A Worshipful Heart

What I'm Thinking as I Visit Your Church

This is part one in a series of weekly posts I'll be doing as Phil and I look for a church. I hope all of you involved in church leadership will take the time to read because I think you can benefit from our insights as we take this awkward journey of figuring out what church God would have us now call home. Having spent the last fifteen years in vocational ministry, we haven't looked for a new church in a LONG time. Undoubtably, my perspective as a church seeker is quite different from the perspective I held as a "church professional", but I continue to view everything through the eyes of a leader. So I hope you'll learn from our insights and experiences as previous church leaders now longing for a home.....

We've only been visiting churches for a couple of weeks now but I already hate it. It's uncomfortable. It's stressful. And perhaps most of all, it's lonely. If you've been in vocational ministry for some time, or if you've called the same church home for many years, you may have forgotten - or never known - what it's like to walk in the doors of a church a total stranger. Many times we, as church leaders, are so in love with our church and have invested so totally in our congregations that we simply cannot understand the perspective of a first time guest.

Each Saturday night I go to bed with a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. Even though I've enjoyed the services we've attended I find it hard to actually concentrate. My guess is many first time guests feel this way. I don't know what's going on and I spend a lot of my time observing. Even though I've led worship for over 20 years I still don't always know all the songs and I wonder if it's okay to express myself in worship. So I'm looking around, watching, waiting. It's harder to worship and almost impossible to relax. I feel like I am an observer instead of a true participant.

I'm wondering if I could possibly fit in here, I'm missing all my friends, and I feel invisible. No matter how many people greet me, I still feel like the invisible woman. Although I am acknowledged, I am not known. And isn't that the most significant part of any church experience? To do this spiritual life in community with others? Without any relationships -or a place of service - I feel useless, and my attendance feels a bit pointless. It's the oddest feeling to realize that my attendance to church matters to no one else but Phil and God. No one else cares if I'm there because they do not know me or need me. This is a strange - and sad - realization. 

If I've learned anything at all about church in the past few weeks it is this: sermons are great, worship is uplifting, but the real point of church is spiritual community - to learn, and to worship, yes, but to do so together with those we love. 

The truth that the greatest needs of any human are "to know and be known, to love and be loved, to celebrate and be celebrated" has never been clearer to me than at this time in my life when I feel the lack of a church home so deeply. I go to church on Sundays and I am NOT known, I am NOT truly loved and of course I am NOT celebrated. Nor can I really do these things for anyone else. I'm attending but I stand apart from the crowd, feeling very much like the outsider I am. I feel like I've dropped off the ends of the earth into an alternate universe. It's uncomfortable, awkward, and - many moments - very sad. And while there are sweet moments of worship, some laughter, and even truths learned, there is just something missing. It doesn't feel like home.

So pastors, fellow worship leaders, and anyone else who leads on Sunday mornings, be patient with us who are visiting your church fellowships each weekend. Forgive us if we don't sing or clap, or even if we don't look particularly joyful. We probably feel lost! We're still trying to figure it all out and we may be going through a major life transition - we may have just moved, or have experienced a deep grief, or be seeking God for the first time. We're nervous so please show us some grace! And don't be offended, it's not personal or a judgment on you or your church, it's just us. 

We're longing for home.....

Good - Bye for Now...Why I'm taking a break from social media

I love connecting with friends. This is one of the reasons I have tried to faithfully twitter, interact on facebook, and even blog - it gives me more opportunities to share my life and to get a glimpse of other's lives as well. With that said, you may have noticed I've been conspicuously absent from facebook, twitter, and blogging for most of this week. I've updated twitter exactly once since Sunday night.....must be a record.

I have felt very led by God to take a break from social media for a while - a "fast" if you will from near constant communication and feedback. So you won't see me online for a few weeks. I'm not sure how long this will last, I'm just going to continue until I feel God has said it's okay for me to go back.

So why would I do this? Why do I think God is leading me to take this step?

There are a few things:

1) I think God wants me to take a break from writing about my life and instead to be fully present in the moment. It's a way to honor those I am physically present with - if I'm with Phil and we're taking a walk, no matter what I see or what happens I just enjoy and experience that with him without the distraction of sharing it with the world! I can also really enjoy each moment of my life in a more substantive way. 

2) Similarly, it helps me to be more fully tuned into God. Constant communication and feedback can wreck your ability to pay attention to one thing at a time. It can be distracting. I feel like I'm in a season that I need to really be fully tuned in to the voice of God alone. 

3) I simply need a break.

So, what has my first week been like? To be honest, it's been very peaceful. No constant need to check my phone, no wondering if someone will misunderstand a comment, no obsessing over what someone else meant by their comment, and more time just to "be", to relax mentally, and to be fully present to God and whoever I'm with. I think I might have gotten more work done too. :)

Because of this, Phil and I have made the radical decision - for us anyway! - to not take my iPhone or his Blackberry with us when we travel to Maui on Tuesday. We've also decided we're not checking email while we're away. We're going to focus on hearing from God and being with each other and - oh yes! - relaxing in one of the most beautiful places on earth. 

I wanted you to know I am not ignoring you personally, I'm simply not checking in. I hope you'll understand and pray for me as I take this step in my journey. I trust God has a deep work to do in my life. 

See you later! And ROLL TIDE ROLL!

Don't Get Comfortable

Today was our first day out on the field here in Guatemala. After we arrived yesterday some group leaders went to assess construction projects while Sheila, Barby and I went to north Guatemala City to Shalom Baptist Church to meet with their worship pastor about the possibility of conducting a training workshop for area worship teams in 2010. I was thrilled to see two of the guitars purchased through the Give Worship Project being used there at Shalom. Below is a picture of Sheila and I with Noe, the Worship Pastor and Manual, his assistant holding some of the guitars given by readers of this very blog! They are very proud of these instruments and long for more equipment in order to train more musicians. I'll share more about that on a later date.

They lead worship several times a week for the school at Shalom, the parents of the students, and of course, for the church itself. We are very excited about the possibility of bringing a team of worship clinicians to provide some training for area worship leaders!

Today was the day we hit the ground running! Up and at 'em heading to two construction sites and one school. I was in the group that went to Yalu, a mountain village in the highlands area of Guatemala. Up, up, up we climbed, passing terraced crops all around and women in traditional dress carrying firewood and water on their heads and babies on their backs. This was one of the poorest villages I've ever worked in or seen. We worked today with Brendan, a missionary from Wisconsin, who works with Mano Con Manos to construct health care facilities and - in Yalu - a feeding center which was very nice! We worked in a home with dirt floors and cornstalk walls. Our goal for the day: to replace the cornstalks with sheets of tin and to shore up the "frame" of this home, which had a pigpen and a beauty salon by the front door. This sounds easy but it was not so straightforward. Nothing was straight, we were on the side of a steep hill, etc. But we got it done and now this family is more protected from the elements. That is something to be thankful for!

I was proud of how quickly our group pitched in to do tasks they'd never done before. Callie was great with the power tools, and quickly became a star apprentice helping Phil out. Daniel pitched in to help devise plans and to record the day for us via video and pictures. (to be posted soon) I didn't have my camera with me alot of the day but below are a few pictures from this traditional village. I leave you with the encouragement to break out of YOUR comfort zone!

What is God calling you to do?

Today we saw great beauty and great need.

It's scary to say but I don't want to get comfortable anymore......

 

Guatemala, Here We Come!

We're so excited! This afternoon Phil, Daniel and I are driving to Atlanta to fly out to Guatemala in the morning. We're going with a group from The Brook for a 10 day mission trip. We'll be staying in Antigua, but we'll be working in Guatemala City and Yalu as well.

We'll be working in construction building and repairing homes, in orphanages caring for children, in a school feeding and teaching children, and also doing some evangelism and music in several different settings. We've learned a few songs in Spanish which I hope we remember the correct words to and we are going to be doing some community outreach as we share the gospel.

Additionally, Sheila (one of our worship leaders and a dear friend) and I will be meeting with the worship pastor at Shalom Baptist Church to discuss the possibility of some future ministry there training local worsip leaders. If you've been reading for some time you know this is a dream of mine, something I feel God is calling me to do. I'm excited about each small step that we take towards seeing that come to fruition!

Please pray for us as we travel. Here are some specific ways you can pray:

 - Pray that we will lead others to Christ and that we will proclaim the Gospel not only with our mouths and ministry to others but also with our attitudes and actions and love for one another.

 - Pray that we will be open to divine appointments and have hearts full of compassion. Pray that we will see others through the eyes and with the heart of Christ.

 - Pray that we will remain healthy and safe and particularly that we will not get any kind of intestinal illness.

 - Pray that God will change our hearts as we minister and that we would clearly hear His calling and direction for our lives.

 - Please pray for our families as well as they stay behind.

 - On a very personal level, I ask that you pray for our meeting with Shalom and for the details of this worship workshop to be worked out according to the will of God.

 - Also I ask that you pray for Daniel, Phil and I to have some special time together ministering as a family.

Check back often. I'll try to post often so you can follow what we're doing.

Guatemala, here we come!

What I Learned From Biking....

Recently our family got new bikes. To be honest, it's been years since I've done any serious biking. Sure, I've rented a bike or rode around with the kids, but the past few weeks we've been biking 10 miles several days a week. We're training to do a two day biking trip in the fall. When I was just biking with the kids, or tooling around on a rented bike, I never really learned how to use the gears. Now that we're biking for miles at a time and going up and down hills, I've learned the beauty of gears. The other day, when I was flying down a hill and shifting into a higher gear to take advantage of the momentum, Phil looked at me and said something profound: "You know, we could probably learn alot about how to live life from riding these bikes!".

So I've been thinking about that as I have geared up and down, climbing hills and breezing down inclines. I've thought about how easy the first mile feels and how difficul the last 1/4 mile can be. Here's what I've learned from biking:

 - Don't push to hard at the beginning if you want to finish well. In other words, pace yourself.

 - Take advantage of the downhill momentum to prepare for the next uphill climb.

 - Sometimes the moment it really burns and you're tempted to stop is the moment when it levels out and eases up a bit.

 - The hill you can handle when you're fresh and life is good will seem impossible when you are tired and exhausted. The hill hasn't changed, but your ability to climb it has - your reserves are depleted.

 - Therefore there are moments when the best thing you can do is get off the bike and walk a bit or sit down and rest and get a drink. There is no shame in this. Sometimes a little rest is all it takes to finish strongly.

 - If the terrain was the same all the time and all the roads of life were paved and flat it would indeed be easier, but it would also be more boring. Without the strain of climbing the hills we'd never know the thrill of flying down the other side.

  - Momentum makes all obstacles seem easier to overcome than they really are. Climbing uphill makes each obstacle seem harder to overcome than it really is.

 - The more I bike, the more I am able to bike. Endurance is built up over time and takes discipline. The ability to stick with it for the long haul is borne out of experience and being in shape. If I'm not healthy and strong, I won't be able to go the distance. If I don't learn from my experiences, I will make mistakes that disqualify me. If I don't stop and rest when needed, I will not be able to finish the course at all.

 - If you get distracted and take your eyes off the trail you could have a wreck. And your wreck could hurt others and not just yourself.

 - It's always more fun to bike with a friend. And their company is sometimes what motivates you to keep pushing on.

Bet you didn't know there was so much to be learned from riding a bike!

What steps are you taking to be able to "finish well"?

Hallelujah, God is Near

Last Thursday night we held Daniel's High School Graduation Ceremony and Celebration at Monte Sano Lodge and had a great time with family and friends. I was particularly moved to hear our parent's prayers for Daniel, to hear Josh (Daniel's Student Pastor) share, and to hear what Daniel had to say himself on his feelings about this new chapter of his life. It was all so touching and was a moment that I will long remember as a night that made all of the heartaches, sleepless nights, questions, and uncertainty of parenthood worth it. Phil and I both had an opportunity to share special challenges with Daniel as well and then I shared a song that I had written especially for my children. All in all, it was a wonderful evening of celebration with family and friends.

 

 

Isn't this a beautiful setting for any ceremony? To all the family and friends who joined us for this evening - thank you so much for sharing this moment with us.

I did really well - no real tears at all during the ceremony. But on the way home I cried as I listened to "Hallelujah, God is Near" and realized that these words so perfectly communicated how I felt about this evening. In the faces of those we love and hold dear, in the words of those who care about Daniel and our family, in the laughter of family and friends, in the sweetness of the memories held in the community of family and those who now feel like family, in the hands of those who pitched in to help, in the remembrances of the goodness of God, the best thing I can say is this:

"Hallelujah, God is near....."

And I am thankful.

When have you felt the presence of God in your life lately?

We're So Proud of You Daniel!

 

This is my son Daniel. He is my youngest child, and he is such a great joy in my life.

Today we'll be celebrating Daniel's graduation from high school.

 

Eighteen years ago Daniel entered our lives as a sweet cuddly baby. It seems like only yesterday.

Time really does fly......

Congratulations Daniel!

Thanks to All the Mommies In My Life!

Tonight I'm foregoing my normal worship confessional in order to honor all of the mommies in my life! While no one can ever provide all that my mama has, God has blessed me with additional women throughout my life that have loved me. Some of them are in my family, some are not, some are biological parents, some will never know the joy of bearing a child physically, some of them are older than me, some of them are much younger, some of them encourage me face to face, some of them from afar.

Whoever they are, they have encouraged me, taken care of me, looked out for me, believed in me, grieved with me, cried with me, challenged me, corrected me, saw the beauty of who I was created to be, listened to me, taught me, and slowed down long enough to speak into my life. Perhaps most of all, they simply loved me. When I think of influential women who dotted the landscape of my childhood, I think of (after my mom!) my grandmothers who cared for me, my great-grandmother, aunts who played with me, teachers that challenged me and believed in me, and the faithful women I saw pray week in and week out at our little church.

As I've grown into adulthood, I learned more about marriage, about being a wife and mother, about being myself, about the many ways God can use my life from the women who have criss-crossed in and out of my life in deeply divine patterns. These are the women who give me hugs every week and ask me if I'm taking care of myself. They have celebrated with me and grieved with me. They have offered wise advice and stretched and encouraged me. They've listened deeply and patiently and they've prayed. Through their words, through their touch, through their example - they have offered nurturing and care to me.

I have learned so much from all of the mommies in my life. If you are a woman that has blessed my life, I thank you so much for your loving care.

Whether or not you have EVER borne a child, thank you for showing me the tender heart of God!

And MOM, you are the most wonderful woman in my life. I love you very much. Thank you for believing in me and loving me and patiently bearing with me.

So, what "mommy" in your life deserves a special hug and a quiet thanks? Better yet, take a moment to write them a note and let them know how God has used them to impact your life. I plan to write a few of those this week!

Shout it out!

Easter Encounter: Don't Miss Jesus!

 

Today was a great day to celebrate our Risen Savior with family and friends at The Brook! I felt like I celebrated with friends around the world as well as I read twitters and facebook updates from everyone as they worshipped - I loved how connected I felt to the Body of Christ from around the globe.

We had a big crowd at The Brook and there was a great sense of excitement and anticipation in the air as we gathered as a church family. We did our regular two services and both were very full, which was nice to see. There was alot of energy as well which made leading worship seem almost effortless - it just seemed like we cranked out the music and everyone was already ready to go! I loved hearing the voices of our congregation so full and loud as we worshiped together. When we got to "Revelation Song" the crowd was so loud - they didn't need me to lead them at all!

For our special creative element we "borrowed" from an idea from Lifechurch.tv and based it all on the song "True Love" by Phil Wickham. Our Student Pastor Josh Britt sang with Debbie Blackburn doing backing vocals. We began the element with the keyboard playing a synth pad and I had two readers doing sections of the crucifixion story from Luke 23. We had gathered six "helpers" dressed all in black on stage, each holding a section of a painting. As we moved through the song, as we got to the bridge (Jesus is alive, Jesus is alive, yeah He rose again!) the helpers moved to each hang their portion of the painting up on a special mount. When they finished, this was hung (as shown in the photo) and lit up as we went into the last chorus! People erupted in applause and cheers. It was a powerful moment. I hope to post the video soon.

A special thanks to Brian Metz from Hope Church, a church near us, for doing our painting! Another special thanks to Sheila Pierce and Stacy Nesselrotte for painting our canvas hangings that formed the backdrop of our stage!

Brian preached about the story of the disciples walking on the road to Emmaus, using Luke 24 as one of his texts. He encouraged us to not miss Jesus!

Here's the music we did:

Opening video: 3 Days Later (very powerful! got it from Sermon Spice)

1. My Savior Lives (New Life)

2. Mighty to Save (Hillsong United)

3. Sweetly Broken (Jeremy Riddle)

4. Revelation Song (Gateway)

"True Love" Creative Element as described above

Sermon - Brian

Closing Worship

 - in the first service we did "Jesus Paid It All" but we scratched it in the 2nd service to allow Brian to lead us in a longer time of prayer.

We closed out both services with "Alive Forever Amen!" which ROCKED THE HOUSE! I had such a hard time standing still and singing this song! We finished it and then went right back into it. What fun! I think my favorite comment about the day was when a friend was leaving and she said "That last song? Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!". I hope in heaven I will be able to really dance and sing at the SAME TIME! :)

I was thrilled to have my daughter home for the weekend and with us this morning. My mom and dad came over, along with several other family members as well. It was such a wonderful thing to share Easter with some of my own earthly family there as well.

I want to say a huge big thank you to all the wonderful volunteers that made today such a special experience! Your hard work really is what made the services today at The Brook possible! I don't know what I'd do without you! I love you!

Happy Easter everyone!

This is a part of Sunday Setlists at www.fredmckinnon.com!

Hope is Rising

The past few years have been tough ones at The Brook. It has been difficult to remain faithful, to keep hoping, and to not give in to the doubts of our own hearts OR some hurtful words from others. Today was a hugely significant day in the life of our body of believers. We had our pastoral candidate, Brian Mayfield, preach in both services in "view of a call" and we were fervently praying that God would speak to all of us and direct us in a unified step forward.

Brian spoke today about "What Do You See?". He used the story of the spies going into the Promised Land to scout it out and noted that "Joshua and Caleb were looking at the grapes (the fruit and proof that what God was true) but the other ten spies were just looking at The Giants." This stopped them from believing that they (or rather God) could do what they had been commanded to do. It even stopped them from believing the very words of God and had them longing to overthrow Moses and go back to Egypt, to life long slavery. So the focus of the message today was "What Do You See?" as you look at the future, at ourselves, at our situation and then "Who Are You Listening To?". Are you listening to God and those that obey Him or are you listening to negative influences in your life? It was a great word for us as we now see we must CHOOSE how we will move forward - will we believe the promises of God, or will we believe what the obstacles ahead might tell us?

Here's what we did....

Opening Video: My God

Worship:

1. You You Are God

2. I Stand Amazed

3. Sing to the King (I read Rev. 21:1-5) before we did that BIG second verse. It was powerful!!

Introduction of Brian Mayfield

Video: God's Lenses

Sermon - Brian

Response: Awesome is the Lord Most High

Offering/Announcements

Voting

The vote went very well and was almost unanimous. We are thrilled beyond measure to be stepping forward with God in this way.

So, today was a monumental day for our church. We welcome the Mayfields to Madison and to The Brook. We thank God so much for faithfully leading us through the wilderness and now out the other side. We thank God for all we learned and all of the deep work He's done within us.

Today, we praise God! He IS good and His mercy ENDURES forever!

So how was your Sunday?

**This is a part of Sunday Setlists over at FredMckinnon.com.**