Hi, my name is Jan Owen. I am a woman following, loving, seeking and worshiping Jesus. These writings are my thoughts as I journey through both the pains and joys of life.
After serving as a worship pastor for 15 years, I am now a worship missionary, serving as the President of the Give Worship Project, Inc., a non-profit 501(c)3 organization to help equip indigenous church leaders, particularly in the area of worship. You can donate by using the DONATE button below. All your gifts are tax-deductible and very appreciated. Thanks!
Check it out! www.giveworship.com
So it's Memorial Day weekend and many of you have a little extra time off. What is everyone doing this weekend to celebrate and kick off summer?
As for us, we may be working on a Habitat for Humanity build, going to the grocery store together (always fun!), sitting in church on Sunday listening to and praying for my friend Andrea as she brings the message at Epic Church, and going out to see our parents on Monday. They live on the lake (both sets) so I've been promised a boat ride by my Daddy. And probably homemade ice cream from my Mom.
Fun times! I'm so glad Phil is coming home today and Daniel will be home tomorrow.
What about you? How do you plan to use your time this weekend?
And while we're at it, what is your favorite thing about summer?
I think my previous post hit home for many people. Let's continue the discussion...
In many Christian circles, I think there is pressure to "move on" and never speak of bad things again as a sign of spiritual maturity. When people share honestly, I have noticed that most Christians seem uncomfortable with listening quietly and supportively without offering an opinion, or a fix, or sharing what the Bible says. (which we usually already know!!!)
What I've found to be most true among Christians is that this leads to publicly denying our feelings, and pretending we are all okay. I don't think to "forget about it" or to "just get over it" are valid options for us if we want to be emotionally, spiritually and relationally healthy people. First of all, I think what many call "getting over it" is really just stuffing it down deep and ignoring a problem. Guess what? When we deny reality, it will just resurface again one day - and with a vengance. Our past is our past. While it does not have to define our future or us as a person, it will always be a part of who we are.
For instance, I have many divorced friends. They cannot be undivorced. You cannot unring a bell. It is now a reality of these friends lives that cannot be ignored. It will impact the totality of who they are forever - for good or for bad. While it is not all of who they are, it is a part of them that cannot be denied. (I did talk to a divorced friend about this and they agreed wholeheartedly - but this is just one example.) William Faulkner said it well, "The past is not dead. In fact, it is not even past." It is ever present with us. We are changed because of it. History lives on in us.
Secondly, I believe that God can use every moment of our lives to mature us, to shape us, to grow us. Even the painful ones, whether they come from our mistakes, or the actions of others, or just the natural course of life here on this earth. When we refuse to look deeply at our pain, we refuse to learn from it. We cut off a way that God helps us to grow in wisdom and grace - through our own experiences of life. There is a famous quote from George Santayana that we've all heard: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
This famous statement has produced many paraphrases and variants: Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Those who do not remember their past are condemned to repeat their mistakes. Those who do not read history are doomed to repeat it. Those who fail to learn from the mistakes of their predecessors are destined to repeat them.
And I sure as heck don't want to repeat the pain, the misery, the heartache. I want to move on a wiser and more compassionate, loving, and whole creation in Christ. If there were mistakes made - by me or others - I don't want to compound those, or repeat them again and again. (Emotionally unhealthy behavior is often a learned pattern repeated throughout life.) And I want to have a deeper and richer understanding in my relationships with others. In other words, I believe God does not waste our pain. I want to be faithful to grow even through the darkest days. Catherine Claire Larson says in the book "As We Forgive", written about forgiveness and reconciliation in the wake of the Rwandan Genocide, "As we come to terms with the past, through grieving, forgiving and reorganizing, we free ourselves to live well in the present." (emphasis mine)
But it doesn't happen by denying we have dark days, or by ignoring painful episodes of life. It doesn't happen by giving the "right answers" even when deep down inside we're still immersed in unanswered questions. It happens by dealing with it all in God's presence, in a healthy manner. It happens as I process it, name unhealthy behaviors for what they are, look honestly at my heart, and even set up healthier boundaries and goals for my life in the future. It happens sometimes more slowly than I'd like, but it happens as I am honest, and not pretending in my relationship with God.
My past is now a part of who I am. It has changed me, and shaped me. Experience has been my teacher. All of these things are a part of my testimony of the work of God in my life. And I don't want to deny that for sure! I believe God even can use that pain - when properly dealt with - to prepare us for ministry to this world around us.
What about you? What painful experience from your past has taught you invaluable lessons for today?
Has anyone ever told you this? If so, have you ever been tempted to shout, "I'm trying!!"? Have you ever lain in bed and wondered, "When can I move on, Lord?". Or even worse, have you lain in bed and wondered, "When will life be normal again?"
If we were truthful, we'd admit that this doesn't happen all at once, no matter what face we might put on publicly. An incident occurred last night that reminded me that healing is indeed a process - and sometimes we don't hold control over the course and speed of the journey. Whether we are journeying through a grievous loss due to death, a broken relationship, an emotional trauma, or a pain visited on us by another, we have to remember just that - that we are on a journey. It takes time. And sometimes, no matter how much we want to simply forget what happened, there are moments when it all rares up and slaps us in the face.
I had one of those moments last night. About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have been relatively symptom free for a while, but while watching the final episode of "24" last night, a scene from the show triggered a flashback. All of sudden I was shaking uncontrollably, crying hysterically, and I could not breathe. I felt like I was immersed - emotionally and physically - in a very painful and traumatic event that happened four years ago. I had no control over it. I could not make it stop. It just happens. And when it does, my past invades my present. I do not invite it in. It just crashes through the door of my life unannounced and uninvited.
I've learned coping methods. I've learned - much like dealing with PMS :) - that it just has to run it's course. I've learned that I might feel bad for a day or two but that it will all pass if I'm patient.
Perhaps you've experienced something similar. You don't have to have PTSD to have your grief or pain from yesterday slam you in the face today. Maybe you've lost your mother and everything about Mother's Day is painful. Maybe you are battling infertility and baby showers remind you of your loss, even though you desperately want to be supportive of others. The list could go on and on. Life is hard and struggling through the pain we encounter is not an easy journey.
I think the advice to "get over it" is incredibly short sighted and shows a startling lack of empathy and compassion. While I do believe that we should always be striving to move forward on the journey, the truth is that we all get bogged down at times. The swamp of bitterness, the sinkhole of despair.....haven't you visited those places before? Our goal is just not to live there - we don't want to set up camp. But all of us have visited them at one time or another. And we've all struggled to get out.
Interestingly enough, after several years of counseling, and reading on the topic, I found out some startling news. According to counselors, in the wake of trauma, one of the most important steps towards healing is to tell our story, again and again. Instead of avoiding the topic or denying any negative emotions, which is our tendency, verbalizing our pain helps us process, and connect the dots, and make sense of it all. Sharing helps us to take that traumatic and painful event out from under the cover of shame, sorrow, guilt and darkness, look at it more honestly, and deal with it authentically. It helps us to bring our pain out into the open and grieve our losses so that our wounds can begin to heal. (via "As We Forgive" by Catherine Claire Larson)
The flip side of that is that in our pain we need to be heard. It's been said that "listening is the greatest form of loving." Because we all have stories of pain to tell, it can be hard to stop and ask and listen to the pain of another. But simply providing a listening ear can be a huge gift to someone in pain. Being listened to helps us to feel that we are not alone. Having someone listen compassionately - without even trying to "fix" - is a great gift on the road to healing. Being heard validates the difficulty of the experience and helps us face our pain and acknowledge the depth of the hurt so that we CAN move forward in life. Many people stay "stuck", not because they are just choosing to dwell on things, but because they have never been able to really deal with what happened in the first place.
What about you? Is there a pain that you have been denying and refusing to deal with? What do you need to face today in order to move on to live well tomorrow?
**I'm reposting this from Catalystspace. I'm privileged to know Pete Wilson and Jenni Catron, have worshiped several times at Cross Point Church in Nashville, and am presently reading Pete's book, "Plan B". Pete's words below on the correlation between crisis and transformation touched me, because I am currently living my Plan B. I'm not where I thought I'd be. And yet I know God is present. As you read about the floods in Nashville, may God speak to the "flood", the unexpected crisis, in your life.**
On Sunday, May 2, 2010, Nashville was hit by the biggest flood in our state's history. We received more rain on that single day than we’ve ever received in the entire month of May in recorded weather history.
It wasn't long until our rivers and streams were leaving their banks and cutting a destructive path through out the entire city. By Sunday evening I started to see images on the television that took my breath away. It was clear hundreds of businesses and thousands of homes would be severely damaged if not destroyed.
The words of the local weatherman, "Folks prepare for what is now the 1,000 year flood," are locked into my memory for a lifetime. As I sat there paralyzed by his words and the images I watched, I felt God whisper to me, "Pete, this is a one in a thousand year opportunity for Cross Point Church and the body of Christ in Nashville to step up and make a difference."
I instantly got on the phone with our executive director, Jenni Catron, and started to plan our response to the biggest crisis our city has had or will probably ever experience in the life of our church. Over the next week more than 1,600 volunteers from Cross Point would ascend on our city in the name of Christ bringing hope, help, grace and love. We would tear out drywall, insulation, carpet and other flooring in an attempt to give homeowners a jump start on flood relief. We would hand out thousands of bottles of water, cases and cases of cleaning supplies, and an endless supply of hugs for hurting people. Random acts of kindness would flow quite naturally over the days to come.
Crisis & Transformation I've always believed there is a direct correlation between crisis and transformation. These two things seem to go hand and hand. I quickly began to see that we not only had an opportunity to serve our community like never before, but we also had an opportunity to model for them how we should respond to shattered dreams.
You know, if you simply looked at the circumstances in Nashville during this crisis I can see how many would come to the conclusion that God had abandoned us. I sat on pins and needles just waiting for the first televangelist who would claim this was God's judgment on our city.
Yet, part of our relief efforts were to help our city begin to understand that God is most powerfully present even when He seems most apparently absent.
In crisis the greatest illusion of all, the illusion of control, begins to unravel. This is a painful process because so often we actually begin to think we can control outcomes in our lives. In crisis we stop trying to control and manipulate what we can’t control and manipulate. We come face to face with the fact that there is a God... and it's not us.
The Nashville flood gave us the perfect opportunity to communicate to our city that while life is uncertain, God is not. While our power is limited, God is limitless. While our hope is fragile, God is hope Himself.
Plan B Our churches and cities are full of people facing Plan B's.
No one ever dreamed they would have cancer at 35. No one ever dreamed they would get fired at 51. No one ever dreamed they would be divorced twice at 42. No one ever dreamed they would end up alone and depressed at 24.
Everyone needs healing.
Jesus himself reminded us in John 16:33 "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Jesus is telling us trouble is coming.
Pain is coming. Heartbreak is coming. Bankruptcy is coming. Disease is coming. Floods are coming.
It's almost as if Jesus is saying, "Here's the 7 day forecast for your life. It's trouble-trouble-trouble-trouble-trouble-trouble-trouble." But then He says, "But take heart." In other words, don't give up on hope. Don't give into despair because no matter what you face in this world, I have over come it.
In the middle of Nashville's Plan B our church had the opportunity to model for our city that we choose to believe God is bigger than this tragedy. We choose to believe that one day faith will win over doubt, light will win over darkness, and all things will one day be redeemed.
The reality is we don't get to choose if and when we have shattered dreams. But we do get to choose how we respond to them. And in that choice lies an amazing amount of hope.
Many years ago, when I was a rookie worship leader, I had the chance to share a dinner table with Don Moen. He's been leading worship and leading worship leaders - around the world - for many, many years. And all those years and all of that experience have given him deep wisdom. I'll never forget what he said when I asked him for one piece of advice for me as a worship leader. He said simply this....
"Fall in love with the man sitting on the back row. Love your congregation deeply."
I've never forgotten that advice. As a worship pastor my job was not to learn the coolest new tune, or to rock the hardest, or to even have the most beautiful voice. My job was to help my congregation engage in worshiping Almighty God. And to help them do that, I had to care about them. I had to know them. I had to love these people deeply. And I had to love God and believe that helping them encounter Him would literally transform their lives.
Let me digress for a moment.
Sometimes we, as leaders, even within the church can fall in love with the wrong thing. We fall in love with our position, our title, we fall in love with being a leader. We fall in love with being called pastor. We fall in love with the power and respect and prestige of being "in charge" of our own little earthly kingdom. We fall in love with success. We fall in love with our own vision and we fall in love with being a leader.We quit worshiping at the altar of God and we begin worshiping at the altar of our own "leadership", "vision" and "creativity".
How do I know this?
Because I did it too. And along the way I've seen countless other leaders do it.
All in the name of Jesus.
And sometimes I - just like many other leaders - forgot what my first loves should be....God, my family, and the congregation I served. Jesus didn't call me, as a church leader, to be known. He didn't call me to even be wildly successful. He just called me to faithfully love and obediently serve.
He called me to do the same thing He called Peter to do, "Feed my sheep." And any good shepherd loves his sheep, and tenderly cares for them. They are not distractions, or obstacles to be overcome on the way to accomplishing our own grand visions. They are not just a problem to be solved, although there are days where problems outweigh victories.
They are who we - as pastors - are called to serve! And God has given each church leader the special privilege of a group of individuals - they are ours to help grow, to strengthen, to equip, and to train to advance the Kingdom of God as well. We don't do the work of the Kingdom alone. We just equip and mobilize!
If you are a church leader, I beg of you to stop for a moment, to examine your heart, and to remember this: God has not called us to a "vision" as much as He has called us to "a people".
May we, as church leaders and pastors never, ever forget that. May God fill our hearts with compassion, and empathy. May our eyes be opened to the potential in every person we serve, as well as to the pain and heartache they have endured. And may we encourage those that have been entrusted to our care.
And may we fall in love with our people. Even those that fall asleep during the sermon or who seem difficult to deal with. Especially those people.
Jonathan Falwell said it well in an address to pastors, "Don't make it about the lists,fame,the respect. Make it about the one. We have a responsibility to minister to the one."
So that is my prayer. If I die and am known for only one thing, let it be that I loved. And that I paid attention to people. That I loved the one.
For many years I worked and ministered in public view. Literally on a stage alot of the time. It's kinda weird now because even my husband has never gotten to travel with me to share in the ministry I do now. It's very different. And can be a bit lonely.
I wanted to share a little bit of my world with you so here's a glimpse into what I do now. Minus the paperwork, fundraising, and lots and lots of studying and planning and writing. If you've been wondering what I've been up to out on the field with the Give Worship Project, then watch this video. It will give you a glimpse into the ministry I'm now involved in. You'll meet friends from the DR, Haiti, India and Rwanda.
Come on and enjoy the journey around the world with the Give Worship Project!
We wanted to give you an update for the month of May on the ministry of the Give Worship Project!
First, we stop to give thanks and to praise God for all the wonderful ways He is working.
In the last six months, since the “birth” of the Give Worship Project:
*We have begun working and invited to work in 6 different countries (Haiti, the Dominican Republic,
Rwanda, India, Guatemala and South Africa) with 4 international mission organizations.
*We’ve helped equip 300 local church leaders that would have little access to any formal training. We
helped provide transportation, lodging, food, and resources for these leaders as well.
*We have become a non-profit 501(c)3 organization and have developed a website.
In the month of May we praise God that:
*We had 60 friends join us as we celebrated our “kick off” on May 1st!
*We had $4000 in one time gifts given that evening.
*We had commitments for $800 in monthly gifts made.
*We now have about 60 prayer partners praying faithfully for the work of the Give Worship Project.
We ask you to pray with us for these important needs:
*Our planning with Los Olivos, Christian Mission in Guatemala to set up training for
their worship team in July. Pray that I will have discernment as I plan training for these leaders.
*Continued wisdom as I work on worship discipleship materials to be used in Rwanda.
*Team members who have a heart for planting churches and discipling worshipers to join me in
Rwanda in September 2010 and Spring 2011 or India in November 2010.
*Provision for our financial needs. $600 more in monthly commitments OR $4200 in one
time gifts for ministry needs is still needed for the remainder of 2010. This all goes to ministry.
*Open doors for me to share about the work of the Give Worship Project. I need to share with
pastors, churches, worship teams, or small groups interested in helping. When I share face to face,
God always raises up partners in prayer, finances and ministry! So pray for these opportunities!
*Our family to adjust and make needed changes as we transition through this new phase of life and ministry. Our house is for sale and has been on the market for nine months! Pray that God would help it to sell soon so that we can have more flexibility for ministry.
*More opportunities for me to minister here in the States. Every time I do a retreat, or lead
worship it helps me spread the word. Please pray with us for divine connections!
*Continued growth in the ministry of the Give Worship Project!
*Upcoming Ministry Trips - Guatemala in July, Rwanda in September, India in November and
more in 2011!
Your prayers are a blessing! Thank you for laboring in prayer on our behalf and on behalf of church
leaders around the world. For information on how you can be involved, email Jan at
I love Hawaii. I readily admit to being an addict of sorts, if you can be addicted to a place. And since Kauai is without a doubt my favorite of the Hawaiian Islands I've had the pleasure of spending time on, this latest trip has really had me thinking about why I love it so much. (I actually cried when it was time to come home.) Here's a little bit of what I love about Hawaii - and it's more about attitude than it is about actual "things" or "places".
- Kauai in particular reminds me of the rural South. People are very friendly, they wave on the roads, stop to answer your questions, ask you about your life. It really sort of reminds me of a small town in the South. All the locals even drive old pickups! Of course, they carry dogs in theirs just like we do. But they also carry surfboards!
- I am a casual person. I enjoy dressing up occasionally to go to dinner or a party, but I don't want to live that way. (I could never be a big city girl) So I love being in a place where it is the NORM to run around in tshirts and skirts, or shorts and bathing suits, and EVERYONE has on a tshirt or a Hawaiian shirt and FLIP FLOPS! I saw a woman in black dress pants one day and she looked so out of place. Little to no makeup is the norm and it doesn't matter how old you are or what you weigh - everyone is dressed to enjoy the beautiful outdoors. Fat tummy and you want to go snorkeling? Go ahead? Who cares?! Young and old, big and little - everyone had fun and enjoyed the beach. There is something really freeing about seeing that. Amazingly enough, I feel much less self conscious about my body when I'm on the beach in a bathing suit in Kauai than I do on most normal days around here. It just doesn't seem to matter as much. This casual attitude is reflected in most shops and restaurants. An often seen sign is "No shirt, no shoes, no problem."
- Nature is continually celebrated. It is absolutely normal to see people wear flowers in their hair all the time. You see people wearing leis all over - natives and visitors alike. Much of the jewelry that is worn is also made from natural materials, including some shell necklaces that are so valuable and rare they are insurable as "gemstones"! People tend to just live out of doors, and yards are filled with flowering and fruit trees that they use. (Reminds me of my grandparents!) Natural beauty is appreciated - in surroundings and in people.
- We didn't turn on the tv for 11 days. I never once got on the computer. I only checked my phone twice a day. With so much natural beauty, we sat on the lanai - and the beach - alot and enjoyed those awesome tropical breezes. And the many books we brought with us. And each other. I could seriously live like that.
- I love being ten minutes from the water no matter where I am. I love going swimming every day. And I love sitting on the beach barefooted, etc. Having grown up on the lake really ruined me! Being near the water relaxes and inspires me. Living in a subdivision in a city absolutely does not. I've tried for many years to adjust but Phil and I are just happier at a soul level when we are closer to nature.
- Life moves at a slower pace. "Island Time" might frustrate some, but I honestly think we could all benefit from embracing the idea a bit more. What do we gain from rushing around frantically? A feeling of importance? Heartburn? Eventual heart attacks? Learning to take your time and enjoy the view is a reality of Hawaiian life - at least that was my observation. And who among us couldn't benefit from learning a bit more patience? When we returned and landed in Chicago, everyone rushing around, wearing muted colors and frowns, it actually made me nervous. While I understand that it's easier to relax on vacation, a relaxed attitude seems to be the norm on Kauai.
- They celebrate "pau hana" (getting off work) so well there! I think we could learn from that as well. Much like our friends in Louisiana, they know how to throw a party and live life as a celebration.
- They are all about family and loyalty. I like that.
- Being in Kauai always realigns my priorities. I know I have said that many times about spending time on the mission field. In many ways they are very different - but there are some similarities. The biggest similarity is that they live a life that is simpler. Which is a goal for Phil and I and a yearning of our heart for this time in our life.
For now we're home and trying to catch up. We're spending today doing laundry, replying to emails, unpacking. But in the back of our minds is a big question that won't go away........
How do we live like this a little more each and every day?
How will it affect our spending, our choices on how we spend our time, our view of ourselves and one another?
Will we choose to embrace the joys of life, or will we live life bogged down in stress and worry? And how will we do that?
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