A Worshipful Heart

The things you learn from Dad......

First of all, I want to give a big Father's Day shout out to the Dads in my life. I am so thankful for my own Dad, Neal Johnson and Phil's Dad, Philip Sr. I also am so glad to have Phil as the father to my children. We thank God for godly, loving, responsible men to be the "Dads" in our lives. We have many sweet memories together and our lives have been shaped by the time we've spent with these dads as well as all they've taught us and - most importantly - modeled for us.

Although my Dad gave me so many gifts, I want to thank him publicly for a few things in particular - some of the more "non-traditional" things he imparted to me.

Tonight Was A Good Night

Tonight was a good night. My youngest child, Daniel, will turn 17 years old (gasp!) next Tuesday and we took tonight as a chance to celebrate. Phil went with us to Red Lobster to eat dinner (Daniel's choice for shrimp) then Daniel and I headed over to the David Crowder concert. We ended the night at Kenny Mango's, a neighborhood coffeehouse, and had lots of great discussion along the way. It was a good night and I thank God for the chance to spend some true quality time with my son. As much as I enjoyed being with Daniel, that's really not what tonight's post is about - it's just the frame that the picture is in.

Since I have been on sabbatical I have experienced "church" in some different ways and in some different places - from retreat centers, to an outdoor church in Kauai, to my upstairs "sacred space" to a neighboring church to - tonight - a David Crowder concert. I am old enough to remember when people were totally shocked by a Petra concert at Huntsville High School in 1983 (I was thrilled beyond words) and to remember when Christians were less expressive, shall we say, in their worship. Raising your hands meant you were "one of those holy rollers". And dancing? No way! Because I can remember the "before", I am much more appreciative of the "after". Tonight we went to a Crowder concert at Huntsville First Baptist, a fairly traditional and formal church. The place was filled with people from all different denominations, and of all ages, worshiping God freely and loudly.

What Would You Say?

I had a funny conversation yesterday morning. This conversation began after I mentioned that last Sunday I had visited the church this man attends. He asked about The Brook and the conversation moved on to our families, his desire to find the right woman and marry and then on to what it was like for me to be a minister.  It was good to connect to another part of the Body of Christ - we do tend to talk mainly to those we fellowship weekly with. But in this conversation, after I mentioned that Phil and I had just celebrated our 24th anniversary, he asked me what has to be the oddest question anyone has ever asked me about being a minister. I've had odd ones before, but this one just hit me in the strangest way. Here's the latter part of our conversation - remember that it was me (a 42 year old woman married to the same man for 24 years) and a younger, single male (maybe around 35 and never married) - but both believers. This is the gist of what was said during the "strange" part.

Guy: So is it strange being a woman in ministry? I mean isn't it hard?

Me: In what way?

Guy: Well, don't you get hit on alot? (in case you're wondering this was the strange question)

Me: Mmmm....no.....uh.....not ever that I am aware of. (envision a very awkward pause here) 

Guy: Don't you work with alot of men and counsel them alot?

Me: Well, I work with guys but I never counsel them alone. Or ride with them alone. Or meet with them alone. My husband doesn't spend time alone with other women either. We try to protect our marriage and respect the marriages and spouses of others.

Guy: I would think guys would really hit on a woman pastor. (really??? I thought in disbelief)

Me: Well, uhhhh....not in my case. (is this a phenomenom I am unaware of? Somebody fill me in.)

Guy: Well, how do you do it?

Me: what?

Guy: How have you stayed married - apparently happily - for 24 years with you in ministry and your husband traveling. I mean weren't you ever tempted? What's kept you together?

Me: I cannot speak for my husband but for me I can only say that I've met alot of men and I'd rather be with my husband than anyone I've ever met. He's my best friend. We protect our marriage too and just try not to entertain thoughts of others. You just can't go there. Sometimes it's easier than at others.

Guy: I don't understand.

Me: Weeeelllll, it's about more than thinking someone's hot or fine or whatever, it's about loving being with them and we love to be together. I married my best friend. You have to be content with who you have and spend time with them enjoying each other so you aren't tempted to be with others.

Guy: So what do you think makes a good marriage? What advice would you give to me as I look for a wife:

Me: Quit looking for women just where ever because they're good looking and look for someone who genuinely loves Christ. (per some previous convo) Your marriage has to be based on this foundation that you both share. Marriage is difficult enough without marrying someone who doesn't believe like you do. And what's on the inside that lasts and that you have to live with ultimately. Looks fade you know.

Guy: You don't understand - I can't find a woman who loves God like I do. (nice excuse for just going after the bod in my opinion)

Me: Well, I'm telling you that this is really, really important.

Guy: What else?

Me: Like I said, you have to protect your marriage, your thoughts, your love. Spend time together, serve God together and marry your best friend. Don't marry someone you don't enjoy hanging out with. Marriage is more than just getting to have sex sanctioned by God.

Guy: oh (very disappointed sigh and face here)

So what would you have said if he asked you? The marriage part I mean.....unless you've been hit on alot and want to share. :) You just never know where a "chance" conversation will take you! Heads up!

Aloha for now!

   As of 5:30 am Wednesday morning Phil and I will be on our way to Kauai! We are very excited and have all sorts of fun things planned - a helicopter tour to see the parts of Kauai that are simply not accessible any other way, snorkeling at Tunnels Beach, hitting the Shrimp Station and trying different flavors of shrimp and eating with the locals, going all the way to Polihale Beach this time and seeing the dunes, renting a 4WD for a few days and doing some exploring, eating LOTS of shave ice (macadamia nut ice cream with shave ice and syrup - lingonberry/passion fruit -  all topped with CONDENSED MILK! YUMMY!), finding some hidden beaches and eating our hamburgers from Duane's Ono Charburger while we're sitting there, boogie boarding, taking some afternoon naps, maybe getting a massage, hiking along the coastline, eating at Keoki's Paradise, visiting the coffee plantation, and kayaking the Na Pali coast! We are well overdue some time away with one another and poor Phil deserves this break from work as well. So pray for us and keep checking back. I'm not going to blog everyday but I will try to share now and then some of the fun we're having, especially after our big 17  mile kayaking trip! Pray for us - for our safety, for us to enjoy one another, for us to hear from God and to sense Him in these beautiful surroundings and for us to be able to truly rest - body and soul. Pray for our family as well, that they will be safe and healthy while they are here at home and that no emergencies crop up for anyone to deal with. We're off to Hawaii - our happy place! As Phil says, "It's just good for the soul!".

Early Mother's Day

I wanted to share my early Mother's Day with you all, mainly because Phil and Maria got some great family shots today. We have a history of making just horrible family pictures! Philip has two finals tomorrow so he was not with us. Enjoy these shots of my precious family! We went to eat at PF Changs at Bridge Street and enjoyed having lunch together. It was a good day!

 

   

Feelin' the Love!

Well to say that I feel overwhelmingly loved is an understatement. I have felt surrounded by prayers and the love of my church family this past week. Precious friends have written me cards, which I love and read over and over. I am going to post them on the wall during this time of sabbatical so I can see them and be reminded in a concrete way of the love and prayers of my church family and friends. Friday night the praise team gathered at the home of my sweet friends, Robert and Christie Ross. We had chocolate desserts and a meaningful time of worship led by my co-worker, dear friend and trailer mate :), Josh Britt. There is not a more beautiful sound than the sound of praise to God and it is even more precious when I hear the voices of those I love and live life with. With Christie singing on one side of me and Phil holding my handing and singing on the other it was a touching moment for me. Afterwards I was taken to a side room and my friends and teammates all came in one by one and prayed over me. I can't describe what this was like for me. It was simply beautiful and touched me in the deepest part of my heart. We sat and wept together and as I heard their words of love, thanksgiving, and their intercessions for me, I just felt covered by love. It was very healing for me and I thank God for those peaceful moments and loving prayers. A big thank you to Stacy, Christie, Robert and Josh for planning this for me.

This morning was my "Sending Service(s)" at church and I woke up rather early with butterflies in my stomach and last minute anxieties that I am prone to. I was looking forward to today but I was also a bit nervous and weepy. I was a little concerned about sharing my story so openly. There was a very bittersweet feeling to the entire morning for me because I will miss my church family. However, I do feel like God moved in a deep way. Our times of worship together were sweet. People seemed to really engage with God. My in-laws and my parents both came to share the day with me and some old friends came and joined us to see me off on this adventure of sabbatical. Once again I felt surrounded by love. As I shared my story, people were attentive and I could see that they could identify with aspects of my journey and struggles. As I shared my own grief and struggle through pain and need to rest, I could see that resonate with people. I watched as people who I know have gone through very tough times sat and nodded their heads, cried many tears, and with a look we said to one another, "I understand."

Then I had the most beautiful moments of the whole morning. In each service 4 very dear friends were asked to pray over me and to affirm me. This was such a precious surprise for me and I couldn't have asked for anything more meaningful to me. Some were members of my team, some were friends in our church that I have walked with for many years, and some were new friends that God is using in my life as well. They all encouraged me in the Lord, spoke such sweet and kind words about me, and prayed God's word over me. This is a gift I will cherish and carry with me the rest of my life because it is truly an eternal gift that touched my soul. Thank you Stacy, Linda, Ray, Wendel, Dean, Mark and Cheryl for this gift from your heart to mine.

As I lined up to say goodbye to friends I thought how wonderful it was to have this moment to look back on. I will carry these memories with me and as I travel and as I seek God, these dear friends will go with me in spirit through their prayers and love. Today I felt the nearness and physical presence of Christ in the touch of my brothers and sisters. To my family at The Brook - thank you for ministering to me. God used you to surround me with "tender mercies and loving kindness". (Psalm 103)

Tonight I feel one overwhelming emotion - I am thankful that I am loved. 

**Keep reading! I'll be sharing each day a segment of my testimony and elaborating a bit more than I was able to this morning! Comment to let me know you're keeping up!**

Much More Than a Memory

  I spent a few days last week at my Granny and Paw Paw's house. They have been gone for a few years but their house still brings back so many wonderful memories for me. Of all the places in the world, Granny's house feels most like home. Every Christmas of my life until I was 36 years old was spent in this house. Each and every summer I spent several weeks here. When I return here I feel the safety that I felt as a child, that comfort we have when we know we are cared for and that someone older and wiser is in charge and taking care of things. I feel cocooned in a peaceful way when I go back home. As I walk around the pond or over the hill to the barn or meander out in Granny's flower gardens or through the garden Paw Paw worked so hard on, I remember so many powerful memories. I spent hours sitting in Paw Paw's lap reading together. I sat happily at the kitchen table while Granny cooked up all the marvelous things that taste like love to me - her chicken and dumplings, peach cobbler, sweet potato casserole, chocolate pie, macaroni and cheese and yes, blackberry jelly. mmm....mmmmm! Words fail me! We all gathered in the kitchen and happily devoured the feast, or sat down to breakfast together and the conversation just never stopped, it was always lively as we all crammed in to sit together. At that same kitchen table I watched the adults play "Setback" with my great-grandmother (comment if you have EVER heard of this game) and penny poker with my great-grandfather. When I got a little older I was allowed to play Rook and have spent many hours with my aunts and uncles learning the nuances of this game. We would go out back to the pond and feed the fish with Paw Paw or ride up to the barn and play in the bales of hay and I am happy to say that even my children had the joy of these memories. I would sit and watch Mama Boyd (my great grandmother) fish and of course I spent lots of time working in the garden or sitting out back snapping beans or shelling peas. My grandmother was always making something and I loved to watch her. We played football in the front yard and it always seemed like an impromptu party to me with neighbors dropping in and family coming to share in the fun. One of my most vivid memories as a child are the hours I spent in the flower gardens with Granny. I would follow her around and I learned all the names of the flowers she grew there. She had beautiful tea roses, a great luxury for that time, and she tended them like she did her children - with tender loving care. To an only child who lived in a rather quiet house, this was a wonderland - plenty of places to play and plenty of people to play with. I never felt the lack of siblings until I became an adult and felt the loss of my extended family to old age, and the normal journeys life takes us on - marriage, career, and moving. I suppose that as I look back my childhood and early adult years were really golden years - I doubt I will ever have moments quite like that again. They cannot be re-created, only treasured. This past weekend we had gathered for a sad purpose - to clean out my grandparent's house and get it ready to sell. This just really broke my heart. I don't want anyone else to sit in that kitchen and look out over OUR pond! I don't want to not be able to sit in the back and feel the peacefulness of another night arriving surrounded by family. I cannot bear the thought of never being able to go there again. It simply hurts. And I know it hurts my mother as well as the rest of our family. It is hard to truly say goodbye. As we went through mountains of items collected over the years, we relived many happy memories. We looked through keepsakes, reminisced as we gathered around old pictures, and laughed in wonder at some of the "treasures" we unearthed. We each went home with a few things that reminded us of being with Granny and Paw Paw. Most weren't worth much monetarily, but they just held precious memories for us of two people that loved us so dearly.

I was thinking as I lay in bed Saturday night after my return. I thought of the things I had brought home  - glassware, cards and letters, a book or two, some pins and a precious Bible and a very old quilt. I thought of how happy I was to have these mementos of my grandparent's and great-grandparent's lives, how happy I was to have reminders of the happy, happy memories that I am so grateful for. Every one of these things not only reminds me of a magical moment in my own life, but of the truth that I have been deeply loved here on this earth. That love made me feel safe. I am very thankful for that love - not only from my great-grandparents and grandparents, but the love of my aunts and uncles and cousins and of course my own parents. The love of my family is like a beautiful quilt that covers me with warmth and security. And as I thought of all of this I realized that I am thankful for the pain. The pain only points to what we have lost - and I am thankful to have enjoyed such a rich relationship with my grandparents that there is indeed something to mourn now. I am grateful. I realized that the most important things my grandparent's left me are not things, although I treasure wearing my grandmother's wedding rings and looking at my great-grandmother's pie safe. The most important thing they left me is not even wonderful memories. The most important things they left me were more lasting than these - things can be destroyed and memories can fade. They left me a legacy of integrity and love and an appreciation for family. They left me the legacy of a truly godly heritage. I learned to turn to God, to pray and to love others and help those in need by watching them do that first. I learned faithfulness and hard work and to believe that God had a special purpose for my life. I learned manners and how to write thank you notes in a day where most people do not pause to be grateful and I learned what it meant to be a loving spouse and a godly mother and what a godly man lived like. I learned so many, many things because they were not just said to me, they were modeled for me and lived out in front of my eyes. You might say that the greatest legacy my grandparents left me was their own lives - truly lives well lived.

If I could, I would take you with me to that farm in Walker County, Alabama so you could see for yourself. Although it is too late for you to meet my Granny and my Paw Paw and my Mama Boyd, I hope that you can know some of what they were like by being around me. Yes, I have inherited my dark hair and eyes from them, and my hips, my artistic tendencies and my love of people from Granny. But I hope you would see more of them in me than just those characteristics. I hope you would see how much they loved people, and how much they loved God and how faithful and full of life they were. I hope the best of my family lives on in me.

What a Wonderful Day!

Yesterday was a wonderful day! It was a privilege to gather so openly with our church family and be an eye witness as they celebrated our Risen Savior and proclaimed His victory! From the opening video til the ending prayer each service was filled with joy and excitement - there was just a buzz in the air. As I stood on the stage to lead in worship I saw friends engage with God and there is not a more beautiful sight in all the world! With all of our hearts and beings we joined together to proclaim, "He is Risen Indeed!". What an honor to be a part of that!

I love leading worship on Easter because people do seem to come with such great expectancy. It's like they are sitting on the edge of their seats just knowing God is there to move. They have not only this human expectancy, they have faith that He will meet with them. That longing, expectant heart opens us to the move of the Spirit of God in a fresh way. We don't just come to church, we come with the anticipation that God has something special for us!

I believe that this explosion of joy in our services yesterday was partially due to this expectancy and anticipation we all brought when we came to worship. Yes, we worked hard on these services. But I think that - much more than that - it is our openness to God as we come, our sure faith that He is there with us longing to touch us, and our absolute determination to worship that brought such a PASSION to these times of worship. We were focused, we were fully present, we were all engaged and we longed to hear from God. God is always with us when we gather together to worship Him, He is indeed always working. But it is my experience as a worship leader that when worship times are "powerful" it's because we as Believers are worshiping wholeheartedly! We aren't watching others, half asleep, thinking about anything else - we are FULLY PRESENT with God and with one another. That is what makes worship memorable and powerful. Please don't misunderstand me. It is WHOLLY the presence and the power of the Holy Spirit that moves and works within us. I just know that many times we are unaware of God's presence, we are simply clocking time, we are on auto pilot as worshipers. When we are fully engaged and purposeful in our worship we open a door for God to move in an extraordinary way. Our hearts are open, we are ready and we become a willing vessel for God to work with. With this attitude we participate with God in His purposes! That's what we experienced at The Brook yesterday morning. Praise God!

I felt that yesterday's services were not so much "led" as "facilitated". There was a constant participation in all elements. I never felt like our congregation just sat and observed us "doing our thing". During worship they cheered, clapped, sang, raised their hands, cried. During the testimony that was given I saw so many tears of joy and compassion, and yes, probably understanding. There were warm smiles and encouraging looks as people affirmed - "yes, that's my love story too!". During our special music and even in our moments of transition, people responded to God. Some people simply sat and wept, or sang along. Others stood to their feet to proclaim with us, "My God is Mighty to Save" or to say to the world, "Yes, I am Redeemed!". I saw people move in very worshipful faith. Those were moments of participation as people responded TO GOD, not just to us and any promptings we gave. The worship simply flowed like a rushing river, all around the room, from heart to heart and up to God. We each gave something special to our time of corporate worship. I know it was a sweet offering to Him as we did this TOGETHER for His glory.

A big shout out to my family at The Brook! I love you all and loved sharing Easter with you once again. Thank you for letting me serve you in this way - it was a great joy and honor. Thank you to the many, many people who sang, played, preached, cleaned, built sets, handled lighting, slides, sound, served coffee, directed the service, greeted, ministered to our children and did so much more!It was good to have so many participate together.

On a personal note, it was wonderful to have my Mom and Dad with us, as well as having my daughter Maria home and at church with us. I sat with almost my entire family on Easter! That was really great. I loved being together with all of you!

Hope your Easter was blessed!

Communion Two Ways

I wanted to share one more particularly sweet moment - for me personally - from our praise team retreat last weekend. I had decided to do our communion service a bit differently this year. God kept impressing on me the idea of communion being both with God and with one another so that is what I emphasized. We worshiped together and I shared these two ideas of communion as the purposes of our "Leaving Service" on Saturday. Have you ever considered that we cannot fully celebrate the body of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ without also remembering that now WE are the body of Christ. God is not honored (in my opinion) when we forget the very words of Jesus that THIS is how the world will know that we are disciples of Christ: by our love for one another. Jesus even goes so far as to say that we are to "love one another as I have loved you". (John 13) This is not a mere tolerance, but a joyous love, a love that celebrates differences that make us so unique as individuals created by God Himself. This is a patient love that believes the best and seeks to serve others. This is a love that requires a pro-active commitment and faithfulness to one another. This is the love that does not give up but is determined to love and give. Ouch. Does that hurt you? It hurts me. In the face of Christ's love for me I cannot help but realize how shallow my own love for my brothers and sisters in Christ can be. So as we considered this aspect of communion - the celebration of the body of Christ here on earth today, I asked them to begin communion in a slightly different way. Where we had lit the candles the night before to confess our sins and invite God's presence into the dark places of our lives, in that moment I invited them to light a candle as they prayed for someone on our team. The prayer is the same - that God would illuminate their heart with the presence of the magnificent Holy Spirit. Although it was a bit slow to begin with, as God moved on hearts a miraculous thing occurred. I saw people light a candle then go to a brother and give them a hug. We saw people go up together and pray over something that they obviously had been sharing. Brother to brother, sister to sister, friend to friend - all around the room we saw God touching lives through the physical touch of another believer. Tears were shed as healing begin to come. We became the presence of Christ to one another. (Doesn't He indwell every believer?) And the prayer altar became more and more full of light, and we were able to SEE our prayers for one another. That was so encouraging!

We then moved to communion with God, but we approached it in the context of community with one another, remembering that Jesus instituted the Lord's Supper while He Himself celebrated the family meal of Passover with His disciples, His friends. I so wanted to serve my team so I just invited them to come to me when they were ready (we were in a time of worship). As I had the special privilege of looking into each of my friend's faces, I reminded them that "This is the body and blood of Christ, given for you. His body was broken, His blood was shed to make you the beautiful new creation in Christ that you are today." I will never forget those moments - moments of sharing the meal of remembrance, sharing the joy of new life in Christ, sharing the acknowledgment that we once were dead in our sins but now we live forever with Him, moments of praying for one another. Some people humbly knelt with me. Others sat down like we were really enjoying a meal together. Some wrapped their arms around me and tears coursed down their face as we thanked God together for our new life in Him and His amazing love. Some came as couples, and some as groups. This was one of the most meaningful moments I have ever had as a minister - to serve the ministry team I lead in this way. And as I layed my hands in prayer on each team member, as I looked into the eyes of those I love so dearly, I was reminded again that Christ is present in all of us who believe.

God had an additional blessing in store for me that day.  Sheila came to me and asked if she could serve me and I got to be served communion by someone who cares and loves me very much. She prayed over me and I felt God's Spirit move in a mighty way. Then the ladies who had come with us to cook and care for us came to me and asked if they could serve me as well. (Stacy, Lori and Pam) They gathered around me and - as they had served me all weekend - they served me once again through the sacred meal of communion and their love and prayers for me. I felt so incredibly loved - not only by my team, but by God Himself, His presence was with us in a powerful way.

Serving one another in communion reminded me of the concept of washing one another's feet, which I have never done. I can imagine it would be quite humbling for all concerned. That is what I felt that day - just a sense of great humility. I serve you, you serve me. I felt as if we truly functioned in community that day.

I have been reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer's book, Life Together. In it he makes these observations about Christian Community:

"It is by the grace of God that a congregation is permitted to gather visibly in this world to share God’s word and sacrament. Not all Christians receive this blessing. The imprisoned, the sick, the scattered lonely, the proclaimers of the Gospel in heathen lands stand alone. They know that visible fellowship is a blessing. …..the physical presence of other Christians is a source of incomparable joy and strength to the believer…..The prisoner, the sick person, the Christian in exile sees in the companionship of a fellow Christian a physical sign of the gracious presence of the triune God. Visitor and visited in loneliness recognize in each other the Christ who is present in the body; they receive and meet one another as one meets the Lord; in reverence, humility and joy. It is easily forgotten that the fellowship of Christian brethren is a gift of grace, a gift of the Kingdom of God..."

That morning we each received this gift of grace......abundant and overflowing. I am so thankful for the friends that I stand and kneel with and do ministry with each week. God has blessed us with the gift of one another.

Exciting News: The Gift of Renewal

I wanted to share with you a piece of very exciting news. The leadership at The Brook, where I am a minister, has granted me the gift and blessing of a three month sabbatical which will begin April 21st. I will return to leading worship August 3rd. As you may know, I will celebrate my 10 year anniversary at The Brook in September of this year. Almost 25% of my life has been spent in ministry at The Brook - which seems amazing to me. I am very thankful and honored to serve this church family, which I love very dearly. If you know me, the last two years have been beyond stressful - not only did I have a lingering illness, but as a minister I dealt with the tragic death of our pastor's wife, tried desperately to minister to my church family in a situation where I felt totally lost, endured many changes and much turnover at church and finally went through the sudden resignation of our pastor and all the aftermath of that. It's been a challenge and a time of grief, pain and readjustment in many ways. With that said, I do want you to know that I am doing well. This is not a sign that I am falling apart, but that I am taking appropriate steps to care not only for myself but also for my family. I am looking forward to my sabbatical and then returning with a renewed vigor and passion. I feel God is at work in me in such a deep way and I know that this step was directed by Him.

I am so happy and thankful to serve at a church that cares about me and my family and is willing to give me this opportunity to rest and recover. Our leadership cares about my health - physical, emotional and spiritual. They are committed to me and I am blessed! For those of you unfamiliar with the practice of sabbatical, it is common among many other denominations and is taken for the purpose of renewal and recharging. Many pastors practice it every 5-7 years and say it's the best spiritual discipline for the longevity of their ministry. There are 8 main purposes of sabbatical, including: Relaxation, Recreation, Rest, Renewal, Revival, Rethinking, Refocusing, and Returning. Our goal - both the leadership at The Brook and mine - is for me to return to ministry stronger, healthier, and with a very clear vision and able to serve strongly for many years to come. I want to be able to fully "complete the race set before me".

I sat with tears in my eyes this morning as our interim pastor, Richard Buckley, said "We felt like the best way we could honor and bless Jan was to give her the gift of a time to rest and heal". I thank God for how He has provided for me and for my family, who have certainly sacrificed as I have served. I feel very loved.

So what will I do with this time away? Well, I will begin and end my sabbatical with one of my quarterly pastor's retreats, which are so grounding and healing for me. I will travel some - Phil and I are planning to go to our "happiest place on earth", Hawaii. We will be on the island of Kauai for 9 days in May. I will also go to Germany to visit with my dear friend Lana, who is living there presently. We plan to visit Bavaria, go hiking, and go to Austria as well. I can't wait for the Sound of Music tour!!! (My daughter Maria is named after two Maria's - from The Sound of Music and West Side Story) I will spend time with my children, and travel some with them and some with Phil as he has to be away. I hope to go out and be with my parents more and learn to make Chicken and Dumplings and Peach Cobbler with my mom! ( a worthy goal) I will be visiting other churches, although I will check in at The Brook about once a month to say hi. I am looking forward to simply sitting in worship and connecting to God as Jan, His daughter.

I will also be focusing on my health goals by exercising regularly and hope to attain that 40 pound weight loss goal by the end of this time. And I hope to focus on some hobbies that just feed my soul - hiking, photography, scrapbooking, and writing. As I write I hope to be able to map out my story and process what all God is teaching me through the events of my life, particularly the past two years. I will be focusing on spending much time alone with God and practicing spiritual disciplines as well and delving deeply into two books in particular: "Sacred Rhythms", "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" and if I have time, "Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership". I want to achieve some balance in my life that has long been missing! To this end I will be praying and working to restructure some "problem areas" of my life. (yes, I am a recovering workaholic) I hope to steal away with God for a day alone with Him here and there as well. And I know I will just simply rest.

Please pray for me as I prepare! I'll be writing more about how you can support me in the days to come, particularly while I am away. Your encouragement and support will mean so much to me. For now, pray and mark your calendar! Sunday, April 20th will be a very important day for me, a day we will hold a "Sending Service" for me to tell my story, and for the church to pray for me as I step into the journey of sabbatical. I'd love to have you join us. If you are at The Brook, there will be many opportunities for you to get involved in supporting me throughout this time and we will let you know what those are in the next few weeks. When I return on August 3rd, there will be a time of fellowship and celebration and I will once again share what God is doing in my life and what I have learned during this focused season with Him.

As I had my quiet time the morning after I met with our management team this last time, I wrote:

" I am so overwhelmed with gratitude this morning. You are so very good to me, Lord. Thank you for providing for me, for loving me in such deep ways, and for giving me a word from you and for hearing my prayer. I see your hand at work and I am truly blessed. I echo the words of the psalmist:"

"Bless the Lord oh my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name! Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget none of His benefits, who forgives all my sings, who heals all my diseases, who ransoms me from death and surrounds me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:1-3

I believe not only was this passage, so readily called to my mind, a voicing of my praise to God, but it was also a word FROM God especially for me that day. He has certainly "filled my life with good things, and surrounded me with love and tender mercies - so that my youth is renewed." That is my prayer and my thanksgiving - that God will renew me to serve Him wholeheartedly, refreshed by His presence and the presence of my family.

Thank you for lovingly holding me in God's presence. I'd love to hear from you!