A Worshipful Heart

Our Greatest Enemy

I've just returned from India where God wrecked my heart in a major way. I pray I never get over the people I met in India.  

The Christians there have a strong faith, an unshakable belief that "To live is Christ, to die is gain." They have to. Many of them are turned out of their homes when they become a Christian. Many are persecuted for their faith. Churches may be burned by militant Hindus. Christians may be beaten in the streets and even in their own homes. They have truly counted the cost of following Christ. 

As I spent time among them I was reminded of the Beattitudes Jesus shared in the Sermon on the Mount. The very first verse in this section of Matthew 5 says "God blesses those who recognize their need for Him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them." That convicts me. How often do I truly recognize my need for God?

As I worshipped with my brothers and sisters in India God gave me a word for the American Church, the very church that Indian pastors pray for every Sunday because they say we are "uniquely positioned and resourced to win the entire world for Jesus Christ." Their belief in us is humbling to say the least, especially since I am not so certain that many of us here in America have this as our first priority.

So my post for today is to simply share with you what I feel like God is saying to us as Christians here in America. It's not an easy word. It's not going to be a popular word. You won't love to hear it, but hear it you must. As we worshiped, this is what God said.....

"Our comfort is perhaps our greatest spiritual enemy. We are not desperate for a move of the Spirit of God. Our own comfort and safety has put us into a spiritual stupor. This is dangerous territory. Our hunger is for comfort, safety, our own desires. We order our lives around these things, not around the move of the Spirit. Our longing for safety and comfort determines our priorities, which will not always line up with the promptings and movings of the Spirit. 

The more we have the more we are dissatisfied. The pickier we get. The more we focus on our own needs and petty problems, the less we focus on our desperate and real need for God. When we have much, we lose our desire and desperation for God and become self-conscious, concerned more with ourselves than with God and all He is longing to do. 

As long as our desire is for comfort, safety, and ease, we will have a neutered relationship with God Almighty. Our relationship will be safe, civil, insipid and ultimately powerless. Sadly, this is not the church God can use to change the world, to win people in all corners of the globe to Himself."

I want to be bold. To be courageous. To use this one life to bring God glory in amazing ways. I want my life to count for more than just having lived a safe, insipid, comfortable life when there is so much at stake. I want to long for God more than I long for a hot bath, a big meal, air conditioning or even flush toilets. I want to quit worrying about how I look and start worrying about if I am showing the love of Christ. I want to be able to say that I will obey God even when it is not convenient or safe. I want to give sacrificially so that others might know my Savior.

What do you want? I encourage you to hear from the Lord!

Life is more than........worry

I worry about so many things and let so many things bother me.....

........having fat legs and looking horrid in shorts

........having grey hair and having to pay a bit of money to keep it a "secret"

........wondering if my rear looks extraordinarily large in my jeans.....or even if I can button my jeans

....... if my clothes match and if I have the right accessories for an outfit

........the house being a mess

.......missing my favorite show on tv

......getting aggravated at the jealous Auburn fan on facebook that writes stupid, annoying things that I'm tempted to answer but know I should not.

.......not hearing from a friend and feeling a bit left out and forgotten.

Sometimes my worries are a bit more valid and important and I get all wrapped up thinking about....

.....where will I go next?

......asking and wondering "Is God through with me?"

......worrying I'll never lead worship again.

.......should I go back to school so that my resume is more complete?

........where will we go to church?

.....will our house ever sell?

......wondering how I'll pay for the new brakes I had to have this week?

......how will I stand having all my kids out of the house? or across the country?

......not being able to pay for the things I could at this time last year.

......does anybody like me, really truly like me?

......how will I run a non-profit organization and raise all the money needed?

......what if I fail?

......will Phil still love me when I am older and grey?

.....will I get breast cancer? What if I lose a breast? What if I die young?

Some of these fears and worries are valid. Some of them are not. I can't change any of them by worrying about them. And most of them seem incredibly lame in light of the life and death situation played out in Haiti this past week. 

God is teaching me some important life lessons: 

1) "Life is about more important things than having skinny legs." (as nice as that would be!) I need to thankful I am strong and healthy and am well provided for. Everything else is a bonus. 

"So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life - whether you have enough food, drink or clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? ....Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not! ......And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers...won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith." Matthew 6:25, 27, 30

2) "Obedience is saying yes to God in the small things every single moment of every single day." I may not know the big picture or the end result right now. But I can live in such a way that I say "yes" to Jesus and please him moment by moment. That is success. That may have to be enough. And that is alright.

What worry do you need to hand over to the King of the Universe tonight? Or what crazy obsession do you just need to say good-bye to forever?

"Don't store up treasures for yourself here on earth, where they can be eaten by moths and get rusty, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven.....wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

Embrace the Gift of Limits

There was moment in my life, a moment of utter exhaustion, where I realized I was living as if I had no limits. I know you will laugh out loud, but a big truth I had to face as a minister - and as a human - is that I am limited. Even though I may desperately want to, I realized that I cannot solve every problem or take care of every person and situation. Like a bolt out of the blue, I came to the stunning realization that some things were simply outside of my realm, abilities, knowledge and control. I came to understand that I could not make other’s choices for them nor am I responsible for them. I realized others would make decisions that impacted me and that there was nothing I could do to control that. 

This was a big day for me. A huge realization. A day that turned my life around.

I had tried for so long to put out every fire, to solve every problem, to deal with every situation and take care of every person, to keep it all together that I had exhausted myself emotionally and physically – and I was now paying a huge price for it. 

This realization included my heartfelt admissions that:

 - I have physical limits and needs and I must honor them. My own body and health must become a priority for me.

 - I have emotional limits and needs and I must pay attention to them. I can no longer give and minister without regard for my own emotional needs.

 - I needed to set some boundaries. I could not always be available. The world would keep on going without me. My life was out of balance/perspective in some important ways – I had put work and ministry ahead of my family and my own health. This was a hard admission.

Quite simply put, bottom line: I had to admit that I am the created, not the Creator. 

I needed to humbly admit what we all know: I am not God. I am limited. At first this realization simply frustrated me because I wanted to fix it all. But over time I have come to find that the admission that I am limited is actually quite freeing! I now find my limits to be a gift that remind me of Who is really in charge and Who is really able to do all things. 

And – thank God – that is not me! 

Acknowledging our limits keeps us humble as well as rested – and free from unrealistic self-expectations and those ever prowling feelings of guilt.

How can you embrace the gift of limits in your life? How can you admit - with your lifestyle - that God can run this world without you? What steps do you need to take?

What I'm Thinking as I Visit Your Church

This is part one in a series of weekly posts I'll be doing as Phil and I look for a church. I hope all of you involved in church leadership will take the time to read because I think you can benefit from our insights as we take this awkward journey of figuring out what church God would have us now call home. Having spent the last fifteen years in vocational ministry, we haven't looked for a new church in a LONG time. Undoubtably, my perspective as a church seeker is quite different from the perspective I held as a "church professional", but I continue to view everything through the eyes of a leader. So I hope you'll learn from our insights and experiences as previous church leaders now longing for a home.....

We've only been visiting churches for a couple of weeks now but I already hate it. It's uncomfortable. It's stressful. And perhaps most of all, it's lonely. If you've been in vocational ministry for some time, or if you've called the same church home for many years, you may have forgotten - or never known - what it's like to walk in the doors of a church a total stranger. Many times we, as church leaders, are so in love with our church and have invested so totally in our congregations that we simply cannot understand the perspective of a first time guest.

Each Saturday night I go to bed with a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. Even though I've enjoyed the services we've attended I find it hard to actually concentrate. My guess is many first time guests feel this way. I don't know what's going on and I spend a lot of my time observing. Even though I've led worship for over 20 years I still don't always know all the songs and I wonder if it's okay to express myself in worship. So I'm looking around, watching, waiting. It's harder to worship and almost impossible to relax. I feel like I am an observer instead of a true participant.

I'm wondering if I could possibly fit in here, I'm missing all my friends, and I feel invisible. No matter how many people greet me, I still feel like the invisible woman. Although I am acknowledged, I am not known. And isn't that the most significant part of any church experience? To do this spiritual life in community with others? Without any relationships -or a place of service - I feel useless, and my attendance feels a bit pointless. It's the oddest feeling to realize that my attendance to church matters to no one else but Phil and God. No one else cares if I'm there because they do not know me or need me. This is a strange - and sad - realization. 

If I've learned anything at all about church in the past few weeks it is this: sermons are great, worship is uplifting, but the real point of church is spiritual community - to learn, and to worship, yes, but to do so together with those we love. 

The truth that the greatest needs of any human are "to know and be known, to love and be loved, to celebrate and be celebrated" has never been clearer to me than at this time in my life when I feel the lack of a church home so deeply. I go to church on Sundays and I am NOT known, I am NOT truly loved and of course I am NOT celebrated. Nor can I really do these things for anyone else. I'm attending but I stand apart from the crowd, feeling very much like the outsider I am. I feel like I've dropped off the ends of the earth into an alternate universe. It's uncomfortable, awkward, and - many moments - very sad. And while there are sweet moments of worship, some laughter, and even truths learned, there is just something missing. It doesn't feel like home.

So pastors, fellow worship leaders, and anyone else who leads on Sunday mornings, be patient with us who are visiting your church fellowships each weekend. Forgive us if we don't sing or clap, or even if we don't look particularly joyful. We probably feel lost! We're still trying to figure it all out and we may be going through a major life transition - we may have just moved, or have experienced a deep grief, or be seeking God for the first time. We're nervous so please show us some grace! And don't be offended, it's not personal or a judgment on you or your church, it's just us. 

We're longing for home.....

The Night the Lights Went Out in Santa Lucia

Today was quite a day. I visited a community that is located within an active landfil. It is controlled by gangs, filled with garbage, and reeks of sewage. I crossed a river filled with sewage, trash and smelled the sulphur coming up between my feet. I held and fed children at the nutrition center. I also celebrated Christmas - on Halloween, no less, with a "Feliz Navidad" party for the neighborhood children. And then, as an afterthought to my day (or so I so wrongly thought), I climbed innocently into the truck with G.O. Missionary Dianne Miller and her translator to accompany Dianne as she went across town to share with some ladies about prayer. 

We raced across Santiago (everyone races everywhere here) and got turned around, missed our turn, and got supremely lost. After many phone calls, and after turning around about ten times, and then jolting and careening across unpaved roads with BIG holes in them, we breathlessly - and with many bruises forming - arrived at the church in the community formally called Santa Lucia, but more commonly called "La Mosca". It is called this because it is beside a live, burning landfill. Smoke fills the air at all times. Many people are ill. And because of the landfill, the air is filled with "mosca", or "flies" in English.

As you might imagine, the church in this community is humble. It has about ten simple wooden benches, and down front was a small Casio keyboard and a simple and aging sound system, for which they are very thankful. The warm, humid air was gently stirred by slowly moving ceiling fans. Women fanned away the heat, and children squirmed in their seats. As we began the service two young teenaged girls led us in worship. Even though I didn't know the songs and couldn't understand all the words, I was touched as I saw the women worship and heard them raise their untrained voices in praise. As I worshiped, I felt overcome by the sweetness of the blessing of worshiping with the Body of Christ. Yes, we look a bit different, and we speak different languages, and we live far apart, but we still are The Body.

At the close of the teaching time, Dianne asked us to hold the hand of someone near us and to pray for someone we  love. As I bowed my head, expecting to pray alone because of the language barrier, something happened that is apparently very common here. The lights went out. And it was utterly dark. But there was nothing else we could do, and so we bowed our heads, grabbed a hand near ours, and prayed. Not silently and politely, but out loud, and with all of our hearts. We pled with God on behalf of our children and families, our neighbors, our churches. This room of women stormed the gates of heaven with great urgency there in that dark night. And as the woman that held my hand prayed, I could understand these three words: "Gracias Senor Jesus".

As I sat in that hot little room, surrounded by the babel of a language I can only understand snippets of,so far away from what is "normal" for me, I began to praise God. I began to do what I had taught others to do. I began to praise Him for who He is, for what He's done, for His mighty acts, for His creation, and because He is worthy .I began to thank Him for His love, His mercy, His forgiveness, His joy, His peace. And as I lifted my hand in praise to the God of the entire universe, not just my little world in Madison, Alabama, tears began to stream down my face.

Those moments in the darkness were a holy appointment with God. There was something powerful about sitting in utter darkness and praising God out loud. And as a candle was lit and the darkness was pushed away a bit, I saw that our prayers and praise are like that candle. They literally push back the darkness in this world.

Doesn't that just make you want to get down on your knees for someone? Doesn't that make you want to stand to your feet and praise God?

Go ahead....push back the darkness in this world a little bit more.

Are Your Clothes Dirty From Following Jesus?

This morning at The Brook, Dee Lauderdale taught us more about following Jesus as our Teacher. He shared alot of Jewish tradition that gave rich context to the message and I know that I personally really enjoyed it. 

So here are a few of my "takeaways" as I consider what it means to be a student of Christ:

 - "It's all about what we choose to focus on" We retain and remember what we choose to focus on. If I want to learn more, I need to focus more on learning the Word. 

 - Jesus reversed things and, as a Rabbi, chose his disciples. And he turned the "norm" on it's head by choosing men who had been told "you don't quite measure up." (he even allowed women to sit at his feet as disciples which was unheard of in that day) One of the most touching things Dee shared was "We need to have faith in God but we also need to know that God has faith in us." 

 - If a disciple truly followed his Rabbi, then the dirt kicked up by the Rabbi got on the disciple.

 So I had to ask myself:

 - Are my clothes dirty from following Jesus?

 - How closely am I following Christ?

Here are the songs we did this morning:

1. Today is the Day

2. Indescribable - I shared a bit about how God speaks to us through creation and others to set this up.

3. Cannons - this was a new one for us today. Went well after "Indescribable"

4. Revelation Song - always powerful.

Sermon

5. Breathe - fit the sermon so well.

6. Sing to the King

Today was such an odd day for me - extremely bittersweet. It was my next-to-last Sunday to lead at The Brook. That made it a very sad day for me. Just one more Sunday - about 12 more songs. I've stood on that stage and led worship probably about 700 times at least. And now, just one more time. As I stood on the stage I wondered "Will I ever lead worship again?". This is a question that has been on my heart alot lately because I do love to lead other people to worship God. I love to sing. And most particularly, I love to sing with this team. So knowing that our time of being together in this particular way is coming to an end makes each worship set so poignant, and difficult, and yet it adds a sharper focus, a deeper joy because I really do appreciate every single moment, every note sung, every riff played, each drumbeat that echoes. When you know time is short, everything feels meaningful. 

But it was a sweet day as well. At the end of each service I got to share about my upcoming trip to the Dominican Republic and my heart for worship and missions. I was able to share - for the first time - with this precious congregation some of what God is calling me to do. And then they gathered around me to pray for me. And that was truly a great moment. I felt so loved and cared for.

I leave Tuesday to train worship leaders in the DR. I'd appreciate your prayers as well. 

**This post is a part of Sunday Setlists over at www.fredmckinnon.com. Go check out what worship leaders around the world did today in worship.**

Called to Go!

I promised to share with you all the things God is whispering to my heart these days. I want to share with you more than the sadness I feel over leaving The Brook, I want to share what God is calling me to move forward and do. And this particular thing is something that I need your help with!

For a long time - several years now - I've felt God stirring my heart to be involved in worship ministry world wide. Not in a particular country, but in many countries. I began to be so convicted that if I - as a worship pastor - was really passionate about the glory of God, I would be passionate about worship happening not just at my church, but around the world. I love the pictures of heaven we see in Revelation - EVERY tribe, EVERY tongue gathered together worshiping the ONE TRUE GOD! As I prayed about this nudging, I felt God calling me to be a part of worship in every nation here on earth. One way I feel drawn to do this is through equipping fellow worship leaders, particularly those with few resources and little training. I love to teach and mentor and encourage others. This encouragement is something that was rare for me when I began to lead worship many, many years ago. And although there are many other worship pastors that are more technically skilled and musically gifted than I am, I do have many years of experience and a desire to help. When I heard from missionaries that one of the greatest needs in new churches around the world is simply to have the church leader's become well equipped, I knew that this was something I could do. Furthermore, I knew it was something God was calling me to do.

And so I am moving forward. I don't know for sure what this will end up looking like in the future but for now I've taken a few steps. 

1) I've written a basic worship training curriculum to be used in training worship leaders. (and the hand outs have been translated into Spanish)

2) I've said "yes" to working with three different missions organizations to do initial trips to train worship leaders and pastors. All of these trips are as much about research as they are about teaching. I'll be assessing the needs of these leaders for training in future years. This is just the beginning. Here's where I've signed up to go:

 - Dominican Republic with G.O. Ministries - October 27 - November 5. This is JUST NEXT WEEK! I'll be working with about 35 Dominican and Haitian worship leaders, sharing resources with them, and observing lots of worship in the DR!

 - India with HeartSounds International, a division of Operation Mobilization - February 11 - 22, 2010 - I'll be co-teaching with a team on Biblical Worship, How to Build a Worship Ministry, etc. at a training conference for pastors, many of whom are first generation Christians. They are members of the Daleit, a people group that is considered low in the caste system. They are not accepted in churches in India. We will be laying the groundwork for an actual worship workshop there in 2011, developing teaching materials, and paving the way for future training. 

 - I feel a deep nudging from God to say "yes" to go to Rwanda with E3 Partners Ministry March 13 - 28, 2010. Phil and I are praying about this one. I would need a large amount of money quickly, but it's a great opportunity. I would be going to a Church Planting conference and mission, so we can participate in church planting and the beginning of equipping of the leaders for those churches. They have no worship training module presently - but it could be a big open door for the future, a possible opportunity to develop this training. This would be a huge opportunity! But I need $2500 by January 12th and $2000 more by February 12th. That's where you come in!

3) I've applied for non-profit status for The Give Worship Project, which is to fund training and resources for church leaders around the world, particularly in the area of worship. If you go to the website you can read all the details. 

So how can you help? You can invest some of your earthly treasure to make this training a reality. Raising support for my participation in this training will now have to become a huge priority for me! I need many people to step up and say "yes" with me! And every dollar someone gives benefits the church world wide. Isn't that a remarkable thought?

If you'd like to give, through December 31st, here is the way to do it:

Mail a check made out to: The Brook

Address it to:

Jan Owen

106 O'Riley Court

Madison, Alabama 35758

It takes more than one person to make a dream come true. It takes friends and family who believe in both the dream and the dreamer. I hope you'll become a part of what God is calling me to do - as He calls me out of the comfort of my own church, and into THE church around the world. 

Facing Change

As I've prayed through the decision of resigning my position at The Brook, I realized that much of what I feared revolved around change. Perhaps for many of you, the emotions you've felt this week reminded you of other times of great change in your life. I found an old post I wrote two years ago when the former pastor of The Brook resigned and the words I wrote so perfectly expressed some of the same anxiety I feel today......perhaps you can relate. So here it is, reposted for us all:

This week has been a week of major change for me. If you're from The Brook you feel the same way. We face an unexpected change that feels a bit frightening and many things are unknown. Our hearts grieve and are hurt and saddened. I understand how you feel because I have felt those same feelings - the anxiety that comes when we know something is about to change! I've been through a few major changes in my life - getting married, having children, moving away from a small community, changing churches, and entering career ministry. Plus there were those incremental changes all along the way - children starting school, children leaving home, moving, job changes, relationships that end, etc. All of these changes denoted the passage of time in my life and illuminated certain seasons of my existence here on earth. As joyous as some of these occasions of change were, they were ALL stressful.

I've decided that I really do not like change. I think it's because I get comfortable where I am, I have learned to handle life in this situation and I am terrified that I may not be able to if anything changes. In every phase of life over time I developed a feeling of security where I was and it felt safe and comfortable and cozy right there. If I stay where I am I know what to expect. I know how my own abilities work in this present situation. I am no longer fearful. I certainly had no thought of moving or changing! Yet God often has other plans for us. I've decided that the discomfort of change is one of His most powerful forces in maturing us spiritually. Without change we would stagnate, stuck in the rut of safe and predictable repetition. We would never stretch and grow. When change occurs we are forced to examine our lives, to let go of certain expectations, to give up our "security blankets" and to try something new. We are forced out of our comfort zone. And that, my friend, can be downright painful and awkward.

I can remember when I had two children, a boy and a girl, and I was expecting my third child. I had nightmares about not being able to care for a third child. I knew even then that we would soon be outnumbered! I would dream of losing track of a child or not having enough clothes or whatever - all signs of extreme anxiety as I sought to figure out how to cope with this upcoming change in our family. I struggled similarly when my youngest started school - I felt "fired" and unneeded and to be honest, I was supremely bored at home all alone. Little did I know that God was launching an era of new things in my life's story. When Maria graduated from high school I again went through these feelings of transition that are so uncomfortable. Change upsets our own ordered little worlds and forces us to leap into the arms of God. Change forces us to give up control as we enter the unknown. It also forces us to acknowledge that we are mortal and that life is not certain and that our hope should not be in some thing or some one but in Christ alone.

I've faced some major transitory times in my life and in each case I felt like God slowly and somewhat painfully unfurled my fingers from the security I was so intent on hanging onto. Usually times of great change - at least in my life - have been preceeded by times of great unease. God was work in my heart preparing me for the change. Yet I didn't want to let go, I grieved the loss and I firmly resisted moving as God would want me to. In every change there was a time of grief, a time of acknowledging and then accepting what I would "lose" as I walked into new territory. In many cases my mind would be filled with irrational fears of the future - the list of "what ifs?" would almost feel overwhelming. Yet I have seen God's hand as I moved and as I trusted Him. Yes, my life was changed, but I was led into a brand new adventure of God. 

Even an adventure can be filled with dread or fear of the unknown. I felt this way about leading worship. I was grateful for the opportunity but was frankly terrified! What if I failed? What if people were laughing? What if no one worshiped with me? What if no one likes me? What if I can't keep my team happy? What if I lose my voice? What if I just simply was not good enough? The list could go on and on. Even in the midst of adventure, change engages our emotions on complex levels, calling us to participate with God in spite of our fears.

If you are a friend from church, I invite you to embrace the change we are encountering. Grieve the loss, bring it and your fears into the presence of God. Thank God for the good times.Then ask God what He has for you in this adventure. Let this change drive you to your knees in prayer, drive you to your church family in love and encouragement and drive you to God's word  as you hunger for Him. God has something powerful for us all as we put our hand trustingly in His and walk through the door of change.

Wisdom Stands at the Crossroads

 So often in our lives we long to have a fully disclosed answer from God. We want to know - or we THINK we want to know - all the twists and turns the road of our journey will take. 

I think this is why we are so enamored with our cute little GPS systems. They tell you everything you could possibly want to know - which lane to get in, how many feet until a turn is to be made, how many miles and minutes to our destination and even which side of the road your destination is on. There are few surprises with a GPS guiding you because you can even look ahead and see each and every turn you should make until you arrive at your final destination. And if you end up in the wrong place, well you can blame it on the little woman in the GPS!

We humans love security - we crave it. We say we like adventure but I have an inkling most of us like our adventure carefully controlled! So we long to know what's ahead in this journey we call life. Is it any wonder that the most frequently asked question that Pastor's receive is "How do I know the will of God?" None of us want to miss this. And yet we fear that the little voice we hear resounding in our heart is just our emotions, or something we've made up. We fear taking the wrong step.

Last year I heard Michael Coleman, President and Founder of Integrity Music, Inc. share a word that I've never forgotten. It has resounded deeply with me this week. He shared that as much as we'd love to have clear wisdom and discernment about the entirety of our future, many times we've not lived and learned long enough to have an answer we really do not need until next year, for instance. God may have a work He desires to do in our life in the interim that will give us greater wisdom. And just as we do not have the grace today for the struggles of tomorrow, we may not have the answer until we truly have a need for it. 

Proverbs 8:1-2 says "Listen as wisdom calls out! Hear as understanding raises her voice! She stands on the hilltop and at the crossroads." Many times I've spent months - or years - on my face before God begging for clarification and an answer. And just when I had grown intensely weary of praying, God answered in the moment I needed to make a decision. Not before. Not after the fact. But right when I needed it - as I stood in the crossroads. 

Where in your life do you desperately need to hear a word from God?

Good - Bye for Now...Why I'm taking a break from social media

I love connecting with friends. This is one of the reasons I have tried to faithfully twitter, interact on facebook, and even blog - it gives me more opportunities to share my life and to get a glimpse of other's lives as well. With that said, you may have noticed I've been conspicuously absent from facebook, twitter, and blogging for most of this week. I've updated twitter exactly once since Sunday night.....must be a record.

I have felt very led by God to take a break from social media for a while - a "fast" if you will from near constant communication and feedback. So you won't see me online for a few weeks. I'm not sure how long this will last, I'm just going to continue until I feel God has said it's okay for me to go back.

So why would I do this? Why do I think God is leading me to take this step?

There are a few things:

1) I think God wants me to take a break from writing about my life and instead to be fully present in the moment. It's a way to honor those I am physically present with - if I'm with Phil and we're taking a walk, no matter what I see or what happens I just enjoy and experience that with him without the distraction of sharing it with the world! I can also really enjoy each moment of my life in a more substantive way. 

2) Similarly, it helps me to be more fully tuned into God. Constant communication and feedback can wreck your ability to pay attention to one thing at a time. It can be distracting. I feel like I'm in a season that I need to really be fully tuned in to the voice of God alone. 

3) I simply need a break.

So, what has my first week been like? To be honest, it's been very peaceful. No constant need to check my phone, no wondering if someone will misunderstand a comment, no obsessing over what someone else meant by their comment, and more time just to "be", to relax mentally, and to be fully present to God and whoever I'm with. I think I might have gotten more work done too. :)

Because of this, Phil and I have made the radical decision - for us anyway! - to not take my iPhone or his Blackberry with us when we travel to Maui on Tuesday. We've also decided we're not checking email while we're away. We're going to focus on hearing from God and being with each other and - oh yes! - relaxing in one of the most beautiful places on earth. 

I wanted you to know I am not ignoring you personally, I'm simply not checking in. I hope you'll understand and pray for me as I take this step in my journey. I trust God has a deep work to do in my life. 

See you later! And ROLL TIDE ROLL!