When I was in fourth grade, we had a particularly cold day. The P.E. teacher told us that since it was so cold the boys would go out to play kickball and the girls would stay inside and jump rope.
This was ridiculous to me.
I could not imagine spending a more boring hour than to jump rope and do those stick things. More than anything it was illogical to me. Instead, to my mind, the logical thing to do would have been to say "If you don't want to go out in the cold, you may stay inside and play games. If you want to go outside and play kickball, you may."
Since it made so little sense to me and because I really chaff when you tell me I cannot do something because I am a girl, I broke the rules. I went outside with the boys and played kickball. And I got a "B" in P.E. that six weeks for my little defiance and was made by my parents to apologize to my teacher. I - for almost the first time ever - got in trouble in school.
And if you want to know the truth, I'm proud of it. I'd do it again.
The truth is, I'm a little rebellious. According to who you talk to I'm a lot rebellious. Even though friends describe me this way, I actually think I'm acutely aware of the rules. I try to be respectful of them and of those in authority over me, but I have to admit it...
I don't always follow the rules.
Sometimes I hate the rules.
I believe some rules need to be challenged and broken.
By rules, I am not really referring to the law, but more how those around us generally might expect things to be done, such as the example above from my childhood. For some unknown reason, girls were expected to behave one way, boys another. We've all encountered these expectations from others. Sometimes they help guide our behavior in healthy ways. But in other instances they stifle us, keeping us in a false box, bringing a slow death to our souls. Because of this, some rules or expectations need to be challenged.
It's hard to be the one that challenges......
It's hard to be the one that always asks "why?" or sometimes, "why not?". It's hard to be a person that frequently challenges the status quo. It's hard to be the person that sometimes makes those around them acutely uncomfortable with their questions and pushing. It's hard to be the person that is never satisfied with "normal".
I am just as uncomfortable with this aspect of "me" as anyone else. It's actually a painful - and lonely - part of my life sometimes. I've sat in many a meeting and wished I could be the person WITHOUT an idea, or a question, or a challenge. For so many years, I longed to be quiet and "submissive", without an opinion.
Alas, that has never happened. (smile)
Despite all my lamentation, I do believe this is how God created me. He created me with a creative spirit, with a mind that loves to learn, with a heart that is open to new ideas and experiences. He created me with a desire to ask questions, to know, to seek out the best solution. To push. To pull. To expect more. And I believe He created me to not be satisfied with "normal". Above all, He called me to be myself for the glory of God and the sake of His Kingdom.
What is a little piece of "you" that you are uncomfortable with? Are you a little rebellious?