I'll admit it. I have a problem with anger.
It might not be like you'd imagine though. My problem is that I struggle to communicate honestly and early when something is bothering me. I just suck it up and respond as politely as possible because that is what a lady - and for sure a Christian lady in the south - is supposed to do. It's not gracious or ladylike or NICE to be angry. And at heart, I detest conflict. I run from it.
My problem with anger is that I do not know how to be angry in a healthy way. I get mad (or hurt) and bury it, get mad (or hurt) and bury it, get mad (or hurt) and bury it and then I get mad (or hurt) one last time and I loose it. All along the way I've probably hinted that I am unhappy, or said very politely that this is not acceptable but I probably have not communicated clearly that something really bothers me. Generally it takes me getting really fed up and frustrated to reach this point and then....BAM!
You will know EXACTLY how I feel!
This happened today. We've had a frustrating eight weeks of trying to first get our new refrigerator fixed, then replaced. After probably twenty phone calls and about nine service calls I got tired of the polite "answers" that meant nothing and I told that customer service representative exactly what I thought of Frigidaire appliances! I raised my voice, I cried (this is how you know I'm REALLY angry) and generally let her have it. And now I feel so bad. I don't even feel so much like I was wrong because they have showed an amazing lack of integrity in dealing with this, but anger always makes me feel dirty and ashamed. I never, ever feel it's okay.
And I totally know this is ridiculous. But I can't seem to "unlearn" it. I don't know how to be angry in a positive way, if that makes sense.
And if someone repeatedly hurts me or treats me badly, I will eventually just clam up and walk away.
Forever. It's not an issue of forgiveness but of trust.
So that's my confession tonight.
I have an anger problem.
What about you?