A Worshipful Heart

Words of Life

I was cleaning off bookshelves tonight and I ran across an album that my friend Linda Jones compiled for me in 2003 - when I celebrated 5 years as worship pastor at The Brook. It's a treasured possession because it holds letters from many different friends at The Brook sharing their hearts and appreciation for me. It's the book I've pulled out time and time again when ministry got really tough and I was tempted to throw in the towel. The words that these friends wrote helped me to remember why I serve and the importance in doing so. Many times, they spoke of gifts they saw in me that I did not see in myself. They not only appreciated me but they believed in God's gifting of me. Their words were a treasure.

And it impacted me in a profound way. Not only did I feel encouragement (which means "to give courage") but these friends helped me see myself as God sees me - with gifts and potential that perhaps I had not fully tapped into. You see, I came to The Brook a very scarred and scared woman. I didn't want to be there. I had just had a seriously difficult church experience as a worship leader and really wasn't keen to try again. I was afraid and probably a little emotionally distant. Over the years, the gentle encouragement of my pastor, my team members and the congregation helped heal the wounds I carried. Words of love and thanks gave me the courage to try new things, to grow as a leader, and to step out in confidence into my calling - and to minister with boldness.

My friends at The Brook are not the first ones to give me the gift of encouragement and hopefully they will not be the last. Over the years many people have said "Wow! That was great!" or "You can do it!". From my parents and family to teachers and coaches to my husband, there have been many voices that have spoken words of life to me. Even my children came into this world thinking I was wonderful. But over the years, as we do life with someone for years and years we are bound to let one another down, to disappoint, and to begin to see the negative instead of the positive. Let's face it - in most families we eventually take one another for granted. We get used to one another. We begin to fail to appreciate and to most certainly we are no longer awed! Our words to one another may begin to hold less and less encouragement and life.

I know that this has been true for me. I've failed to say "thank you" as I should. I've not encouraged as often as I once did. I've "gotten used to" those marvelous people around me.

What about you? Has your appreciation for those special people in your life dulled? Have you begun to speak discouragement instead of encouragement? 

Today is a good day to "give courage" to someone God has placed in your life!

Go ahead! Tell the world - Who has given you the gift of encouragement?

A Place to Rest

I posted the other day that we are moving to a new home this fall and I wanted to share a picture of that might help you understand why we made this choice. We're downsizing dramatically, we're going to have lots less space and we're going to have to drive more in our daily commute. I'm going to go from driving 4 minutes to work to having a 35 minute commute. I'm going to have to carefully choose what treasures I get to keep in my home. So why are we doing this?

Well first of all, we're not changing jobs or anything else. We're just changing addresses. 

And this picture might help explain it all. Can't you just feel the peace?

We're thrilled to have found a small little house with a tiny bit of lakefront so that we can get up every morning and see this as our view. I'm going to put an Adirondack chair down here and take my Bible and journal and have a nice, long quiet time. We're looking forward to kayaking and cooking out with friends and just having some more room to breathe and space to enjoy God's creation more each and every day. We're hoping this move will help Phil and I slow down a bit and focus on one another as we enter what is a new - and somewhat scary - phase of our life - the empty nest!

This is a part of our choice to see this next phase of our life as a grand adventure. We're excited about what's around the bend.

**Make sure you pray for us to sell our present house SOON! If you're on facebook with me you can see more pictures there!**

Why I Love Facebook

 

I have alot of people ask me how I have time to be on Facebook and update so much. For the record I generally always update via Twitter, and it takes me just a few minutes a day. I've come to really value the interaction I have with friends and family near and far. I've made new friends and connected with old friends. I have dear prayer warriors that hold me before the Lord that I have never actually met personally and I am able to chat with friends and family that I see very rarely. It gives me a great way to interact with my church family and meet new folks as they come to The Brook. It's been a blessing.

It's changed the way I communicate......

I can't imagine being without facebook now. Without facebook, how would:

 - I know that my daughter needs a new vacuum cleaner? (or a used one if you've got it!)

 - My mom know what I'm doing every day?

 - I get to talk to Sara, Amy, Scott, Stephanie, Susan, and other relatives that I might see only every few years?

 - I know that Dustin's Native American Name is Bent Willow?

 - Or that Alison and Garet are getting a new roof?

 - Or that Tracee is giving up smoking? (how's that going?)

 - See what Josh, Brian, and Alison are really doing when they say they are working?

 - Know for sure that my old classmates now look middle-aged just like me?

 - And see their spouses and kids?

 - I know that Kathy Mackenzie has not mowed her back yard or scooped the doggy poop? 

 - Connect with James Carroll, who is the biggest sweetie on facebook? And that he collects the oddest things I've ever seen? 

 - See all the great new youtube videos?

 - See all the latest news on people's "relationship status"? I've really learned alot from this!

 - I know that John and Irene went to Madison's Concert in the Park tonight? (which I did not even know we had) or that they went to Pike Place Market while in Seattle? 

 - I know what kind of tattoos everyone should get? Or what 80's song they are? Or if they've found their soul mate? Or what their Icelandic Hawaiian Leprachaun name is?

 - I know 25 random things about everyone on fb?

 - Talk to Melodie in Guatemala?

 - Know that my city slicker friends farmed?

 - See Josh's green chin hair?

 - Or talk to Michelle regularly?

 - Or get pieces of flair or a Roll Tide Wave?

Without Facebook, my life would be so much more boring! It allows me the most fascinating peaks into the lives of others and it allows me to communicate in creative and fun ways with friends and keeps me up on major life events and prayer needs. And in a world where saying good-bye seems too common, it allows me to keep up with those who are not a part of my daily life anymore.

Where would I be without Facebook?

How has fb enriched your life? What have you learned?

On the Move

What a huge time in the life of our family! Daniel is going off to school, Maria and Philip are nearing college graduation, Phil and I are feeling a stirring and burden to minister in some fresh ways in other countries, I'm currently working on a book and curriculum for training worship leaders and now......

We're selling our house!

Phil and I grew up out in the country. Lots of trees, a view of the water and SPACE. There's not much of any of that where we live now and we would like a little more of a country environment. It just makes us feel more peaceful. That is our desire - to buy a home or land with a beautiful view and some space to breathe. But as we've prayed about it for the past year or more we've come to see that selling our house is something God also desires for us. We have felt so directed by God to begin to clean out the closets and get ready for this move. I've learned I can never know for sure what God has in store for us, so for now we're just being obedient and seeking His face each step of the way, wanting to say "yes" to God each and every day.

So where are we moving? Well, we're looking at a house about thirty minutes away (near Athens) on the Tennessee River, but we have not made an offer yet so we'll see. We're not sure yet, but for now we're getting the house ready to put on the market. We'd appreciate your prayers - for our sanity as well as for the house to sell quickly and with ease.

The adventures continue!

Worship Fuels Ministry

I just had a new article posted over at The Worship Community, "Worship....The Fuel for Ministry?". I hope you'll take the time to mosey on over there and read it and let me know what you think. If you're a worship leader or on a worship team in any way, this site is a great resource with forums, interesting articles, great discussions and exciting contributors......and then there's me! So read my article, poke around in the forums, and do some searches and take advantage of this great resource, and leave me a comment to let me know your thoughts.

I'm thrilled to be a part of The Worship Community family! I hope you'll join us!

You Leave Me Breathless

I love just sitting with God and remembering His love for me. I made a list last week of the simple joys in life that God has provided for my joy.....and that leave me breathless.:

 - a hug from someone I love

 - sitting by a campfire and eating gooey marshmallows

 - enjoying a brilliant sunset, or a sunrise (although I confess to viewing them much less often)

 - the way the water and sand feel on my feet as I walk on the beach

 - cuddling up on the couch under my Alabama blankie with a new, good book

 - having a day with nothing to do and no time to be anywhere

 - the roar of the ocean or the singing of a mountain brook

 - the smell of an old-fashioned rose

 - the touch of my husband's hand

 - the prayers of a friend

 - the laughter of my children

 - the feel of the sun on my face

 - warm, gooey chocolate cake and ice cream

 - that first big sip of a chick-fil-a Dr. Pepper!

 - the softness of a baby's skin

 - a massage (it's been too long!)

 - eating gulf fried shrimp by the ocean!

 - singing harmony with a friend

 - laying in a hammock with Phil

 - riding with the top down on a beautiful, sunny day

 - discovering a new place!

 - bringing home a stack of new books and piling them up on my nightstand

 - sitting by the river

 - biting into a warm chocolate chip cookie

 - sleeping under the soft, handstitched quilt my great grandmother made me

 - looking at old pictures and reliving memories

 - watching Alabama football!

 - stroking a kitten

 - being understood

 - a clean car

 - a clean house

 - a hot bath with a Mountain Dew, a good book, and a brownie

 - a hot Krispy Kreme doughnut

 - being told "I missed you"

 - having someone believe in me and to believe in my dreams as well!

 - slow dancing with my husband

 - singing with the saints and worshiping God together

Father, you say "I love you" in so many sweet ways. Thank you today for the beauty and simplicity of your love. For these blessings and so many more, I am thankful!

You're next! Let's all answer today and exercise the spiritual discipline of gratefulness and thanksgiving. 

What is a simple joy in life that you can thank God for today!

Resting in God

I always enjoy and am challenged by Eugene Cho's writings. Last week I was particularly struck by his admission that he struggles to really rest. I could so relate.

Learning to rest and to even take a full day off has been one of the hardest and most painful lessons I've ever had to learn. It was a lesson I did not want to learn. 

You see, I am a workaholic. 

In my old days, I'd work on ministry 16 hours a day, go to sleep thinking about it and wake up thinking about it. I struggled to hand tasks off to others and to allow someone else to be in control. I thought that the harder I worked, the better leader I was. I did this until I almost fell apart physically and emotionally and a dear friend had the courage to ask me an important question: 

"Jan, why can't you rest in God's love for you?" 

I was stunned. It so offended me yet to be honest, I am not sure that I understood the question or it's implications. During the next couple of years I learned a few important lessons in learning to rest in God. Given the drivenness and stress levels many of us live with and the push for excellence we all live with in a western society, I'd say that many of us struggle to rest at all - our minds are going all the time, we are surrounded by noise and long work hours are the norm. 

But to rest in God's love for us? That is a deeper question still. There are many things I have learned through this season of life but here is what I shared on Eugene's blog:

"I try to remember that resting is part of worship – it is proclaiming by how I live for a period of time that I am not God! I am the created, not the Creator. I am not in control and the world does not revolve around me. God can handle it!

I’ve also learned that it’s about resting in His love for me – in other words, it’s an issue of trust for me. Do I trust God enough to rest in his love? Can I just put life down for a bit and be with Him and trust that this is sufficient? No need to succeed, achieve, accomplish, just to be."

I had to learn that I did not need to earn God's love for me. 

And here is something else that I've learned. When I rest and take time off and breathe in the beauty of the presence of God and breathe out all that worry and stress, I am changed. When I focus on being with Christ, with resting my mind and my body as well, then I get the chance to focus on "becoming" - a new creature in Christ, more like my Savior, a settled individual displaying the fruit of the Spirit. I take a break from accomplishing and doing and I focus on "being and becoming". This is the truth we can learn from Mary who chose to sit at Jesus' feet. 

I've also learned that God loves to give us joy. I'm not sure all of this believe this. But He is thrilled by my intense joy as I walk a beach and play in the waves, or as I settle in to bed with my husband and enjoy the feeling of his arms around me, or as I laugh out loud with a friend. In learning to appreciate the gifts of God, we begin to enjoy a peaceful rest only God can give us. 

No more performing, no more achieving, no more worrying that the world will fall apart without us, no more proving ourselves.

God loves us anyway. We can rest in Him.

You Don't Have the Cojones for That!

**Be warned. Some of the terms I use in quoting others may offend you. It is not my intention to be offensive but to point out a BETTER WAY to relate to one another in the Body of Christ.**

I've always hated it when people said "You need to man up" or "be a man about it". If this bothers me you can imagine how I've felt when I hear people say "You don't have the cojones for that!" or "That took stones!" or "You need to grow a pair." (I've always wanted to chime in that I have a pair. I always assume they MUST be talking about breasts! If testicles contribute some super character power, surely breasts do as well?)

Sadly, I've noticed this language popping up in spiritual conversations. A pastor will make a bold and courageous (and hopefully spiritual) move and others will say "Wow! That was ballsy!". 

Really? Is this our best praise?

Is courage the jurisdiction of males alone? Should my ultimate goal as a believer and as a Christian be to become more masculine and less feminine? Am I more spiritually courageous if I act in typically male fashion, whatever that may be? Are my feminine qualities detriments and weaknesses? Do they make me lesser than a man? These are all implications of sayings such as these. They are harmful to the women who hear them, although I do not believe that intention is there. 

I endured this language and would just silently cringe to myself until someone happened to use one of these terms within my husband's hearing. His response was immediate and strongly stated: :

"That is totally sexist - it implies that you have to be a man to do anything bold or to have courage. It ignores all of the women who have done courageous things. And it's just plain crude. Besides, you wouldn't say "you don't have the breasts for that" if someone couldn't cook or care for others!"

I'll have to say that I agree with Phil. As a female in leadership, this type of praise is demeaning. It says I can never live up - nor would I want to. It says that courage, excellence, boldness, and vision are all territory in which only males are allowed to dwell. And it implies that being a man is the highest goal.

And here's the kicker. As much as I feel it is demeaning to me, I also feel that it does our men a disservice as well. When we elevate masculinity above the traits of the Holy Spirit and the qualities of Jesus Christ, we've offered an alternate, lower goal for men who believe in Christ. We've - in many ways - valued supposed "manliness" above godliness. 

My goal as a Christian is to fully be who God has made me to be, and to have the fruits of the Holy Spirit evident in my life and to be transformed more and more into the image of Christ. This should also be the goal of all of my brothers in Christ as well. 

The fruits of the Spirit are evident, it says in Galatians: "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law."  None of these character qualities are inherently masculine or feminine, but they are Christ-like. 

And I can't think of a higher compliment than for it to be said I am in any way like my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

Can you?

Feeling Invisible

Do you ever feel like you are overwhelmed by your emotions? 

Well, that's me right now. It feels like my life is between the now and the not yet, and everything is in the midst of a major change. I feel like I'm being pulled, without mercy, along by the tide of life. No matter my opinions on the subject, I have to go with the flow in this part of the river of life.

This feeling is brought about - in large part I'm sure - by Daniel's imminent departure for college. Five weeks. That's all we have left with him here at home. Just writing it makes tears well up in my eyes. And while I am proud of Daniel's accomplishments and know he'll do well at Bama, my heart is breaking just a little bit as I think of him moving off. I actually hurt as I think of this new phase of life Phil and I will be entering. I'm just not ready. I don't know what to expect. I am terribly afraid.

What does our future hold?

Empty Nest. Isn't that supposed to happen to people WAY older than me? I have friends with toddlers, for crying out loud, and here I am with all of my children grown. And while I do NOT miss potty training or getting up a million times a night, I do miss having my children here. I miss our family being all together and having fun. I miss playing basketball in the backyard with Philip or making cookies and them all being eaten in one afternoon. I miss shopping at Toys R Us. I miss going camping. I miss the cuddles and the way my kisses used to solve every problem in the known world. I miss having someone SO EXCITED when I came home. I miss being missed. I miss the simplicity of my children's childhood. 

I miss being needed. 

Not being needed makes me, a woman who has never been an adult without children, feel utterly invisible and worthless. And I hate it. 

Phil and I are earnestly praying over what our life will look like after August 9, 2009. What will God have us do? Where will He have us go? How can we spend more time together? How can we encourage Daniel from afar? What is in store for us as this new season of life, which - in my better moments - I am choosing to see as a Grand Adventure? 

I don't fully know but we ask that you'd pray for us. Pray for Daniel, surely. Pray that he'll stay strong in his faith and be protected by the power of God, and that he'll hear the calling of God clearly as he walks into adulthood.

But take the time to pray for Phil and I as well. Pray that we will hear clearly from God and that our love for one another will only grow deeper and stronger and that we will faithfully say "yes" to God in this new era of life. 

And pray for me. I may need a little hug now and then. So I'll know I'm still needed. 

What's up in your life? What changes are you facing? How do you feel about those?

 

Worship Confessional: An Opportunity for the Ordinary

Today we turned our attention to Acts 3-4, and Brian challenged us to consider a huge question "Am I an ordinary person that God desires to use to do extraordinary things for remarkable purposes?" 

I felt a bit fuzzy going into today's service because I have - amazingly - only led worship one time in the past month. Between the mission trip to Guatemala and then having the flu and taking off a few days to write, I have missed worshiping with my church family. 

Here's what we did:

We continued in our introduction of the song "Today is the Day" by Lincoln Brewster and Paul Baloche to our congregation. My team had done this for the first time last weekend when I was home with the flu and the congregation seems to be picking up on it easily enough. I saw that people were beginning to embrace the words as well as they worshipped. I was glad to see that. 

First Set of Worship:

1. Today is the Day - Brewster and Baloche

2. For All You've Done - Hillsong

3. Sing to the King - Billy James Foote

Welcome and Greeting

Sermon - "An Opportunity for the Ordinary" - Brian Mayfield

Video - Gregory Jones shot a great video of Sue Ann McCoy, our missions coordinator, sharing her story about how God used her to lead many people to Christ on a church mission trip. Powerful testimony!

Special Worship Song - "Center" (Charlie Hall) - Brian led us in this song and it was a beautifully powerful song to use to respond to the sermon. It really touched me deeply and Brian did a great job with it.

We wrapped up the service by singing "My Savior Lives" (NewLife). In looking back on it, I wish we'd used another song to bridge to this one to end on. It was a bit of an abrupt jump from "Center" to this song - too big of an emotional move in my opinion. I felt like we interrupted a sweet time with God to go to a fast song. If I had it to do over again, I'd use a medium tempo, more worshipful song between those two elements. As a worship pastor, I continue to live and learn!

Some points and questions I'll be thinking on this week in light of this sermon are:

 - If I am a follower of Jesus, God has a plan to use me.

 - God desires that we give what we have. This birthed two important questions in my heart: What does this mean to me? What do I have personally to give to others? (and this is one of those questions I feel like others might answer better than I can!)

 - Am I, as an ordinary person, allowing God to use me to do extraordinary things for His remarkable purposes?

 - Am I clearly stating that I live for Jesus Christ?

 - Do people recognize that I have been with Jesus? Can they tell by my life that I have been in the presence of Jesus? Do I exude the life and love of Jesus? Do I "smell like" Christ?

 - Am I underestimating what I have to offer? (a huge temptation for me personally because I often do not feel "qualified")

 - Am I courageous enough to ask God to make me dangerous for the Kingdom of God? This question really reverberated in my heart. I'm still thinking about it and will be for some time.

 - Am I willing to be used radically?

Do any of these questions resonate with you? Which ones? What is your answer?

How was your Sunday?

This post is a part of Sunday Setlists over at FredMcKinnon.Com. Go see what the rest of the world did in worship this morning!