A Worshipful Heart

Embrace the Gift of Limits

There was moment in my life, a moment of utter exhaustion, where I realized I was living as if I had no limits. I know you will laugh out loud, but a big truth I had to face as a minister - and as a human - is that I am limited. Even though I may desperately want to, I realized that I cannot solve every problem or take care of every person and situation. Like a bolt out of the blue, I came to the stunning realization that some things were simply outside of my realm, abilities, knowledge and control. I came to understand that I could not make other’s choices for them nor am I responsible for them. I realized others would make decisions that impacted me and that there was nothing I could do to control that. 

This was a big day for me. A huge realization. A day that turned my life around.

I had tried for so long to put out every fire, to solve every problem, to deal with every situation and take care of every person, to keep it all together that I had exhausted myself emotionally and physically – and I was now paying a huge price for it. 

This realization included my heartfelt admissions that:

 - I have physical limits and needs and I must honor them. My own body and health must become a priority for me.

 - I have emotional limits and needs and I must pay attention to them. I can no longer give and minister without regard for my own emotional needs.

 - I needed to set some boundaries. I could not always be available. The world would keep on going without me. My life was out of balance/perspective in some important ways – I had put work and ministry ahead of my family and my own health. This was a hard admission.

Quite simply put, bottom line: I had to admit that I am the created, not the Creator. 

I needed to humbly admit what we all know: I am not God. I am limited. At first this realization simply frustrated me because I wanted to fix it all. But over time I have come to find that the admission that I am limited is actually quite freeing! I now find my limits to be a gift that remind me of Who is really in charge and Who is really able to do all things. 

And – thank God – that is not me! 

Acknowledging our limits keeps us humble as well as rested – and free from unrealistic self-expectations and those ever prowling feelings of guilt.

How can you embrace the gift of limits in your life? How can you admit - with your lifestyle - that God can run this world without you? What steps do you need to take?

What I'm Thinking as I Visit Your Church

This is part one in a series of weekly posts I'll be doing as Phil and I look for a church. I hope all of you involved in church leadership will take the time to read because I think you can benefit from our insights as we take this awkward journey of figuring out what church God would have us now call home. Having spent the last fifteen years in vocational ministry, we haven't looked for a new church in a LONG time. Undoubtably, my perspective as a church seeker is quite different from the perspective I held as a "church professional", but I continue to view everything through the eyes of a leader. So I hope you'll learn from our insights and experiences as previous church leaders now longing for a home.....

We've only been visiting churches for a couple of weeks now but I already hate it. It's uncomfortable. It's stressful. And perhaps most of all, it's lonely. If you've been in vocational ministry for some time, or if you've called the same church home for many years, you may have forgotten - or never known - what it's like to walk in the doors of a church a total stranger. Many times we, as church leaders, are so in love with our church and have invested so totally in our congregations that we simply cannot understand the perspective of a first time guest.

Each Saturday night I go to bed with a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. Even though I've enjoyed the services we've attended I find it hard to actually concentrate. My guess is many first time guests feel this way. I don't know what's going on and I spend a lot of my time observing. Even though I've led worship for over 20 years I still don't always know all the songs and I wonder if it's okay to express myself in worship. So I'm looking around, watching, waiting. It's harder to worship and almost impossible to relax. I feel like I am an observer instead of a true participant.

I'm wondering if I could possibly fit in here, I'm missing all my friends, and I feel invisible. No matter how many people greet me, I still feel like the invisible woman. Although I am acknowledged, I am not known. And isn't that the most significant part of any church experience? To do this spiritual life in community with others? Without any relationships -or a place of service - I feel useless, and my attendance feels a bit pointless. It's the oddest feeling to realize that my attendance to church matters to no one else but Phil and God. No one else cares if I'm there because they do not know me or need me. This is a strange - and sad - realization. 

If I've learned anything at all about church in the past few weeks it is this: sermons are great, worship is uplifting, but the real point of church is spiritual community - to learn, and to worship, yes, but to do so together with those we love. 

The truth that the greatest needs of any human are "to know and be known, to love and be loved, to celebrate and be celebrated" has never been clearer to me than at this time in my life when I feel the lack of a church home so deeply. I go to church on Sundays and I am NOT known, I am NOT truly loved and of course I am NOT celebrated. Nor can I really do these things for anyone else. I'm attending but I stand apart from the crowd, feeling very much like the outsider I am. I feel like I've dropped off the ends of the earth into an alternate universe. It's uncomfortable, awkward, and - many moments - very sad. And while there are sweet moments of worship, some laughter, and even truths learned, there is just something missing. It doesn't feel like home.

So pastors, fellow worship leaders, and anyone else who leads on Sunday mornings, be patient with us who are visiting your church fellowships each weekend. Forgive us if we don't sing or clap, or even if we don't look particularly joyful. We probably feel lost! We're still trying to figure it all out and we may be going through a major life transition - we may have just moved, or have experienced a deep grief, or be seeking God for the first time. We're nervous so please show us some grace! And don't be offended, it's not personal or a judgment on you or your church, it's just us. 

We're longing for home.....

How You Can Get Involved with the Give Worship Project.

Friends and Family,                   

God undoubtably moves in interesting ways! The last time I sent out an update I was employed at The Brook and had started the Give Worship Project as an additional ministry, something I planned to do in conjunction with my role as Worship Pastor. But God had bigger plans! For some time now I’ve felt God calling me to “go” and to work with church leaders around the world, particularly in the area of worship. As I led worship each week I became more and more uncomfortable. I wasn’t content. I knew God was calling me to more. 

This fall God made it clear that He was calling me away from The Brook to minister to the church worldwide. It was time to say good-bye to a job I loved - and felt comfortable in - in order to take a step of faith into the unknown. And so the next phase of the adventure begins!

Recently, I took my first trip to train leaders to the Dominican Republic. If you get my newsletter or if you've been reading my blog, you’ll get a glimpse of what I did there and how God moved. Now I have two more tremendous opportunities to travel to help equip pastors and church leaders, particularly in the area of worship. India and Rwanda will be the next stops for the GWP! There is a great move of the Spirit going on in both these lands and many are hungry to know Christ. 

I hope you will become involved with me! I need your help and support!

There are several ways to be involved:

1. Become a member of my prayer team. Just email me at janowen@knology.net to let me know if you’d like weekly or monthly updates.
2. Invite me to your church! I love to teach on worship and to share about my trips. I’d be happy to come share with your congregation or worship team or other group. I can teach on worship, or lead worship for a special event. I only ask that a love offering be received for the Give Worship Project to help fund the training workshops.
3. Give a financial gift. I rejoice that God has provided the money for my trip to India, but I still need $3500 to go to Rwanda. In particular, I need $2200 no later than December 12th. You can read the details about HOW TO GIVE directly below.
4. Come attend a Night of Worship on Thursday, December 3rd at 7:00 pm. We’ll be holding it at Northstar Church at 7425 Hway 72W here in Madison. You can hear all the great stories about my trip to the DR and I want to share some exciting details about my upcoming trips to India and Rwanda. And of course, we’ll have a time of worship together!

Your partnership and support mean so much to me. God is using each one of us to advance His Kingdom and to proclaim His glory. Thank you so much! 

How you can give!

I need your help! I can’t possibly do this without the support of friends and family. As God leads, would you consider giving a financial gift to help church leaders around the world?

You can give a financial gift one of two ways. All of your gifts are tax deductible. At this time, all gifts received go towards the training trips, resources for leaders, or help for the churches I am working with. 

Two Ways to Give:

1. You can send a check made out to: The Brook to  Jan Owen, 106 O'Riley Court, Madison, Alabama 35758. The Brook is helping us through Dec. 31st, 2009.

OR

1. You can give online to e3 Partners, the mission organization I am going to Rwanda with. Follow these steps and the money will go straight to my account:

• www.e3partners.org
• Click on “make a donation”. 
• Fill out personal information and mark that you’d like to “support a friend going on an e3 trip”.
• My trip code is: RW10A
• My name is entered as Linda Jan Owen.                             

Thank you so much! I thank God for your generosity. Because of your faithfulness, many are helped!

Welcome to My Home

John went ahead of me, skipping nimbly over the submerged tires, the floating trash, and knowing just which rickety pieces of wood would hold his weight. He turned around and held out his hand. 

Now it was my turn. I looked around me. Pigs were wading in the stream, garbage piled up and lazily drited by. People were watching me. And I was afraid. Not afraid of water mind you. But afraid of falling in this particular water. It stunk. It was putrid. As I looked down at it, a stench rose and made my eyes water. I looked at the "bridge", a rackety arrangement of old boards, half-submerged tires, and rocks I'd need to hop, skip and jump across to reach the community on the other side of the river. 

It was nasty. Easily the worst neighborhood I'd ever been in. From what I understand, it's controlled by drug gangs and is considered a pretty dangerous place. I was completely surrounded every step I took so I'd be safe. Garbage spilled down hillsides, smells of raw sewage filled the air. No one has clean - or even running - water. There is certainly no indoor plumbing. People cook over open fires in the middle of their tiny homes. Children play in the middle of garbage, barefooted and with runny noses. 

After we crossed the "bridge" we stopped into say hello to an old woman cooking her lunch over an open fire in the middle of her living quarters. A little boy ran up to me and smiled really big, wanting his photo taken. We talked a bit  - me in my broken Spanish and he chattering back at me ninety to nothing, apparently unaware I could understand hardly anything he said. But we played together for several minutes and he grabbed my hand and pulled me to meet his Poppi. 

His Poppi was a dignified older man, apparently happy to meet an American woman. We asked him if he knew Jesus and he shared that Christ was his "strength and hope". He asked me where I was from and how I happened to be in the DR. As we shared a bit about my trip, he told me how happy he was that I was visiting. 

Then he stepped back, spread his arms wide, and said something I will never forget. 

He said....

"Welcome to my home."

Taking it Easy

The last couple of weeks have been full. To say the least. Cleaning out my office. My first training trip. My last Sunday at The Brook. Saying so many tearful good-byes. My Dad's surgery for cancer. A wedding. A bad cold. These weeks have been full of emotion and a bit physically tiring as well. It's felt a bit like falling off a hundred foot cliff. Overwhelming is the word I'd use. Tears are always close to the surface, a sure sign that my reserves are very low. 

So I'm taking a bit of a break right now. I'm sitting around in my sweatpants and old ratty Alabama sweatshirt, watching movies and eating ice cream. I'm sleeping in and going to bed early. I'm taking hot baths and reading a good book. I'm skipping the makeup and I don't care. To be honest I've not accomplished much of anything the last couple of days. I just feel exhausted and I don't really have the desire yet to write, or to work on curriculum again, or to start raising my support for the Give Worship Project, Inc. I'm just tired, from the inside out, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. I'm depleted. 

The adrenaline rush is over, and I'm left sitting here trying to recover. I know the day will come that I once again feel normal, but that day is not today. It may not be tomorrow. It might not even be next week. But it will come. For today life feels unreal and very alien. I'm not sure how to operate in this new phase of life.

So for now, I will rest. My body. My mind. Even my emotions. I'll take some time to take it easy. To watch a funny movie, to take a nap, to take a slow walk, to read a book, and to not think too awfully hard.

And slowly, over time, maybe I will feel like myself again. And I can adapt to this new reality that is now my life. And I can walk forward into all God has for me.

Change is hard. I can only put my hand in God's hand and trust Him as we walk together one step at a time.

Give Worship Project Goes Global!

The Give Worship Project in the Dominican Republic from Jan Owen on Vimeo.

I made this movie to show at church this past weekend. It shows the highlights of my trip to the DR. I hope you'll take a few minutes to watch and get a glimpse of my first trip to train church leaders. For more details on future training trips, visit the Give Worship website. 

Thank You

These past two weeks have been filled with many challenges. Almost everything around me was unfamiliar - the landscape, the culture, the language. I was trying some things for the first time. They had never provided any training on worship before. We weren't sure what to expect or how things would turn out. Or even if anyone would come!

In short, although I knew I was answering a call of God, I was scared stiff, wondering if I had resigned my job for nothing. My anxiety was very high on the flight to the Dominican. 

But you, my dear friends, kept me in your prayers! And you kept letting me know you were praying! And that helped me out so much.

So thank you for praying. And thank you for all the communication along the way. Every day you were on my heart as I texted my status updates to Twitter and Facebook. Every experience made me think of you and wish I could share it with you. I felt like I carried you with me! 

Your prayers were a gift. And God answered us! I did not get sick in the DR, I was kept safe, the pastors and leaders all seemed to learn and be excited, and they had safe travel. God went before us where ever we went. I felt His constant presence and I thank Him for all the answers to our prayers. 

Here's a passage of scripture that I've been hanging out in lately. 

"I will keep on hoping for you to help me; I will praise you more and more. I will tell everyone about your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim your saving power, for I am overwhelmed by how much you have done for me. I will praise your mighty deeds, O Sovereign Lord. I will tell everyone that you alone are just and good." - Psalm 71:14-16

So thank you and thank God! I appreciate your support and friendship so much.

Taking It to the Streets...

God touched my heart so deeply this week through this sweet group of men. We are an odd combination - I am a white woman, they are black men. We come from such different worlds - Haiti is, after all, a 5th world country while I live in comfort in an American city. They speak Creole as their first language while I speak English. I've enjoyed many years of education while some of them struggle to write their names and laboriously worked at taking notes.While I have never truly wanted for anything, they face great physical need daily. And while I was driven to DaJabon to our meeting in a nice van, many of them walked for hours, rode in the back of a pick up truck, or came on the back of a motorcycle and crossed the border from their country. And they are senior pastors, where as I've never held that particular role. You might look at us and think we could not be more different. What could we share together that would strengthen and encourage one another? What could we talk about? What in the world could I teach them that they could use in their setting, which is so different from mine?

I don't know what they will take home with them knowledge-wise, but I hope and pray that they will go home encouraged and filled with hope. I hope they will go home knowing someone cares. I hope they have a few tools to try in their church that will help their congregations grow and flourish.

One of the best moments in the workshop with them was when I asked them to tell me what instruments they had in their church. Jonas shared, "A homemade guira. I used a nail and punched the holes in it myself." A couple had a keyboard. One had a flute and a guira.One had a drum. Others had nothing at all. And so I asked them if they had people with good voices and they resoundingly chorused "YES!".

So I said "You have at least two instruments - your voices and your hands. With just this, you can start and grow a worship ministry team." I shared with them how I started with nothing but me at the first church I led in, and how we did not have but one instrument at The Brook when we began. I shared with them that they had more than I had because I was leading white people and "we don't really know how to clap" - and they thought that was very, very funny! I told them - "with a little organization, and taking time to prepare and rehearse, you can have a wonderful worship ministry with what you already have."

You should have seen their eyes light up. This excited them. It gave them hope. As we talked about how to choose songs and put a set together their eyes lit up. They were thrilled to have some new things to try.

In the end I assured them that worship ministry is really all about the heart.....

We ended our time together with a walk to the park in DaJabon for a time of singing. They worked very hard on making a list of songs to do for me. They thought of creative ways to do old songs. While I had envisioned something simple, they took this singing in the park thing quite seriously!

And so they sang.....and I was so touched. Their joy was obvious and infectious.

I don't know what they learned from me but I learned alot from them. And they have made a request of me, and of you, their brothers and sisters in Christ in America. As they held my hand and wished me God's blessings they asked: "Don't forget the church in Haiti. So I ask you to pray for your brothers and sisters in Christ in the country of Haiti.

And now, let me introduce you to my friends from Haiti...Lucceema, Jackson, Hitler, Anul, Icene, Jonas, Lucner, Romano and the rest. Although you won't be able to see them - we were in the dark - you'll be able to hear them. Occasionally you'll see them when a camera flashed! Enjoy meeting my new friends.

Haitian Pastors Singing in the Park from Jan Owen on Vimeo.

Hallelujah! from Jan Owen on Vimeo.

Good Bye from Haitian Friends from Jan Owen on Vimeo.

In the Border Town of Da Jabon

Today we hit the road again. John, one of the G.O. Missionaries and I pulled out of the neighborhood with old suitcases filled with supplies. We stopped and picked up Romano (far right above) who would be serving as my translator, and away we went on the road to DaJabon. After a long, dusty and hot ride across some bumpy roasd past rice fields, we arrived in DaJabon in time for market day. DaJabon is a Dominican town on the border of Haiti. Many Haitians cross the border to trade on certain days so the town was full of people hawking their wares - most used, but some new. I learne new Creole phrase quickly: "Non, Merci." (No thanks!)

 G.O. Ministries works with several Haitian pastors and churches in Haiti and the pastors of these churches traveled to DaJabon to attend this training. They traveled 5-7 hours each. I was humbled to spend this time with these pastors. Their desire to learn, their questions, their discussions all humbled my heart. I look forward to tomorrow when we'll dig into more of the word, talking mainly about Biblical Foundations of Worship.

Keep praying! Things are going well but Satan would love to distract us and discourage us. Pray for these pastors and their congregations as well.

Thanking God tonight for many things....

 - new friends

 - being able to share my story and how God has worked in my life

 - YOU, the wonderful prayer warriors and friends who are lifting us up to God.

So for now, Buenas Noches and Dios te Bendiga! (Good Night and God Bless You!)

Worship in the Dominican Republic

I got up this morning, washed and fixed my hair and face and then donned a dress to go to church. I am not sure I remember the last time I did that, but it actually felt good! We piled into the truck and went to a local Haitian church to worship. We entered a room built of concrete blocks, filled with those same scarred wooden benches, adorned with colored strips of cloth hung as banners across the room. The people's dark Haitian faces wore a sheen of perspiration, as mine soon would as well. The men's white shirts shone brightly in contrast with the darkness of their skin. The women were dressed in simple skirts or dresses and many of them wore a covering on their head. It was oddly comical - and touching - to see everything from actual lace caps to handkerchiefs to bathcloths with Japanese writing on it used as head coverings. One lady wore a beautiful sort of lacy mantilla. She looked so beautifiully modest. I decided then and there that if I ever need to cover my head in worship, I want one of those! The air was hot - it is almost always hot here - and still, as they did not enjoy the benefit of either air conditioning or even a decrepit ceiling fan to cool the air.

And so I sat, with sweat running like a river down my back, fanning my face, and watched, and listened, and learned. As the soft, yet indescipherable sound of their Creole language washed over me, I struggled to figure out when to sit, when to stand, and when to say "Amen". At certain points they would all raise their hands and wave them. I don't know for sure what this was about but I timidly lifted one hand and joined them.

There were four kinds of instruments in this church - a set of drums manned by a serious looking fellow, a guira played by another percussionist, their hands, and of course their voices. The worship leader was a passionate man who had the most joyous expression on his face as he led, his arms spread open wide, or his hands beating out a rhythm, his voice raised in exhortation to worship God. Imagine my surprise when I realized that I knew a song they were singing. It was an old hymn that I used to love to sing. I had not sung it in years but today I lifted my voice and sang in English as they sang in Creole, "He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock, that shadows a dry, thirsty land. He hideth my life in the depths of His love, and covers me there with His hand, and covers me there with His hand."

As the service proceeded on, I stood to take communion and was surprised to sing several other familiar songs including "When the Roll is Called Up Yonder" and "Just a Closer Walk With Thee". Except for the color of skin surrounding me and the difference in language, I felt for a moment as if I'd reverted back to my childhood when we sang these same songs so often.

Worship, Haitian Style from Jan Owen on Vimeo.

Since I couldn't understand any of the preaching, I had lots of time to talk to God. In the simpicity of that service I felt a freedom I have not felt in a long time. I felt the rest of God.

As we walked out the door and were wished the blessings of God, I felt a deep joy.

It was a good day.

Watch the video below for a taste of what the worship was like:

**All you worship leaders go check out The Give Worship Project. This is why I'm in the Dominican.**

**This post is a part of Sunday Setlists over at www.fredmckinnon.com**