Rebellious

 When I was in fourth grade, we had a particularly cold day. The P.E. teacher told us that since it was so cold the boys would go out to play kickball and the girls would stay inside and jump rope.

This was ridiculous to me.

 I could not imagine spending a more boring hour than to jump rope and do those stick things. More than anything it was illogical to me. Instead, to my mind, the logical thing to do would have been to say "If you don't want to go out in the cold, you may stay inside and play games. If you want to go outside and play kickball, you may."

Since it made so little sense to me and because I really chaff when you tell me I cannot do something because I am a girl, I broke the rules. I went outside with the boys and played kickball. And I got a "B" in P.E. that six weeks for my little defiance and was made by my parents to apologize to my teacher. I - for almost the first time ever - got in trouble in school.

And if you want to know the truth, I'm proud of it. I'd do it again.

The truth is, I'm a little rebellious. According to who you talk to I'm a lot rebellious. Even though friends describe me this way, I actually think I'm acutely aware of the rules. I try to be respectful of them and of those in authority over me, but I have to admit it...

I don't always follow the rules.

Sometimes I hate the rules.

I believe some rules need to be challenged and broken.

By rules, I am not really referring to the law, but more how those around us generally might expect things to be done, such as the example above from my childhood. For some unknown reason, girls were expected to behave one way, boys another. We've all encountered these expectations from others. Sometimes they help guide our behavior in healthy ways. But in other instances they stifle us, keeping us in a false box, bringing a slow death to our souls. Because of this, some rules or expectations need to be challenged.

It's hard to be the one that challenges......

It's hard to be the one that always asks "why?" or sometimes, "why not?". It's hard to be a person that frequently challenges the status quo. It's hard to be the person that sometimes makes those around them acutely uncomfortable with their questions and pushing. It's hard to be the person that is never satisfied with "normal". 

I am just as uncomfortable with this aspect of "me" as anyone else. It's actually a painful - and lonely - part of my life sometimes.  I've sat in many a meeting and wished I could be the person WITHOUT an idea, or a question, or a challenge. For so many years, I longed to be quiet and "submissive", without an opinion.

Alas, that has never happened. (smile)

Despite all my lamentation, I do believe this is how God created me. He created me with a creative spirit, with a mind that loves to learn, with a heart that is open to new ideas and experiences. He created me with a desire to ask questions, to know, to seek out the best solution. To push. To pull. To expect more. And I believe He created me to not be satisfied with "normal". Above all, He called me to be myself for the glory of God and the sake of His Kingdom. 

What is a little piece of "you" that you are uncomfortable with? Are you a little rebellious?

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Anthony Chia]

Sister,

I stumbled into your blog when I was searching for "peace so that the Gospel can go forth".

The moment started reading your current article, "Rebellious", just to scout how come I came to this blog of yours, I experienced a unmistakable pain in the area between the 2 pelvic. Now, I cannot help but wonder if you are suffering from some ailment, and my experience of pain is connected to it. You see, as a Christian, I move a little in the gift of knowledge, and the peculiar way in which I move, is that often times, I received these word of knowledge through sensations on my own body of the ailments of others. If this truly is from the Lord, this is the first time I experienced it over the internet. I am active everyday on the internet for years, but I have not have had this experience before.

I scanned further down, and in your Oct 5, 2011's article, "An honest Confession", I read that you were then facing imminent surgery concerning your uterus or something like that, with possibility of cancer. This further added weight to the possibility of what I experienced was a word of knowledge.

In obedience, I shall say a prayer for you, Jan Owen, in writing:

Father God,

As I believed it is a word of knowledge for this sister, I lift her up unto you, in prayer.

God, may your mercy abound greatly for Jan Owen.
In her times of affliction, may your manifest presence be felt by her.

May you extend your grace to her.
May your grace fills her, heals her and sustains her.

I pray for both your quiet and exceeding grace to be poured forth for her. May you work a miracle in her life, healing her, divinely or through the medication she receives.

I pray as she heals physically, Lord, may you also extend wholesome healing unto her soul.

In the name of Jesus, I speak health and vitality unto her body. All pain and discomfort to leave. Be healed in the Name of the Our Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

In obedience,
Anthony Chia
http://high-expressions.blogspot.com/

[Jan Owen]

Thank you Anthony. I did have surgery and there was, thankfully, no cancer found. I am well now and so grateful. Thank you for your prayers.