A Worshipful Heart

Sabbatical Update May 2, 2008

Today, as I celebrate my personal day of Sabbath, I wanted to "rest" from serious writing and simply share with you a sabbatical update and share some prayer requests with you. As you know if you are a frequent reader, I spent the first Sunday of my time away in the Chicago area at a retreat center with the retreat group I am so fortunate to be a part of. I spent Sunday morning digging into "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" and "Sacred Rhythms", praying for my family, and writing the first draft of the song, "Invitation", that I shared in yesterday's post. I came home Tuesday night and have focused the rest of this week on three very basic things:

1) Exercising regularly and making that a priority in my life. My goal is to walk at LEAST 4 miles a day, preferably more. I put my iPod on and away I go. I enjoy that time away, alone with God and my thoughts - the peacefulness of this time is therapeutic as well. Honoring the body God has given me is a spiritual discipline I am working to get a handle on.

2) Simplifying my life, purposefully resting and taking my time in order to hear from God. I find that I am at a loss without a long "to-do" list. I carried this horrible habit right on into my sabbatical! I mentioned this last week, but I really had to just delete many things I hoped to accomplish such as tasks around the house and focus on relationships and slowing down a bit more. I did get a couple of closets cleaned out but I only do those things when I just really want to. My focus is on being with God, resting and my family. I think this challenge is bigger than this so who knows what else God will show me about this area of my life.

3) Learning more about myself. I've noticed alot of things about myself the beginning of my sabbatical and this past retreat and I'm trying to take note, learn from it and make any shifts that God directs. Going at life at a more leisurely pace makes room for thoughtful introspection and prayer that is missing in a more fast-paced life. One day I may share what I have learned. Maybe!

You can pray for me in these ways particularly:

1) That I will be guided by God in what I choose to do each day. I felt so behind here at home that I thought I had to catch up and so I struggle with all of the things that are "undone" around me. Yet I know that the work God desires to do in my life is so much bigger than a closet or cabinet cleaned out! So I struggle to remain sensitive to God's voice and promptings.

2) That I will learn to relax and be still more. I still find sitting still without ANYTHING to do a real challenge. However, it is in quietness and stillness that I hear from God so clearly.

3) That I will make the needed changes in my life that God is guiding me to make.

4) That I could see myself clearly - both weaknesses and strengths - and discern God's hand in my life's story so I can step into the future with joy, gratitude and wisdom.

5) That Phil and I will have a great time as we go to Kauai next week (leaving Wednesday), great safety and that our hearts will be bonded together as we relax and enjoy this wonderful place God has made.

6) As we go that our children will be safe here at home. Pray for Daniel and Philip as they take final exams next week as well.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement!

Feelin' the Love!

Well to say that I feel overwhelmingly loved is an understatement. I have felt surrounded by prayers and the love of my church family this past week. Precious friends have written me cards, which I love and read over and over. I am going to post them on the wall during this time of sabbatical so I can see them and be reminded in a concrete way of the love and prayers of my church family and friends. Friday night the praise team gathered at the home of my sweet friends, Robert and Christie Ross. We had chocolate desserts and a meaningful time of worship led by my co-worker, dear friend and trailer mate :), Josh Britt. There is not a more beautiful sound than the sound of praise to God and it is even more precious when I hear the voices of those I love and live life with. With Christie singing on one side of me and Phil holding my handing and singing on the other it was a touching moment for me. Afterwards I was taken to a side room and my friends and teammates all came in one by one and prayed over me. I can't describe what this was like for me. It was simply beautiful and touched me in the deepest part of my heart. We sat and wept together and as I heard their words of love, thanksgiving, and their intercessions for me, I just felt covered by love. It was very healing for me and I thank God for those peaceful moments and loving prayers. A big thank you to Stacy, Christie, Robert and Josh for planning this for me.

This morning was my "Sending Service(s)" at church and I woke up rather early with butterflies in my stomach and last minute anxieties that I am prone to. I was looking forward to today but I was also a bit nervous and weepy. I was a little concerned about sharing my story so openly. There was a very bittersweet feeling to the entire morning for me because I will miss my church family. However, I do feel like God moved in a deep way. Our times of worship together were sweet. People seemed to really engage with God. My in-laws and my parents both came to share the day with me and some old friends came and joined us to see me off on this adventure of sabbatical. Once again I felt surrounded by love. As I shared my story, people were attentive and I could see that they could identify with aspects of my journey and struggles. As I shared my own grief and struggle through pain and need to rest, I could see that resonate with people. I watched as people who I know have gone through very tough times sat and nodded their heads, cried many tears, and with a look we said to one another, "I understand."

Then I had the most beautiful moments of the whole morning. In each service 4 very dear friends were asked to pray over me and to affirm me. This was such a precious surprise for me and I couldn't have asked for anything more meaningful to me. Some were members of my team, some were friends in our church that I have walked with for many years, and some were new friends that God is using in my life as well. They all encouraged me in the Lord, spoke such sweet and kind words about me, and prayed God's word over me. This is a gift I will cherish and carry with me the rest of my life because it is truly an eternal gift that touched my soul. Thank you Stacy, Linda, Ray, Wendel, Dean, Mark and Cheryl for this gift from your heart to mine.

As I lined up to say goodbye to friends I thought how wonderful it was to have this moment to look back on. I will carry these memories with me and as I travel and as I seek God, these dear friends will go with me in spirit through their prayers and love. Today I felt the nearness and physical presence of Christ in the touch of my brothers and sisters. To my family at The Brook - thank you for ministering to me. God used you to surround me with "tender mercies and loving kindness". (Psalm 103)

Tonight I feel one overwhelming emotion - I am thankful that I am loved. 

**Keep reading! I'll be sharing each day a segment of my testimony and elaborating a bit more than I was able to this morning! Comment to let me know you're keeping up!**

How Do I Feel?

I've been asked many times this week, "Well how do you feel?". Today was my last day in the office until July 30th. Our staff took me to lunch. I have finished up all my tasks, changed my phone message and turned off call forwarding, cleaned off my desk and yes, I am finished. So here is how I feel...

- it feels very surreal, like a dream. It feels unreal

- at the same time I feel very relieved and excited

- while also feeling a bit sad because I'll miss everyone and worried that I've forgotten something!

- Now that I've finished up so much work I feel relaxed and very energized

- yet I also feel a bit nervous about sharing my story on Sunday

- I'm very emotional - everything feels significant. I keep thinking, "It's the last time I will rehearse with my team til July 30th! It's the last time I will hang out in the office til August! It's the last time I will lead worship until August!" and on and on and on.

- Mainly though I am looking forward to all God has planned for me. I feel a sense of adventure and energy as I consider what is ahead for me. I feel that this is a hugely significant time in my journey with God.

To quote the great Don Moen, "God is good all the time!". Keep reading for more of my story!

What a Wonderful Day!

Yesterday was a wonderful day! It was a privilege to gather so openly with our church family and be an eye witness as they celebrated our Risen Savior and proclaimed His victory! From the opening video til the ending prayer each service was filled with joy and excitement - there was just a buzz in the air. As I stood on the stage to lead in worship I saw friends engage with God and there is not a more beautiful sight in all the world! With all of our hearts and beings we joined together to proclaim, "He is Risen Indeed!". What an honor to be a part of that!

I love leading worship on Easter because people do seem to come with such great expectancy. It's like they are sitting on the edge of their seats just knowing God is there to move. They have not only this human expectancy, they have faith that He will meet with them. That longing, expectant heart opens us to the move of the Spirit of God in a fresh way. We don't just come to church, we come with the anticipation that God has something special for us!

I believe that this explosion of joy in our services yesterday was partially due to this expectancy and anticipation we all brought when we came to worship. Yes, we worked hard on these services. But I think that - much more than that - it is our openness to God as we come, our sure faith that He is there with us longing to touch us, and our absolute determination to worship that brought such a PASSION to these times of worship. We were focused, we were fully present, we were all engaged and we longed to hear from God. God is always with us when we gather together to worship Him, He is indeed always working. But it is my experience as a worship leader that when worship times are "powerful" it's because we as Believers are worshiping wholeheartedly! We aren't watching others, half asleep, thinking about anything else - we are FULLY PRESENT with God and with one another. That is what makes worship memorable and powerful. Please don't misunderstand me. It is WHOLLY the presence and the power of the Holy Spirit that moves and works within us. I just know that many times we are unaware of God's presence, we are simply clocking time, we are on auto pilot as worshipers. When we are fully engaged and purposeful in our worship we open a door for God to move in an extraordinary way. Our hearts are open, we are ready and we become a willing vessel for God to work with. With this attitude we participate with God in His purposes! That's what we experienced at The Brook yesterday morning. Praise God!

I felt that yesterday's services were not so much "led" as "facilitated". There was a constant participation in all elements. I never felt like our congregation just sat and observed us "doing our thing". During worship they cheered, clapped, sang, raised their hands, cried. During the testimony that was given I saw so many tears of joy and compassion, and yes, probably understanding. There were warm smiles and encouraging looks as people affirmed - "yes, that's my love story too!". During our special music and even in our moments of transition, people responded to God. Some people simply sat and wept, or sang along. Others stood to their feet to proclaim with us, "My God is Mighty to Save" or to say to the world, "Yes, I am Redeemed!". I saw people move in very worshipful faith. Those were moments of participation as people responded TO GOD, not just to us and any promptings we gave. The worship simply flowed like a rushing river, all around the room, from heart to heart and up to God. We each gave something special to our time of corporate worship. I know it was a sweet offering to Him as we did this TOGETHER for His glory.

A big shout out to my family at The Brook! I love you all and loved sharing Easter with you once again. Thank you for letting me serve you in this way - it was a great joy and honor. Thank you to the many, many people who sang, played, preached, cleaned, built sets, handled lighting, slides, sound, served coffee, directed the service, greeted, ministered to our children and did so much more!It was good to have so many participate together.

On a personal note, it was wonderful to have my Mom and Dad with us, as well as having my daughter Maria home and at church with us. I sat with almost my entire family on Easter! That was really great. I loved being together with all of you!

Hope your Easter was blessed!

Good Friday - Stop and Remember

  Easter is fast approaching. Our team has spent weeks preparing worship and special music, service elements, staging and lighting, videos and a sermon that we pray will penetrate the hearts of those who attend. We have worked and planned so that the message of new life in Christ is very clear. We've prayed for others and the services and we've worked. But the question that so resounds in my heart tonight is how ready are WE, in our heart of hearts, to lead out on Sunday morning? We've prepared our music and our environment but have we prepared OURSELVES? We may feel physically prepared, technically we have thought through all of the details - yet it niggles in my heart that perhaps we have stopped short in our preparations.

Have we stopped long enough to thoughtfully consider the death of Christ on our behalf? I don't mean a quick "thank you" but a truly quiet moment where we stop, we sit, we absorb, we give thanks, we confess, we deeply consider the pain and darkness that had to occur. Have we been horrified lately that someone DIED for US? Without remembering the death, we cannot truly celebrate the resurrection. Without initial "defeat" there is no victory. Without the seeming triumph of sin and darkness in our life there is no new life in Christ Jesus. And while we all like to party more than we like to mourn, I think that some grief over the cost of our sin, over the suffering of our Savior, is appropriate as we approach the celebration of Easter morning.

Tomorrow is Good Friday. Take some time to stop and remember - to stop and say "thank you" - to stop and be overwhelmed by the goodness of the cross of Christ. This will be the focus of my sabbath tomorrow - revisiting the Way of Suffering of my Savior. Join me in taking some time in sober and respectful reflection. Then may your celebration be truly joyous on Sunday.

When Jesus rose from the dead, the women arrived at the tomb first on that morning. The words spoken to them that continue to strike a chord deep in my heart are these: "Why are you looking for the living among the dead?" Jesus lives indeed - inside each one of us who is called "Believer" and forevermore in victory! May the wonder of the cross and resurrection never leave us.

Offering Prayers and Sympathy

Please take a moment to pause during your day and to pray for those in Colorado whose lives were so totally altered yesterday. Tonight my heart just hurts for the families of the YWAM staffers who were killed, for the parents of the two sisters killed at New Life Church as they were leaving the worship service, for the security guard who had to pull the trigger to stop a killer, for the friends of all the victims, the staffs of both facilities and all of those who were witnesses to a horrific crime. When I read the news stories and watched the videos of interviews, I just sat and cried as I thought about what these people must be feeling.  As a mother, as a friend, as a minister......I grieve with and pray for those whose losses today are great, whose peace is completely shattered, whose world will never ever be the same, who will struggle to feel secure ever again,  and those who will have to now lead in the wake of this trauma. Take a moment to hold these brothers and sisters in Christ in the Lord's loving presence. May our hearts be soft enough and tender enough to mourn with those who mourn and to feel great compassion for those whose lives were interrupted by tragedy. Can we remain untouched as our family in Christ suffers? I hope not - I fervently hope that we cannot. No, we may not know them in person and cannot offer our physical presence or food or other demonstrations of sympathy. But we can offer the silent strength and support of our prayers. Pray with me.