

**This post is a part of Sunday Setlists over at FredMcKinnon.Com! Check it out!**

Sometimes We Need to Be Touched

The last few weeks have been tough for me. I've battled anxiety and experienced a little bit (okay alot of) grief over the thought of Daniel graduating from high school. I've faced some problems that were both unexpected and unwelcome. I've failed. I've stumbled. I've made people angry. I've disappointed people. All without meaning to and in spite of praying! I feel a bit overwhelmed by all that's in front of me: Daniel's private graduation and dinner party next Thursday, wanting to celebrate our 25th Anniversary in a meaningful way and having no idea what to do for Phil, adapting to changes and new expectations at work, and then getting everything ready at home and at work to go on a mission trip for 10 days!!!! All of these events will happen in the next three weeks and tonight it just suddenly felt like too much for me.

So tonight I did something I very rarely do. I asked my team to pray for me. When they just said "okay" I said "NO! I mean pray for me right now! Lay your hands on me and pray! Pray I will control my mouth, have great wisdom and discernment, be able to enjoy my time with Daniel, pull everything together for all the upcoming events, and respond with love. Pray that I will not pull my hair out or anyone elses for that matter!"

And they did. They gathered around me and put their hands on me and each one of them prayed. I know it might sound nuts but I could actually feel the power of God flow through their hands as they literally laid hands on me and lifted me to God in prayer. I felt comforted, more at peace, less jittery and overwhelmed.

Most of all I felt loved.

Sometimes we just need someone to care. We need to be touched.

And sometimes we're going to have to take a risk and open up and ask for this help to get it.

No more masks. No more denial. No more pretending.

This is church.

You Must Be A Liberal

About a year ago I flew across the world to see my friend Lana, who was living in Germany. On my return flight to the U.S. I was seated next to a man who was a doctor. It was a nine hour flight and he talked to me almost the entire way home. I didn't sleep one minute of the flight! As you might imagine, this irritated me a bit. I was exhausted and wanted to read or doze off but he literally talked to me the entire time.

It all started when he asked me what I do for a living and I shared that I am a minister. After he got over his extreme astonishment that I am a woman serving as a worship pastor in a Southern  Baptist church, he asked me if I was actually ordained. I replied that I was and his astonishment increased. I get this reaction alot in other parts of the country, which is always a bit awkward for me but it allows me to share a bit about my calling and the story of my life. In spite of my exhaustion, I viewed this as a divine opportunity and began to share with him about my relationship with Christ and how I had come to enter the ministry. He asked lots of questions about my duties as a worship pastor and seemed really curious about what it was like to be a woman in ministry. I enjoyed sharing what I love about my job and the real challenges I face as well.

After he got really comfortable with me he shared that he had been raised Catholic and had been extremely hurt in the church and now was a Universalist. He asked me what I believed about that and I shared the truth that Jesus Christ is the only way. I asked him why he believed all roads could lead to an eternal heaven and we had a very good conversation about this - his seeking was so obvious. This led us to discuss many, many other things we held opposing views on including abortion, homosexuality, divorce, the expression of human sexuality and so on. I felt like I prayed for nine straight hours as I answered question after question and tried to be loving, yet firm, as I did so. I never wavered in my answers, but I did take the time to ask him questions as well. It was one of the most challenging conversations I've ever had. And through it all, I tried to point consistently to Christ.

As we approached landing he looked at me and said "It's been nice talking to you. Thank you for listening and answering questions. But you know what?After hearing you talk I think you must be a liberal."

I was shocked. I searched my memory for ANY stance I had taken that would have indicated that I am liberal in my theology and could think of nothing. While I certainly hold a more moderate social view and am very out of the box in my philosophy of ministry, I don't in any way consider myself a liberal.

So finally I just looked at him and said "I consider myself to be hold conservative views and positions. I'm confused. Why would you say that?" 

And he said something that has haunted me ever since. Here's what he said.

"Because you're nice".

What do you think about that?

Unbelievable Opportunity for Women in Ministry!

I am so excited! I just signed up for something I am simply thrilled about. Beginning in August I will be a participant in EXCHANGE 2009, a mentoring group for women in leadership. We'll meet one day a month for four months and get the opportunity to learn in a small group from some phenomenal female leaders - Nancy Beach, Anne Jackson, Sheryl Fleischer, and DuAnne Seeley. One of the most amazing things for me is that this will be held here in Huntsville!

I'm looking forward to learning in this environment from some women that I greatly admire and respect.  Most of these women have already spoken into my life in deep ways. What a joy to spend this amount of time with them!

Here's what DuAnne has to say about it:

Exchange 2009 is a leadership coaching network exclusively for women.  Revitalize your spirit and empower your leadership as we meet 1 day a month Aug. - Nov. 2009.

If you’re a gifted and called woman in Christian leadership, join others like yourself for a coaching network.  Walk away with a renewed energy, focus and passion after spending concentrated time with 4 national leadership mentors. Connect with other women of like heart and purpose.  Choose intentional growth with a personal plan designed for you. 

Limited attendance of 20.

Women of Influence is excited to announce our mentor list for Exchange 2009…NANCY BEACH, SHERYL FLEISHER, ANNE JACKSON and DUANNE SEELEY. 

NANCY BEACH  is executive vice-president of the Arts  for the Willow Creek Association and a teaching pastor of Willow Creek Community Church.  A champion for the arts and artists in the church, she is author of An Hour on Sunday:  Creating Moments of Transformation and Wonder and Gifted to Lead:  The Art of Leading As a Woman in the Church. 

SHERYL FLEISHER is one of the most dynamic and passionate mentors I know.  Currently she is a church consultant, leadership mentor and speaker.  Formally she served on staff at Willow Creek Community Church.  Prior to Willow she was personally mentored by Dr. John Maxwell while serving on his pastoral staff for 12 years.  

ANNE JACKSON is an author, speaker, and transformational activist who lives in the Nashville area with her husband, Chris. Her highly-anticipated book, Mad Church Disease - Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic (Zondervan) released in February 2009. Her next book is due to be out in Fall 2010. She is a contributor to the Christianity Today Blog her.meneutics and Deadly Viper Character Assassins, as well as an occasional writer for Outreach Magazine, Catalyst Groupzine, and a variety of other ink and paper (as well as digital) publications.  Currently Anne serves on staff at Cross Point Church in Nashville.

 

DUANNE SEELEY is the founding president of Women of Influence and formally served on the pastoral staff at Skyline Church in San Diego under Dr. John Maxwell, The Navigators at UCSD and Briarwood Church in Birmingham, AL under Dr. Frank Barker. Currently she is a founding partner of LEAD, a resource ministry to church pastors. 

For an application to Exchange 2009 email dseeley@winfluence.org.

If you are a woman in ministry or if you know a woman who would benefit from this please, please pass the word! It might be the opportunity you've been waiting for!